Author Topic: Holy crap (Read 98715 times)

IDE · « **Reply #90 on:** Dec 14, 2007, 07:01:07 PM »

are you a yankees fan?

No I'm a steroids fan.

*punch someone in the face with a gallon of milk*

PROTEIN!

IDE · « **Reply #91 on:** Dec 15, 2007, 09:48:18 PM »

No matter how many times I see the two towers tears well up in my eyes when theoden rides out with aragorn and gandalf and eomer come crashing down on first light of the 5th day. If god is real he will send me to some place similar or else make sure I'm re born in 2174 to unite the colonies against the tyranny of earth.

IDE · « **Reply #92 on:** Dec 17, 2007, 03:21:12 PM »

I've been watching the new batman trailer for hours to steal Ledger's joker laugh. I've got my own version of it now and am going into tonight's screen test with full confidence.

B E C K · « **Reply #93 on:** Dec 17, 2007, 05:20:58 PM »

Brokeback Joker.

IDE · « **Reply #94 on:** Dec 17, 2007, 09:56:02 PM »

I prefer the one I coined:

Joke Back Mountain

So I just got back from the screen test.

It was really interesting seeing other people try to do the same part as me. There were 5 of us. 3 of them sucked balls. It's funny how I knew who my competition was going to be before even seeing him read. I could tell the force was strong with him. I don't think he sensed the same about me because I was deliberately hiding my true powet level. There was a look of respect on his face when I took a break to drink some water. The 3 tool bags gave luke warm performances, their maniacal laughs were so piss poor I actually lol'd. Imagine contestants from American Idol trying to read for the joker. The bald guy who was good gave them slightly high pitched voice insane hill billy guy, and it was good.

I gave them the motherfucking joker. When I walked out to watch bald guy read with one of the guys that sucked. I asked him if he'd seen the new batman preview and told him heath ledger is the joker. Then I thought he said "He'd make a really good joker". So I said yeah he's actually really good. And then the guy said No, YOU would make a really good joker. And I said thanks.

This whole thing is another ego stroke for me. But I still believe that the people in hollywood with representation are all at bald guy's powet level or stronger. Which is why I must train with some sort of acting teacher King Kai to achieve real ultimate powet.

B E C K · « **Reply #95 on:** Dec 18, 2007, 01:40:40 AM »

King Kai can't get you to SS3 though.

IDE · « **Reply #96 on:** Dec 18, 2007, 11:27:15 AM »

True...

I had the most fucked up dream last night. All the people at the casting were sitting in a class room. And the casting director handed back sheets of paper grading our performances. The bald fag got the part and I was offered a role as some sort squad of 3 guardians that didn't seem to have any speaking roles at all. And I started asking the other guys who didnt get the role in the class if they were going to settle for the guardian role and they were all "yeah I'll do anything to help." And then I said well I'm not local I'd have to make the drive every week end it would be like paying to be an extra. And one guy was like man I'm doing it it's a good opportunity for exposure. Then I said I'm willing to drive around if it's something I can use on my reel, and one of the other guys got pissed and was all "your reel that's all you care about huh?" and I was like man I'm not from west palm I have to...and he was like whatever guy, and I was like fuck off, and he walked away being a snooty fag.

Then I went to the front of the class for some reason and knelt next to this girls desk. She had brown curly hair. There was a blonde there and she said "I want my name to be _______" (the name of the blonde) she said "I'm _______ "and I was like, yes you are. Then we started making out. I haven't kissed a girl in months so this was awesome...but then I woke up and was glad that I hadn't lost the part and sad that I still haven't kissed a girl in months.

tl;dr: I dreamt I didn't get the part and made out with some chick.

B E C K · « **Reply #97 on:** Dec 19, 2007, 12:49:09 AM »

Time will tell if it was a prophetic dream.

Bernie AKA · « **Reply #98 on:** Dec 19, 2007, 08:57:28 AM »

And I thought my Alan Cumming bondage dream when I fell asleep during the repeat of "Tin Man" was wild.

Not that there's anything wrong with that....

Wickedly Yours E · « **Reply #99 on:** Dec 19, 2007, 09:01:20 AM »

Ide, you're weird. One minute you're a jock, the next you're a hardcore nerd.....
I'M SO CONFOOZED!

