Author Topic: Evangelists (Read 12949 times)

The D · « **on:** Oct 29, 2005, 10:35:26 PM »

For the past few months, occasionally I see this group of evangalists standing on the same street corner, often for several hours, preaching about how we're all going to hell unless we give Jesus a nice head job.

At first, I ignored them. But eventually, I wanted to say something back to them. I've seen people get angry and yell at them, and I knew that wouldn't work. So I decided to mess around with them and taunt them.

A few days ago, I walked past and said "Amen, mother fuckers! Preach that shit! Rock on, assholes, Rock on!" and stuff, and headbanged and did the devil horns at them.

Tonight, they were out in strength and had this guy dressed as Satan who was going around telling people to sin, and I got in his face. They also had a guy in a gorilla suit that had a sign that said that Darwin had bananas for brains. I pushed him around a little and stalked him.

First off, I yelled from about 20 feet away: "Your mother is a hampster and your father smells of elderberries!" This actually got a response, I didn't hear it well but I think he was threatening me and saying "You want a piece of me, come over here sinner!"

An hour later they were still there, and I stood there and watched the fun, and yelled some stuff at them. The guy started talking about how we all have secrets and sins, and went on about pr0n. He seemed really angry and agressive for some reason.

Me: "Porn? Sounds like you need a couple of playboys. You sound rather angry and sexually frustrated! Haven't been laid in ages because no woman will touch you. Try masturbating your stress off!"
Him: Mock me all you want fornicator! I'm not the one who needs pr0n, I am pure before the Lord. You're the one who probably has pr0n and that is why you're being hostile towards me. How does it feel to be living in sin?
Me: Pretty fucking good, actually. Orgasmic. Best time ever.

I'll have to think of more material to use against them.

Rama · « **Reply #1 on:** Oct 30, 2005, 01:07:57 AM »

Wow. Way to show your superior intellect there Khan.

Chopper Face 69 · « **Reply #2 on:** Oct 30, 2005, 10:03:43 AM »

I was eating at a restaurant downtown once and there was someone from the Fire of God church across the screen with a sign of 11 sins that means I was going to hell for. We were all trying to figure out for how many reasons we were going to hell but I didn't know what one of them meant. I can't remember what the word was. Anyway I went and asked him what it meant and he just said to break the law. So I turned around and yelled to my friend across the street "I've got 7!". He beat me though since he'd commited adultery and had done 8.

Anyway these people piss me off but I'm not about to sit there yelling back at them. The most I've ever done is offer them a random flyer in exchange for one of theirs.

I wish I could find that list...

Sinning Tom · « **Reply #3 on:** Oct 30, 2005, 02:38:18 PM »

*types with one hand and sins with the other*

Kary's Dad is starting down that path... his anti-mooklem philosphy made him easy pickings for them. So now he believes Jack Chick (lookit up) comic books about a horrible historian's lies that had him laughed at by the academic community (yet psycho christians embrace him) instead of just talking to actual muslims and discussing their religion.

As Jabba said, CLOSE MINDED FOOL!

Rama · « **Reply #4 on:** Oct 31, 2005, 02:36:19 AM »

Actually Jabba said "You weak-minded fool. He's using a old Jedi mind trick."

That's right...to further prove my SW geekness, I have in fact, memorized the subtitles.

And I saw a PBS special on Jack Chick once....Actually I think it was a segment of a much larger program but I can't remember it's name.

Chopper Face 69 · « **Reply #5 on:** Oct 31, 2005, 05:38:24 AM »

It's a subtitle. The word to word transcription is up to enterpretation. What matters is the meaning of it in his orignal... whatever.

Guest · « **Reply #6 on:** Oct 31, 2005, 02:37:25 PM »

Eitherway, Jack Chick is a fucktard.

Rama · « **Reply #7 on:** Oct 31, 2005, 10:54:39 PM »

Quote

It's a subtitle. The word to word transcription is up to enterpretation. What matters is the meaning of it in his orignal... whatever.

Well when you find someone that actually speaks Huttesse and get them to come here and tell us he is REALLY saying, then I'll go by what is on the screen and in the script.

Faye Valentino · « **Reply #8 on:** Oct 31, 2005, 11:55:16 PM »

Huttese is Inca.

