The last movie I saw was...

[B E C K]

My entertainment these days aren't movies but the YouTube commentary videos roasting the movies that are longer than the movies themselves. I'm almost done with MauLer's four hour Black Widow video after watching the three available parts of his TFA series. I also thoroughly enjoyed Lobsterhero's three-hour Mulan takedown. 10/10 content.

[jonhammstein]

I watched something. What was it? I'm trying to remember as I type...

Oh yeah. The House on Netflix. Ugh. Compelling, but still... ugh.

[B E C K]

Schmoo keeps telling me to watch The Lost Daughter. No, woman!

[jonhammstein]

I had to look that up.

Written by Hollywood nepotism baby Maggie Gyllenhaal!

Featuring Hollywood nepotism baby Dakota Johnson!

Hmm. Maybe you could review it.

[B E C K]

I had to look that up.

Written by Hollywood nepotism baby Maggie Gyllenhaal!

Featuring Hollywood nepotism baby Dakota Johnson!

Yeah, that was the biggest turnoff before I even read the plot. I know that's most movies these days but MEH.

[jonhammstein]

Speaking of Hollywood privilege, did you read any of that recent Joss Whedon interview? Sheesh.

[B E C K]

Parts of it. So cringe! Go away, sir. You're done.

Picking up a cup of tea, Whedon said he could no longer remain silent as people tried to pry his legacy from his hands. But there was a problem. Those people had set out to destroy him...

What?  Like fucking daleks?

...and would surely seize on his every utterance in an attempt to finish the job. “I’m terrified,” he said, “of every word that comes out of my mouth.”

Shoot back some quips, m8te!

...Whedon was asked over and over to explain why he wrote stories about strong women. For years, he would answer by talking about his mother. ...Whedon referred to his mother as “extraordinary, inspirational, tough, cool,” and “sexy.”

My cool sexy mother. 

Returning to the couch, he affected a sort of Vincent Price voice. “And now,” Whedon said, “tales of horror and woe.”

And then he swished his cape and returned to his coffin.

“It took me a long time to realize I was writing about me,” [Whedon] told me [about writing Buffy the Vampire Slayer], “and that my feeling of powerlessness and constant anxiety was at the heart of everything.” His avatar was not a fearful young man, however, but a gorgeous girl with extraordinary courage. He wanted to be her, and he wanted to fuck her.

They actually used the word 'fuck' in the article as verb when it's not in someone's quote? Am I supposed to take this seriously or not?

A high-level member of the Buffy production team recalled Whedon’s habit of “writing really nasty notes,” but that wasn’t what disturbed her most about working with him. Whedon was rumored to be having affairs with two young actresses on the show. One day, he and one of the actresses came into her office while she was working. She heard a noise behind her. They were rolling around on the floor, making out. “They would bang into my chair,” she said. “How can you concentrate? It was gross.” This happened more than once, she said. “These actions proved he had no respect for me and my work.” She quit the show even though she had no other job lined up.

Bet it was Dushku! No guesses right now on who #2 was.

Had he made out with an actress on the floor of someone’s office? “That seems false. I don’t understand that story even a little bit.” He removed his glasses and rubbed his face. “I should run to the loo.” When he came back, he said the story didn’t make sense to him because he “lived in terror” of his affairs being discovered.

earlier in the article....

“I’m going to run to the loo,” he said. Later, he would let slip that someone had advised him to pretend he needed to pee if he felt uncomfortable with a question.

HO HO.  He seems false.

When I pressed him on why, he noted “it messes up the powet dynamic,” but he didn’t expand on that thought. Instead, he quickly added that he had felt he “had” to sleep with them, that he was “powerless” to resist. I laughed. “I’m not actually joking,” he said. He had been surrounded by beautiful young women — the sort of women who had ignored him when he was younger — and he feared if he didn’t have sex with them, he would “always regret it.”

This summarizes it best...

"Joss Whedon had nearly two years to get his story straight. He's likely spent tens (if not hundreds) of thousands of dollars on PR, crisis management, and coaching. And his response to the allegations is: 'They all misunderstood and/or are out to get me—also my mom is sexy'???"

[jonhammstein]

The strangest thing of it all is that he surely wouldn't have even agreed to the interview in the first place if he hadn't believed this would be the beginning of his "redemption arc".

Like, for fuck's sake, man.

[B E C K]

He's a special kind of deranged. I expected no less from creepy Xander (since that Buffy character was as good as a self-insert).

[jonhammstein]

I was at Rotten Tomatoes the other day looking for something unrelated, and in their "New & Upcoming" section I noticed a movie poster that resembled one of those trashy '70s sci-fi novel covers. I clicked through and the freeze frame of the trailer is two guys in sailor suits wearing realistic rodent masks, and I was like, "Sign me up!"

What a letdown. It's just this crummy, retro-pandering student film. And yet on RT the critic and audience ratings are just shy of 90% approval.

I don't get it.

Maybe I have to try shoving my head further up my ass?

But I don't think it can go any deeper?

[jonhammstein]

Jesus.

That movie's name is Strawberry Mansion, by the way.

I'm getting old.

[B E C K]

And yet on RT the critic and audience ratings are just shy of 90% approval.

I don't get it.

Maybe I have to try shoving my head further up my ass?

Critics have always been full of shit. That audience rating is less than 50 people so probably the friends and family of the filmmakers.

[jonhammstein]

It crossed my mind that the reason it was featured so prominently on the main page is because someone at RT is related to the director or some shit.