Rama · « **Reply #100 on:** Dec 19, 2007, 01:22:15 PM »

Quote from: Bernie AKA on Dec 19, 2007, 08:57:28 AM

And I thought my Alan Cumming bondage dream when I fell asleep during the repeat of "Tin Man" was wild.

Not that there's anything wrong with that....

Weird....I had a dream about spanking Zooey Deschanel after watching Tin Man.

IDE · « **Reply #101 on:** Dec 19, 2007, 01:44:39 PM »

Quote from: Wickedly Yours E on Dec 19, 2007, 09:01:20 AM

Ide, you're weird. One minute you're a jock, the next you're a hardcore nerd.....

AND HOW CAN THIS BE!?

[attachment deleted by admin]

Rama · « **Reply #102 on:** Dec 19, 2007, 01:49:58 PM »

Because he IS the Kwisatz Haderach!

If I didn't say, no one would have.

Bernie AKA · « **Reply #103 on:** Dec 19, 2007, 02:29:37 PM »

Oh, really?

But never mind - it's already been said....

Rama · « **Reply #104 on:** Dec 19, 2007, 03:09:24 PM »

Well I was doubtful when I said it. After all his Prescience isn't very accurate. And he doesn't really seem to be of Noble birth. If he was spouting "Crom" I'd be a little more behind it.

IDE · « **Reply #105 on:** Dec 25, 2007, 10:31:32 PM »

Quote from: B E C K on Dec 19, 2007, 12:49:09 AM

Time will tell if it was a prophetic dream.

Ok so it seems I didn't get the part and then tonight on the plane ride home a cute latina chick picks me up. She got my number and I'm meeting her at a bar on south beach soon. I haven't talked to a girl in months and then out of no where a girl picks me up. She's on her way to venezuela 2moro so after we party I'll ask her if she wants me to drive her to the airport since I live semi close to it. Even if I don't bang her I bet we make out which means the dream was prophetic because she does have brown curly(ish) hair.

Or maybe I'll puss out and not meet her at the bar...I don't know this whole thing is so weird. If this wasn't me we were talking about I would assume she wants to drug me and steal my kidney. But it is me! So she probably just wants a piece of my forgotten god powet...before she harvests my organs.

Time to take a shower and get ready.

IDE · « **Reply #106 on:** Dec 25, 2007, 11:03:52 PM »

Also if I choose to accept this mission I will be doing so on legendary mode.

Right now there is pressure in my ear even though I've been off the plane for over an hour. There have only been 2 other times that this has ever happened. Both times I boarded the plane with an unknown ear infection and when I got off the pressure would build until it felt like my ear drum was going to pop complete with me running around on the floor in circles like some sort of constricted with pain version of homer simpson. I can sort of feel the pressure building now. The last time this happened I was like 10 so I'm assuming my pain threshold has grown with me. The clock is ticking I give myself 2 hours before the full force is felt if its going to hit.

I'm almost hoping she doesn't call me back. She's going to meet up with her friends tell them she met some guy on an airplane. They'll tell her she's crazy and not to call me. Then I can suffer here in peace. If she calls we ride out with the death pain and over come all obstacles like beowulf of sparta.

Actually that last edit was made when I wasn't completely sure if this was the pain of yore and it's starting to seem more likely that it is...

I think I'm calling off the date with my organ harvester to do battle with my childhood nemesis.

*feels the pulsing*

Oh yes it is that pain.

Why Odin? Why have you forsaken me!

another edit:
crap! She just texted me.

The pain is building. But shes a tiny 5'1" latin chick who obviously wants me! They're going to a different bar and she wants me to meet her there when she gets there.

I remember smashing my finger and shattering it so it bent back the other way once. Then I grabbed my finger and forced it to bend back the right way. That didn't hurt as bad as I remember this hurting. But then I was only 11 maybe I was exagerating the pain. From the way this is starting to feel I don't think I was though.

edit:

It appears there is a name for this:
http://www.drlouryent.com/Pages/PatientServices/1041.html

Though why this unlikely shit had to happen to me during the same time that some chick gave me the full court press on a plane is certainly a strong argument for the involvement of a higher powet.

Faye Valentine · « **Reply #107 on:** Dec 27, 2007, 06:02:08 PM »

SO DRAMATIC.