Rama · « **Reply #9 on:** Nov 01, 2005, 02:21:33 AM »

It uses some Inca words, but like the Ewoks language it's a complete jumble of words that sound good together from various languages and even some words backwards. If you actually found someone that could translate the REAL words used in the entire Trilogy you wouldn't get anything that made any sense.

Chopper Face 69 · « **Reply #10 on:** Nov 01, 2005, 05:55:04 AM »

Quote

Quote
It's a subtitle. The word to word transcription is up to enterpretation. What matters is the meaning of it in his orignal... whatever.
Well when you find someone that actually speaks Huttesse and get them to come here and tell us he is REALLY saying, then I'll go by what is on the screen and in the script.

I was kind of trying to be funny.

But real geek points would have gone to the guy who typed it out in the original language.

Rama · « **Reply #11 on:** Nov 01, 2005, 06:51:20 AM »

Coo ya ba ya scoon. Eh toyas old Jedi mine trick.

Now granted that's just what I hear...."Old" might "Oye". Jedi doesn't seem to translate as he says "Jedi" many times, so it must not have word in his language. It sounds like he says "Mine" but it could as easily be Mind and again Trick doesn't seem to translate. In fact the whole line phrase "Old Jedi Mind Trick" could be spoken by Jabba in Galactic basic instead of Huttese.

I have yet to find anywhere where what Jabba says is written in Huttese instead of english. So I can't chell to see how close I am in the proper spelling of the Huttese words.

B E C K · « **Reply #12 on:** Nov 01, 2005, 11:11:57 PM »

Weak. Do you really have nothing better to do than harass people and then make a War and Peace sized post about how you harassed said people?

Quote

He seemed really angry and agressive for some reason.

Maybe because you yelled at him, dick.

Extra Zero · « **Reply #13 on:** Nov 02, 2005, 04:50:33 AM »

My approach has never been to harass Evangelists...I go about it more...subtlety. For instance, there was a group of three Mormons handing out paper-back bibles on campus about two years ago. I simply accepted a copy, and in a Homer Simpson fashion, I declared "I think I'll eat it now!" I ate about three to five pages of that bible as I walked off...looking over my shoulder occasionally to savor the looks of horror and confusion on their faces.

Faye Valentine · « **Reply #14 on:** Nov 02, 2005, 08:26:04 AM »

I love getting free bibles

Bitch · « **Reply #15 on:** Nov 02, 2005, 08:35:16 AM »

So do I. They make good kindling.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #16 on:** Nov 02, 2005, 12:41:27 PM »

Standing on street corners and indicting the world as all sinners isn't going to win any converts, no matter how true it is. People doing this typically do so for two reasons: 1) they're sanctimonious asses who think they're better than everyone else and prove it by pulling stunts like this, and/or 2) their particular type of faith requires specific works from them and this is a means to accomplishing it. For me, neither case is tolerable, but being a dick in return is not a response someone condemning their actions should take.

This is why I love the Gideons. They're not out there to harrass you or force their message down your throat (some may, but none of the ones I've ever dealt with were bothersome with it)...they want to share something they consider highly valuable with you and be a good witness. They'll introduce themselves, offer a Bible, and you can either take it or not. I always enjoyed talking with them while I was going to school...during a time in my life when I really needed encouragement. And in my time in school, I met lots of similar outreach groups from other religions (yes, even at Podunk Holler University) who behaved similarly. They should be respected, even if you disagree with their views.

However, it pisses me off to no end to see good people such as these (trying to do a good work for their Lord and in their mind give others the means to salvation) get harrassed for their efforts by self-important jerkholes who try to use them as their whipping boys in taking out frustration against perceived wrongs that they're not even responsible for or complicit to.

Anyway, I got off topic, but anyone castigating others over their in-your-face beliefs by going even further overboard is crazy unless you're just trying to prove how much of a douche you really are.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #17 on:** Nov 02, 2005, 01:01:55 PM »

Check out this evangelist

Merla · « **Reply #18 on:** Nov 02, 2005, 01:52:06 PM »

Bloody Hell! You ate the book!

I usually just take whatever is offered and get rid of it later.

