The last movie I saw was...

[B E C K]

That's a pretty old rumor.  I doubt it'll happen.

[Faye Valentine]

I know but the old rumor had Audrey Plaza as Daria. Although I cant stand her I think she would fit perfectly.

[B E C K]

Google "Daria Alexandra Shipp."  The results are from around 2014 and 2015.  Not as old as the Aubrey Plaza thing from 2013, but still at least two years old.

[Faye Valentine]

Ahhhh thank you for that!

You should work for Snopes.com

[B E C K]

I work for them in my heart.


All righty, so I watched The Great Wall with Matt Damon.  The whitewashing claims were the actually the least of this film's problems.  Someone took "generic fantasy blockbuster" + "white person's view of China" + actual Chinese people + ("Chinese person's view of white people" x .10) + (("assload of CGI monsters" x 10) + "overconceptualized monster concept") = The Great Wall with Matt Damon.  The waifu material was the only awesome thing about the entire movie.  The only mark of Zhang Yimou was the usage of color.

Are you a lover of Western action fantasy films?  This film's too Chinese for you.
Hate subtitles?  There's a lot of Mandarin.  This film's not for you.
Love Chinese action sequences and martial arts?  This film's too Western for you: it's all toned down.
Love Zhang Yimou films?  This doesn't feel like one.
Love any fantasy?  This film's too grounded for you: the only really fantastical aspect are the creatures.
Love bad-ass fighting women?  Aside from the awesome Jing Tian, all of the other main characters are dudes.
Love fantasy films telling a complicated story?  This film's still not for you.  The movie's only 103 minutes and it shows.  There's too big a story for a film this short.

So people who dislike whitewashing and China are already not watching this and a bunch of other people this film could've appealed to have other reasons for not watching this.  The only group it would ever appeal to are people who watch generic fantasy flicks to alleviate boredom.  That's it.  They should've just made the film about Jing Tian's character and her chick brigade and they encounter Matt Damon somehow and then fight some monsters.  Instead there's plotlines about stealing gun powder and little Peng's bravery.  The screenplay gives credit to three guys and two of them worked on the screenplays for Prince of Persia: Sands of Time and The Sorcerer's Apprentice.  Is there any reason those two are still getting work on films with budgets this huge?

[joe]

It Comes At Night!

Super happy fun movie with a feel good ending.

Ahaha just kidding. Entertaining as hell though.

[Rama]

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell no Tales.

Cluster fuck at the start....cluster fuck at the end. Jack Sparrow wasn't even needed for the plot. A whole lot of meh.

Wanted to see Wonder Woman, but the movie had to be 10 days old to use my free pass, so I saw pirates instead.

[Faye Valentine]

What do you mean by clusterfuck? I thought it was entertaining. But yeah as Nuri said before, the originals are the best ones.
I didnt even stay for the after credits (completely forgot about it btw).

[B E C K]

I went ahead and watched Prince of Persia: Sands of Time.  Less horrible than I imagined it would be.  I was put off that everyone was spray-tanned Dumps-orange.  Missed opportunity to put in some really cool parkour chase sequences.  Like The Great Wall, it was an inoffensive popcorn flick for a lazy afternoon and nothing more.  It will be remembered for nothing other than the fact it got made at all.

I also watched The Seventh Son, which completely butchered the book it's based on and wasted Julianne Moore.  I still can't figure out what was with Jeff Bridges' lisp but I love imitating it.  More entertaining that Prince of Persia but that's not saying too much.

I tried to watch the Clash of the Titans remake and couldn't sit through it.  It was fucking boring so I put on Sing.  It was cute.  Didn't care for it enough to ever watch it again, but it was cute.

[Rodent of Unusual Size]

I was able to download and watch a full HD version of El Dorado this past weekend. I'd feel worse about downloading it if I'd not bought it on VHS and DVD so many times already. I think I have 2 discs of it floating around somewhere. But I love that movie...John Wayne FTW. I may just have to get the bluray of it and hope there's extras.

[joe]

Just got back from the new Transmorphers, and hard as it might be to believe, it was actually... pretty good? Like, it didn't bore me and it didn't piss me off. Every time something seemed like it might be heading into groaner territory, they reined it in and stopped just short of it. It's almost as if they've learned some restraint over the past decade.

I don't want to give anything away, but there's a Decepticon roll call, and it's pretty great. There's baby Dinobots, and if Hasbro didn't make toys of those guys, they're fucking insane. Anthony Hopkins' character isn't hokey/unnecessary (Odin in Thor), and is in fact likable/entertaining throughout.

The whole thing just surprised the hell out of me, honestly.