IDE · « **Reply #108 on:** Dec 27, 2007, 07:57:04 PM »

Well I am an actor. My ear doesn't hurt today it just feels like theres water in it. The funny thing is that all of this could have been avoided if I had blown my nose (thats how I make the pressure go away on the plane) in front of the girl. But instead I opted for looking cool and having my head explode.

IDE · « **Reply #109 on:** Dec 29, 2007, 09:01:54 PM »

little karate guy, going bald guy, silent huge guy, and peter venkman

Rama · « **Reply #110 on:** Jan 05, 2008, 02:35:02 AM »

"He's a salior. He's in New York. We get this guy laid and we won't have any trouble."

IDE · « **Reply #111 on:** Jan 05, 2008, 10:30:11 PM »

Have you ever tried being sober and celibate? I don't think you fully grasp what you're proposing here. I've done it man...5 months. Then one night I was at my cousin's engagement party and I had a beer, and another beer, and another beer, and anothe, you're picking up what I'm putting down right? And do you know what happened? All of the suppressed sexual tension came bubbling to the surface. Every chick in the place started looking good. From my cousin's roomate to my aunt's 50 yr old friends. And then it hit me...I haven't been laid in 5 fucking months! And then I thought "What about those poor fat bastards sitting in front of their computers on the internet who will never get laid? The pure white hot pristine pain caused from such intense longing they must feel. Knowing that they will never feel the inside of a woman.

And people actually wonder where serial killers come from...

Thank god I'm attractive or I'd definitely be turning chicks into lamp shades.

Faye Valentine · « **Reply #112 on:** Jan 06, 2008, 06:41:35 PM »

I have this theory that if you are a virgin you don't know how gooood sex is, so you don't crave it.

Bitch · « **Reply #113 on:** Jan 06, 2008, 07:55:00 PM »

I lost my virginity less than a year ago, and I agree. Certain times of the month, I want it so bad I feel like crashing a frat party. Except I'm too fat to do dumb frat guys, so I'd have to do either a redneck or an ugly gross hobo. Neither is an option, obviously, so... :\

Derrick · « **Reply #114 on:** Jan 06, 2008, 08:19:29 PM »

Quote from: Bitch on Jan 06, 2008, 07:55:00 PM

I lost my virginity less than a year ago, and I agree. Certain times of the month, I want it so bad I feel like crashing a frat party. Except I'm too fat to do dumb frat guys, so I'd have to do either a redneck or an ugly gross hobo. Neither is an option, obviously, so... :\

I doubt they'd say no after a few beers. Some guys love fat chicks.

IDE · « **Reply #115 on:** Jan 06, 2008, 09:08:16 PM »

Quote from: Faye Valentine on Jan 06, 2008, 06:41:35 PM

I have this theory that if you are a virgin you don't know how gooood sex is, so you don't crave it.

You're right. I need to replace fat virgins with fat disfigured non virgins in that monologue.

Quote from: Bitch on Jan 06, 2008, 07:55:00 PM

I lost my virginity less than a year ago, and I agree. Certain times of the month, I want it so bad I feel like crashing a frat party. Except I'm too fat to do dumb frat guys, so I'd have to do either a redneck or an ugly gross hobo. Neither is an option, obviously, so... :\

How fat are you now? If you still look like your old myspace pic you shouldn't have a problem getting some frat guy to bang you. Actually I have a thing for pale chicks lately (pr0n wise) so maybe I'm biased.

Rama · « **Reply #116 on:** Jan 07, 2008, 01:30:39 AM »

Quote from: IDE on Jan 05, 2008, 10:30:11 PM

Have you ever tried being sober and celibate?

I'm always sober.

B E C K · « **Reply #117 on:** Jan 07, 2008, 03:02:08 AM »

I never know if IDE is talking seriously in this thread or just spouting lines for something.

Derrick · « **Reply #118 on:** Jan 07, 2008, 05:16:12 AM »

Quote from: B E C K on Jan 07, 2008, 03:02:08 AM

I never know if IDE is talking seriously in this thread or just spouting lines for something.

Doesn't that explain all of his posts?

IDE · « **Reply #119 on:** Jan 07, 2008, 10:19:36 AM »

Quote from: Derrick on Jan 07, 2008, 05:16:12 AM

Quote from: B E C K on Jan 07, 2008, 03:02:08 AM
I never know if IDE is talking seriously in this thread or just spouting lines for something.

Doesn't that explain all of his posts?

this board needs a quote-o-matic