[B E C K]

Most shit gettin' any piece of major facetime amounts to "someone who knows someone." 

[jonhammstein]

Went to see Batman last night.

Fucking three hours long. THREE. HOURS.

When it's not boring, it's laughable. You should hear some of the dialogue in this, HOLY SHIT.

Gotta imagine they'll do at least one more. God forbid we get an actual Battinson trilogy.

[B E C K]

The internet is circle jerking this movie hard. Like, I had no interest in seeing this already so I'm biased. Nothing against RBatz in particular... but the whole tone of this film and the take on Batman is not appealing to me. Frankly, I'm just surprised people are down for a three hour movie about Batman AND that a large portion of that audience appears to have really enjoyed it. Maybe it's also just that Return of the King had a large amount of story to convey and I remember I was antsy as hell in the theater when I watched it. (I do like the extended edition but watching at home is completely different.)

[jonhammstein]

Went and saw Jujutsu Kaisen 0 in the THEATUH tonight. Pretty good, but I feel like it lacks any true "wow" moments to cement it as an all-time classic anime movie.

Or maybe I'm just old and calcified in my ways.

"Back in my day, anime used to stand for something, honey!"

[B E C K]

Maybe I haven't seen enough anime movies in my lifetime but anime movies with any direct tie-in to a series have always been underwhelming and lackluster to me.

[Rodent of Unusual Size]

Re: Batman 2022.

[jonhammstein]

"I am the night!"

[B E C K]

Ugh, murky Batman.  That's most mainstream movies these days and it annoys the hell out of me.  It's a movie.  I want to actually SEE what's happening.

[Fiero]

I don't remember when I posted last and I don't feel like looking. Spider-Man No Way Home was fun. All the surprises were spoiled for me by then but I didn't really mind that sort of thing. My wife didn't get spoiled and that was better for her, she also had a lot of fun. We actually went through and watched all of the MCU stuff (mostly, we didn't re-watch Wandavision or Loki and she had no interest in watching What If? or Ant-Man, but everything else). So, that's a bunch of movies. Most of them are fun and fine but there really is some rough stuff in there. And how often it feels like propaganda sucks (I mean, I guess it partially is propaganda).

We also watched Encanto, very catchy songs, good story. Then Turning Red, giant red pandas are something I can't not enjoy.

[jonhammstein]

'The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent' is great. It somehow manages to celebrate and mock Cage simultaneously, while being equal parts hilarious and sentimental. It's so weird that this thing exists, but I'm glad it does.

'The Northman' is also really good. Definitely Eggers' most straightforward film so far, but that's not a bad thing.

[Rodent of Unusual Size]

Finally downloaded a copy of The Batman. It's not terrible, but it's way too long, and the Dusty Rhodes false finish just makes it worse. The dialog was meh, as joe mentioned, and I think that was a flaw from the extended length...you can't really have snappy dialog within a plodding plot.

[jonhammstein]

Yeah, I'm just thinking about the scene where Batman and Gordon get the clue about the "winged rat" and they're bouncing ideas off each other like it's a party game or something. Winged Rat? Could they mean a bat? As in Batman? How about the Penguin? A penguin has wings! Could Penguin be the rat?

And I'm just thinking, like, could this absolute God-tier repartee have been pulled directly from an old comic book? This sounds like some dumb shit Jeph Loeb could have crapped out back in the day.

And then... AND THEN... later in the movie Falcone gets found out as the actual rat, and fucking Gordon has this smug AF "gotcha" quip where he says something like, "...falcons have wings, too..."

Maaaaaaaaaaaan. What. The. FUCK. So stupid. So, so stupid.

When I heard Foo Fighters had made a "horror" movie, I was like fuck that. That's gonna suck. I finally watched it the other night.

Holy shit, it's hilarious. A little on the long side, but God damn is it funny. Well-made, too. John Carpenter does the score, it's solid all around.

And I also watched Fresh. Woof! I recommend it. Don't do any research, just go in raw.

[B E C K]

Yeah, I'm just thinking about the scene where Batman and Gordon get the clue about the "winged rat" and they're bouncing ideas off each other like it's a party game or something. Winged Rat? Could they mean a bat? As in Batman? How about the Penguin? A penguin has wings! Could Penguin be the rat?

And I'm just thinking, like, could this absolute God-tier repartee have been pulled directly from an old comic book? This sounds like some dumb shit Jeph Loeb could have crapped out back in the day.

And then... AND THEN... later in the movie Falcone gets found out as the actual rat, and fucking Gordon has this smug AF "gotcha" quip where he says something like, "...falcons have wings, too..."

Maaaaaaaaaaaan. What. The. FUCK. So stupid. So, so stupid.

EW!    Co-written and directed by Matt Reeves who co-created Felicity with JJ Abrams.  Sir?  Sir, did you write this dialogue?  This dialogue has a JJ Abrams smell to it.

[Rodent of Unusual Size]

Going to hit Dr Strange after work (i.e., in 45 minutes). Kinda hate now that I didn't watch WandaVision.

[jonhammstein]

Doctor Strange was pretty cool. I thought his first movie was kind of whatever at the time, he's always been better as a supporting character in other movies. With Multiverse of Madness, he finally gets to kick ass in his own movie.

Also, the "new" character was great, I hope they utilize her more going forward.

[B E C K]

Do you mean America Chavez or someone else?

[jonhammstein]

Yeah, America. I guess I didn't need to be vague since she's been in all the marketing.

It was kind of a revelation, honestly, because although I've been aware of her existence in the comics for over a decade, I had no idea what her powers actually were.