--- Registration is closed. I don't want your Cialis. ---

Author Topic: The last movie I saw was...  (Read 427589 times)

jonhammstein

  • Religiously Anon
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 6547
  • Owl Pellets: 15
    • View Profile
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4770 on: Jul 19, 2022, 09:40:03 PM »
Just to clarify, that's not some gag I dreamed up, it is literally how the movie begins. Three cards of white text against a black field.

Man, CG looked pretty fucking amazing back in '95, huh? Or wait... maybe for "Andy" the movie is perceived as live action? How old was Chris Evans at the time? 14? Or wait... I suppose Chris Evans as we know him is actually playing the fictional actor who recorded dialogue for the character of Buzz...

I've already spent too much time rationalizing this premise. Fucking more than Disney/Pixar ever will!

Anyway, the movie is lame. SURPRISE! About 15 to 20 minutes in I had begun to fool myself into believing the story might go somewhere interesting, but nope! Boilerplate fucking time travel bullshit.

Oh hey, Taika Waititi's in it! Guess he's a full-fledged member of the Disney cult *cough* FAMILY now. Get that money, Taika! Nothing his character does or says for the duration of the film can be categorized as "funny". I think maybe the robot cat might have squeezed a couple laughs out of me.

Honest to Christ, I cannot fathom a child of any age being anything but bored with this flick. It's just... not... anything. It's nothing. Buzz Lightyear is a nothing film.

B E C K

  • 高橋 啓介 FANGIRL
  • Administrator
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 22236
  • Owl Pellets: 888
  • I ♥ 高橋 啓介!
    • View Profile
    • Rabbit In A Suit
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4771 on: Jul 20, 2022, 12:15:17 AM »
Buzz was supposed to be, like, a Flash Gordon type character, right?  Why the fuck wouldn't they just copy Flash Gordon straight up. Or even old school Star Trek since he kinda had the original series Kirk vibes?  Not that I'm necessarily encouraging plagiarism but it doesn't exactly seem to be above Disney.

jonhammstein

  • Religiously Anon
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 6547
  • Owl Pellets: 15
    • View Profile
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4772 on: Jul 25, 2022, 03:48:45 AM »
Yeah, exactly. This Buzz was too much of a hard sci-fi astronaut, when he should have been a space opera swashbuckler. Total misfire.

I saw Nope, and I really liked it. Actually surprised me, because I've seen a few lukewarm takes on it. Also saw some critics regurgitating the same shit they said about Us, "Wah! Where are the allegories for race politics? How can you have a story about Black Americans that isn't constantly beating you over the head about how Black Americans continue to be fucked over? Wah!"

Like, Get Out exists. He made that movie. And it was great! So why then are you demanding the same thing over and over again?

Anyway, no point giving anything away. Anyone who wants to know the plot can look that up easily enough. I will say towards the end the buildup of suspense triggered my anxiety a little. Thought I might actually have to duck out of the theater. That used to happen to me a lot, but it's been a while. I guess that's not really a good thing, but that's just to say how unsettling I found some of the subject matter.

B E C K

  • 高橋 啓介 FANGIRL
  • Administrator
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 22236
  • Owl Pellets: 888
  • I ♥ 高橋 啓介!
    • View Profile
    • Rabbit In A Suit
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4773 on: Jul 26, 2022, 11:45:15 PM »
Yeah, it's that thing mainstream Hollywood does where all non-white stories are expected to be about racism or la cultura or the fuck.

I read a synopsis on Nope and my first thought was "I don't get it."  I think it's just a bad synopsis.

jonhammstein

  • Religiously Anon
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 6547
  • Owl Pellets: 15
    • View Profile
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4774 on: Jul 27, 2022, 01:28:09 AM »
Right? And you just know that the ones calling for these woke narratives are "enlightened" affluent white kids. I guarantee there isn't a single Black movie critic out there saying, "Damn, I sure wish Jordan Peele would only ever write scripts that focus on the Black experience in post-slavery America going forward."

That person does not exist!

