So the day I made this post, I actually did have pot roast. I think I'm a relatively decent chef and all but, meh, not one of my better dishes tbh. It came out kinda tough.
I did, however, earn a stamp on my Mexican-American card for finally making delicious tortillas. I have actually only attempted to make them about three times in my life. My mom and grandmothers would make tortillas when I was a kid and when we lived in Shitty Neighborhood™ there was--surprise, surprise--a tortilleria (and a panaderia) nearby.
FYI, not that I think anyone here needs to know this but I'm bored, so anyway...
You'd think with such a high Mexican-American population, we'd have tortillerias (aka "tortilla bakery") and panaderias (aka "bakery-bakery") all over the place. In a way, we do. But honestly, unless you're very rich, you're very poor, or you live downtown, you probably won't have a good one. Our local grocery stores make up for their absence in the suburbs. You can get fresh tortillas of varying qualities at all of them. (If not all, nearly all of them.) I think the general consensus is that homemade would be best.
So in honor of Meatloaf, Louie Anderson, and Thich Nhat Hanh, I'll share this super-secret recipe that I'm 100% certain no one else has...
1 cup self-rising flour
1 heaping tablespoon of Crisco or lard
1/3 cup hot water (heat it up; don't cheat with the tap unless you get scalding hot water)
-Combine the flour and Crisco in a bowl until you have fucking crumbles.
-Add the hot water and mash it all with your hands. Hands work best. Don't be that pussy with a spatula.
-Tear into about four pieces and made dough balls.
-Throw a clean towel on your balls and let them rest. They're fucking tired.
-At about the 15-20 min mark, heat up your comal at medium-high heat. (This is just a flat cast iron pan. You could probably just use a regular pan but cast iron is supposed to be best for reasons or whatever.)
-Flour up a clean countertop and a rolling pin. Roll your balls until they're flat. You want your balls super-flat.
-Once the comal starts to smoke a bit, you can offer the sacrifices put a tortilla onto it.
-COOK FOR THIRTY SECONDS ON EACH SIDE **ONLY** OR YOU WILL END UP WITH A FUCKING CRACKER.
-Throw that steamy bad boy into a tortilla warmer when done. If no warmer, just use a plastic bowl with a lid or a plastic plate on top. Don't let that precious steam escape. Some people throw paper towels in there with the tortillas. DON'T DO IT. THAT FUCKING PAPER TOWEL WILL SUCK UP SOME OF THAT PRECIOUS BALL-MOISTURE.
-Repeat until all of the tortillas are cooked.
-Whatever you don't eat immediately, let sit in the container until they're room temp and then store in a envelope made out of foil.
-Eat in three days or Mexican Sadako will pop out of your comal to slap you with a chancla.
-Leftovers can be microwaved for 15-30 seconds with one of those plastic cover thingies on top so it can re-steam.
Wait, what was this thread about? Dead meat loaf or something? Whatever.