[Rodent of Unusual Size]

There's another one?

I'm kidding. I gave up after the blasphemy of 3. In fact I have already dropped the only TF-related thing I was having anything to do with (a FB page) over movie stuff..."if you don't like the movies you're a geewunner dickwad" horse hockey. You'd have thought I'd have learned my lesson with regard to the intransigent douche-baggery inherent to the fandom over ten years ago.

[joe]

Man, if you didn't like 3, try watching 4. Holy fuck. I think maybe that's another reason I liked Last Knight so much -- Age of Extinction was a disease.

[Rodent of Unusual Size]

Saw Wonder Woman. I agree with most people in saying that it was a good, fun movie, but you were right about the second half being a bit of a let-down. I had a hard time understanding how she was leaping around and using weapons the whole time and then throwing tanks and being Superfemme by the end, but the movie sets up in the beginning and culminates in the explanation that she was just not as powerful as she should be until she more or less awakened to her full potential at the end. It was a good origin movie, and it helps show Diana's growth from a wide-eyed innocent here to her James Bondish demeanor in BvS.

[joe]

New Spider-Man is SPECTACULAR. Maybe it's just because I fully expected it to be absolute dogshit, but man did it ever impress. Recommended!

[joe]

Baby Driver is pretty damn good. Scott Pilgrim is still my favorite Edgar Wright movie though.

[joe]

Still deciding whether I like Valerian or not. It's no Fifth Element, that's for sure.

[B E C K]

Do you think it would've worked with different lead actors or were there more problems than that?  The backgrounds and stuff looked beautiful in the trailer but Howdy Doody and McEyebrows weren't doing it for me.

[joe]

I mean, it's probably worth watching at least once for the visuals. The acting is adequate, I don't think alternative casting would have improved much. The overall tone was just way too saccharine, almost Disney-like. Fifth Element is goofy at times, but it also has a hard edge to it. I guess maybe I was expecting something a little darker.

Atomic Blonde is like a female version of John Wick, but somehow manages to be even more brutal. There's one fight scene in particular that is absolutely awful, in a good way.

[Rodent of Unusual Size]

I haven't bothered with a movie since I downloaded and rewatched Wonder Woman.

[Faye Valentine]

Still deciding whether I like Valerian or not. It's no Fifth Element, that's for sure.

Havent watched but Cara Delevigne(sp?) is overrated as hell and cannot act.

[joe]

How is she overrated? Are you speaking strictly about her looks? Because I don't know that anyone has ever remarked favorably about her dramatic talents.

Yeah, she's kind of flat in this. Maybe a little robotic. Sort of like January Jones, or Kate Mara. They all struggle to convey emotion.

[B E C K]

I think you might mean "overexposed," Faye. But, yeah, she's like some rich guy's kid, right? "Daddy, Daddy, you made me a model and now I wanna be a movie star." Really sad when you can see the industry is bending over backwards for someone like Cara when they could've found fresh talent. You had your shot, Caterbrows, so get lost.

[B E C K]

Fyi, Kate and Rooney Mara are also rich people's brats. "But they just found the best actress for the role, guise."

[joe]

I remember you mentioning that before. Armie Hammer as well, right?

Although I must admit he was amusing in The Man from U.N.C.L.E. He did a pretty good job there, honestly.

[joe]

I saw Dark Tower the other night. You might think, "Oh, most of the critics are crapping on that, you probably didn't like it." But actually, I did like it. It's not great, I didn't love it. It's a pretty good movie, though. I would have liked to see the rest of the series adapted as well, but fat chance of that happening now.

I don't blame the reviews. I'm willing to bet even if the reception had been overwhelmingly positive, people still wouldn't have showed up for it. It's just one of those things.

[Rodent of Unusual Size]

Downloaded Guardians of the Galaxy 2. I didn't remember just how 80's trippy it was, but the whole movie looked like a tie-dyed shirt. I also picked up a lot more of the humor since I could hear it better and had subtitles.  I'm probably going to watch it again after church.

[Rama]

I saw both Dark Tower and Ghost in Shell

Dark Tower wasnt all I hoped it would be, but Ghost In the Shell was surprisingly enjoyable.

[joe]

Dark Tower is performing quite poorly, so I doubt we'll ever see it grow into a film franchise.

Maybe try again as a TV series? Animated? I don't know. I'd like to see the story adapted in some way, but it's not as if the books are ever going away, so whatever.

[Faye Valentine]

Shit I forgot I wanted to watch Dark Tower! I dont even think they have it in the movies anymore

Watched Annabelle. It was ok. Lots of jumpscares tho, i dont really like that.

Waiting for IT and Kingsman 2