Rodent of Unusual Size

  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 3934
  • Owl Pellets: 12
  • *chug Chug CHUG*
    • View Profile
    • http://bonr.shwiggie.com
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4775 on: Jul 27, 2022, 12:48:39 PM »
You mean to tell me that black and brown people just want real stories and not just those focusing on shit some insular proto-writer first heard in an elective sociology class? Scandalous!
Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

B E C K

  • 高橋 啓介 FANGIRL
  • Administrator
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 22236
  • Owl Pellets: 888
  • I ♥ 高橋 啓介!
    • View Profile
    • Rabbit In A Suit
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4776 on: Aug 08, 2022, 07:29:17 PM »
I watched a bit of Outlander with Jim Caviezel. It's been a movie I've always planned to watch and it's currently free to watch on Youtube. One thing I've noticed that really bugs me--and, man, it bothers me so much in a variety of films and tv shows--is the hair.  The trimmed beards, the manicured eyebrows, the fade on Jim Caviezel.  If you want me to believe your character is a rough, tough villager or warrior of old, the body hair can't be so damn neat looking. I get Jim's supposed to be an alien or something but I still can't with the hair. How do you have a bunch of stubble on your face but the sides of your hair is so damn short and trimmed at all times? That makes sense for a modern action hero but not for a stranded alien. The love interest has these perfect, arched brows you'd find in Allure magazine. Really messes with my suspension of disbelief.  I get it's a dumb thing to point out but I noticed it right away and could not unsee it.

Rodent of Unusual Size

  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 3934
  • Owl Pellets: 12
  • *chug Chug CHUG*
    • View Profile
    • http://bonr.shwiggie.com
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4777 on: Aug 09, 2022, 07:55:02 PM »
I watched Lupin III: The First over the weekend, and while it was alright (Nazi bad guys are very played out, though) it was weird seeing the classic crew rendered in 3D animation. It was pretty well done, but something about Lupin struck me as being off the whole time.
Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

jonhammstein

  • Religiously Anon
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 6547
  • Owl Pellets: 15
    • View Profile
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4778 on: Aug 26, 2022, 02:01:38 AM »
Just got back from Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero. Fucking AMAZING. Like, holy shit. I can't even believe how good it is. They should just make movies going forward, God damn.

Rodent of Unusual Size

  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 3934
  • Owl Pellets: 12
  • *chug Chug CHUG*
    • View Profile
    • http://bonr.shwiggie.com
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4779 on: Aug 26, 2022, 09:30:38 PM »
I was wondering how that would turn out. From the trailer it looked like it was animated using the engine from Dragon Ball FighterZ, but it didn't really show scenes longer than 1.5 seconds at a time.

I saw the Mazinger Z Infinity movie over the past week. It was alright, but hardly a conclusive ending, and it was a bit short on the super robot action I was expecting.
Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

B E C K

  • 高橋 啓介 FANGIRL
  • Administrator
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 22236
  • Owl Pellets: 888
  • I ♥ 高橋 啓介!
    • View Profile
    • Rabbit In A Suit
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4780 on: Sep 09, 2022, 09:07:17 AM »
Good grief. I watched Mauler's vid on Dr Strange and the Multiverse of Madness and what the fuck. I'm offended Professor X and Reed Richards were killed and in such a stupid way. This entire movie's offensive. Disney actually disgusts me.

Also, that video's five hours long. I can't believe I got through it all.

jonhammstein

  • Religiously Anon
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 6547
  • Owl Pellets: 15
    • View Profile
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4781 on: Sep 09, 2022, 02:21:14 PM »
Wait! Are you telling me you watched a five-hour critique of a two-hour film that you haven't even seen yourself?!

Now THAT is madness.

I'm still beside myself that they didn't use the Muse song for the opening credits.

B E C K

  • 高橋 啓介 FANGIRL
  • Administrator
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 22236
  • Owl Pellets: 888
  • I ♥ 高橋 啓介!
    • View Profile
    • Rabbit In A Suit
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4782 on: Sep 09, 2022, 03:29:01 PM »
Wait! Are you telling me you watched a five-hour critique of a two-hour film that you haven't even seen yourself?!

Now THAT is madness.

Would you call it....  :happy:

...a Multiverse of Madness?  :raiseeyebrow:






















Yeah, I wouldn't either.  :-\

Rama

  • The Laziest Man on Mars
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 10302
  • Owl Pellets: 1124
  • Sex Robot...Sex Robot
    • View Profile
    • Radioactive Theater
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4783 on: Oct 06, 2022, 02:51:05 PM »
I watched Hocus Pocus 2....






Meh.

jonhammstein

  • Religiously Anon
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 6547
  • Owl Pellets: 15
    • View Profile
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4784 on: Oct 06, 2022, 04:29:09 PM »
I've been thinking about that one, but my mind keeps going back to the original. Did I even watch it? If so, it made no impression whatsoever, because I don't recall fuck all about it.

You know what? 28-year-old Sarah Jessica Parker made 13-year-old me horny. That's all I remember.

Rama

  • The Laziest Man on Mars
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 10302
  • Owl Pellets: 1124
  • Sex Robot...Sex Robot
    • View Profile
    • Radioactive Theater
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4785 on: Oct 06, 2022, 06:06:46 PM »
Yeah...she was my favorite too.

B E C K

  • 高橋 啓介 FANGIRL
  • Administrator
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 22236
  • Owl Pellets: 888
  • I ♥ 高橋 啓介!
    • View Profile
    • Rabbit In A Suit
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4786 on: Oct 06, 2022, 11:27:11 PM »
Here's your next big screenplay idea: Hocus Focus, a film about three evil cameras. Make it happen.













But, yeah, I never ever saw Hocus Pocus. And I'd certainly hope SJP was the one making you guys horny. 'Cause if it was Bette Midler, I'd have questions.  :raiseeyebrow:














"The wind beneath your wings,' eh? Any by "wings" you mean "balls." And by "wind," you mean "more balls." :blink:

Okay, okay, so that's technically only one question.

Rama

  • The Laziest Man on Mars
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 10302
  • Owl Pellets: 1124
  • Sex Robot...Sex Robot
    • View Profile
    • Radioactive Theater
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4787 on: Oct 07, 2022, 05:04:30 PM »
Eh you know if the mood was right. Im not counting it out

And I wish I was writing screenplays Id be making a lot more money. Only make about 150 to 200 a show and that has to be split among 9 to 11 cast members. We mostly just put it back in the fund to pay for stuff like convention booths and things of that nature. Plus I have a writing partner so I have to share any profit I make anyway.
« Last Edit: Oct 07, 2022, 05:08:25 PM by Rama »

B E C K

  • 高橋 啓介 FANGIRL
  • Administrator
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 22236
  • Owl Pellets: 888
  • I ♥ 高橋 啓介!
    • View Profile
    • Rabbit In A Suit
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4788 on: Oct 09, 2022, 10:25:04 AM »
At least you're writing something. That's a good thing.


On topic, I revisited a couple of movies: The Witches of Eastwick and Interview with athe Vampire.

So Witches... I mean, I recall liking this movie. Never thought it was high art of anything like that but I enjoyed it. I think now it's because I just crushed on the hot witches. Jack Nicholson's a disgusting, repulsive man and I felt fucking dirty every time his ass popped on screen. I was watching it on Tubi 'cause it's there for free with commercials.

Well, the next movie that auto-plays after was Interview. Perfect. I've been wanting to watch it again anyway.  EHHHHHH....  Honestly, I think Tom Cruise brings this movie down. Nearly every scene he's in feels like a joke. Even the beginning parts of the movie felt like a joke. I was laughing my ass off. Like when Brad Pitt turns around dramatically for Christian Slater, it just looked so damn hammy.

Once Claudia is introduced, the movie picks up and it's way better.  Kirsten Dunst propped this movie.  Her character introduces the more interesting conflict, she's a better character than Lestat's (who frankly seems to be the real child of the story), and she plays off the two male leads better than they play off of each other.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie and I'd say it still holds up if you're willing to treat it like a dark comedy that gets serious in the latter half. Although even the ending feels like a gag. Lestat was literally Jerry Maguire as a vampire.

jonhammstein

  • Religiously Anon
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 6547
  • Owl Pellets: 15
    • View Profile
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4789 on: Oct 14, 2022, 12:57:41 AM »
Clerks III is really bad. I didn't think it was even possible, but Kevin Smith has now made a worse film than Jay and Silent Bob Reboot.

Rama

  • The Laziest Man on Mars
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 10302
  • Owl Pellets: 1124
  • Sex Robot...Sex Robot
    • View Profile
    • Radioactive Theater
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4790 on: Oct 14, 2022, 10:59:15 AM »
Ugh....not what I wanted to hear, but what I feared.

jonhammstein

  • Religiously Anon
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 6547
  • Owl Pellets: 15
    • View Profile
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4791 on: Oct 14, 2022, 04:51:21 PM »
Yeah, man. I was in the same boat. "It's gonna be good this time! It couldn't possibly be any worse! Right?"

And I just don't get it. I watch his Fatman Beyond podcast religiously, and he's always articulate and quick-witted, just entertaining as all hell. How does he keep cranking out these subpar films? The dialogue in Clerks III is so aggressively unfunny, it's practically anti-comedy.

I really don't understand. There's one scene where they're auditioning "strangers" for parts in the movie they're making (within the movie), and the people auditioning are all Kevin's real life friends -- Affleck, the various Comic Book Men, Supergirl, etc. And the shit they're going on about comes off as omega-cringe improv. It's the kind of shit any other production would include in the "Deleted Scenes" of a home release -- the kind of stuff you endure with a grimace, and then think, "Yeah, I get why that got cut."

Not to mention all the bi-polar tonal swings where moments prior Dante and Randal are cracking wise, then suddenly they're weeping and sobbing out their lines... fucking what the fuck is this movie?!

B E C K

  • 高橋 啓介 FANGIRL
  • Administrator
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 22236
  • Owl Pellets: 888
  • I ♥ 高橋 啓介!
    • View Profile
    • Rabbit In A Suit
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4792 on: Oct 14, 2022, 06:11:57 PM »
Ha ha, I didn't even know there was a Jay and Silent Bob Reboot film. Or maybe I did but I forgot. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was the perfect endcap to the View Askewniverse. Even though I remember liking Jersey Girl and I recall people liking Clerks II. I read a summary of the Reboot film and those girls names alone are the most cringey shit I've read in a while. I'd say literally do anything else but then I remembered He-Man was a thing he... touched. I guess being the comic book nerd he is, he can't resist making this all-encompassing expansive universe with too many installments in it even though he has, like, nothing to say anymore? I mean, his early work was saying something. What is he saying now?

Never listened to his podcast. Is it just about comics or pop culture or something?

jonhammstein

  • Religiously Anon
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 6547
  • Owl Pellets: 15
    • View Profile
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4793 on: Oct 14, 2022, 07:04:42 PM »
I only listen to Fatman Beyond (formerly Fatman on Batman) which is just Kevin Smith and Marc Bernardin musing on all things pop culture. Sometimes they'll do it out of a St*r WarzzZZ-themed bar run by the guy who also produces the podcast. Apparently Kevin also does additional podcasts with other people, but I've never even looked at any of those. I have to imagine those others basically go over all the same kind of shit, because what else would he even talk about? Dude just loves talking about entertainment.

And according to IMDb, there's also a new Mallrats in pre-production...

B E C K

  • 高橋 啓介 FANGIRL
  • Administrator
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 22236
  • Owl Pellets: 888
  • I ♥ 高橋 啓介!
    • View Profile
    • Rabbit In A Suit
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4794 on: Oct 14, 2022, 11:30:31 PM »
I recall he's been trying to make another Mallrats.  It was a movie and then a 10-ep series but nobody wanted the series so now it's back to being a movie starring his daughter's friend who was in Clerks III as Brodie's daughter "Banner" (another cringe name) and bringing back Shannen Doherty.

B E C K

  • 高橋 啓介 FANGIRL
  • Administrator
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 22236
  • Owl Pellets: 888
  • I ♥ 高橋 啓介!
    • View Profile
    • Rabbit In A Suit
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4795 on: Oct 15, 2022, 10:29:09 AM »
I watched about a two minutes of Elvira's Haunted Hills before shutting it off. Should I bother?

Rodent of Unusual Size

  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 3934
  • Owl Pellets: 12
  • *chug Chug CHUG*
    • View Profile
    • http://bonr.shwiggie.com
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4796 on: Oct 15, 2022, 03:26:05 PM »
I've never been a Kevin Smith fan, but I'm particularly pissy over his shoddy Masters of the Universe reboot. It wasn't as bad as the really loud pricks say it was, but it certainly wasn't good. I won't watch anything he's pushing at this point.
Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

Rama

  • The Laziest Man on Mars
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 10302
  • Owl Pellets: 1124
  • Sex Robot...Sex Robot
    • View Profile
    • Radioactive Theater
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4797 on: Oct 16, 2022, 08:20:44 PM »
I blame Seth Rogen. He got Smith to be a wake and baker and that caused him to lose his angst and that was what made him so good. And I can back that up because the last funny movie Smith made was "Zack and Miri Make A Porno" and that was where he met Rogen. After that it was the "put my kid in a movie. Cry at shitty movie trailers. Write lackluster straight to video scripts." He got too happy all the time (which pot has never made me happy all the time, but I digress)

And I use to listen to Smodcast, Hollywood Babel-on, and Tell'm Steve Dave, but now I only listen to Steve Dave...the only one of those that Smith isn't on.

Rama

  • The Laziest Man on Mars
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Your Personal Jesus
  • ********
  • Posts: 10302
  • Owl Pellets: 1124
  • Sex Robot...Sex Robot
    • View Profile
    • Radioactive Theater
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4798 on: Oct 16, 2022, 08:21:22 PM »
I'm also one of those that thought Clerks 2 was really good.

jonhammstein

  • Religiously Anon
  • Crunchy Greenie
  • Vending Machine Panties
  • *******
  • Posts: 6547
  • Owl Pellets: 15
    • View Profile
Re: The last movie I saw was...
« Reply #4799 on: Oct 16, 2022, 08:43:17 PM »
I liked Clerks 2! I'm trying to remember if I ever said otherwise around here. If I did, I was wrong! Clerks 2 is good.

Clerks 2 is an absolute masterpiece compared to Clerks 3.

The scene where Randal makes the LoTR fan vomit is an all-time classic.