Bitch · « **Reply #19 on:** Nov 02, 2005, 07:08:08 PM »

Actually, if I'm talked to on the street by religious people, I tell them I'm Buddhist or something. I used to kind of like evangelists, because they'd talk to me while I was waiting for a bus or something and it was a way to pass the time, but there was I time where I didn't feel like talking to one and told her I was Budhist, and she said that it was okay because Buddhism was based on Christianity anyway. I laughed so hard at the poor lady, I think she almost cried, but I couldn't help it because it sounded almost stereotypical. But I have a lot of respect for religious people simply because they can believe so strongly in something so good, and even if their whole life is hell, if they're good to others and follow the law then they can go to a better place when they die. But since I don't practice any religion, when I die all I'm gonna be is fertilizer no matter how nice I am, so I can't really say I don't like religious people because it sounds to me like I'm just a little jealous.

tomduo · « **Reply #20 on:** Nov 02, 2005, 10:25:17 PM »

I am a Catholic. Not a full one, but still I am a Deist.

I do believe in evolution. Anyone who thinks Darwin was a moron is an idiot in my opinion.

Rama · « **Reply #21 on:** Nov 02, 2005, 11:45:27 PM »

Well I think we can all agree on one thing. And that is if someone doesn't believe what you believe, being a complete douche bag to them is the best way to get them to see the wisdom of your way of thinking. It must be sound, because so many assholes do it.

tomduo · « **Reply #22 on:** Nov 02, 2005, 11:53:14 PM »

FUCK YOU, YOU GODDAMNED MONGOLIAN!

Phagey · « **Reply #23 on:** Nov 03, 2005, 12:48:55 PM »

Fuck it.

*Writes down that eating thing to use later*

B E C K · « **Reply #24 on:** Nov 03, 2005, 01:15:31 PM »

Just yesterday, I ran into some crazy religious person on the street (for the second time). He's this black duder with glasses, a cellphone and briefcase, complete in a business suit, and it's like someone plucked him right out of church. He's doing that loud preachy Jesse Jackson thang and I'm just "oh, god, it's way too early" because I'm fucking tired, so I turned back around and waited like fifteen feet away from the bus stop so I wouldn't have to have him yelling in my face. My bus comes and as I go to board it, he comes up to all of us boarding the bus and starts preaching loudly in our faces anyway. "As you BOARD that bus, what is it TAKING you to!? Where WILL you GO!? BLAH BLAH BLAH HEAVEN DA LORD DA LORD BLAH BLAH..." What an asshole. I understand you're trying to save our souls or whatever but give us a flyer and invite us to your church or something, you fucking bitch. I hate that preachy-preachy yell-at-you method. Like he'd so full of energy he'll be Mt. Jizz-erest in his pants at any given moment.

Wickedly Yours E · « **Reply #25 on:** Nov 03, 2005, 08:05:15 PM »

Fuck religion. I believe in God, but I just don't CARE.

....I'll have to remember that eat the bible thing though. There's some guys at campus that hand out bibles occasionally. Kind of annoying types...

Me: "Oh A bible, thanks! :::Starts eating the pages.:::"
Guy: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! You are SINNING! You are going to HELL for that!
Me: "::Swallow.,:: Let me get this straight. You standing here in the way of everyone handing out books is your ticket to heaven, but because I don't want to pay the cafeteria prices but refuse to go hungry so I turn to an alternative source of food, I go to hell? Well if God is going to judge me to go to hell, and I highly doubt this, because I want to add more fiber to my diet? Fuck him. Where's the god damn Tobasco sauce?"

Retarded_Phagey · « **Reply #26 on:** Nov 03, 2005, 10:15:05 PM »

I used a 'get out of hell free' card as toilet paper once.

The D · « **Reply #27 on:** Nov 03, 2005, 10:18:17 PM »

Quote

Weak. Do you really have nothing better to do than harass people and then make a War and Peace sized post about how you harassed said people?

Quote
He seemed really angry and agressive for some reason.
Maybe because you yelled at him, dick.

Look, these guys were pretty agressive and loud and obnoxious religious nutjobs, so I see nothing wrong with having a little fun with them.

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Just yesterday, I ran into some crazy religious person on the street (for the second time). ....blah blah blah blah.... I hate that preachy-preachy yell-at-you method. Like he'd so full of energy he'll be Mt. Jizz-erest in his pants at any given moment.

Wait, you think I'm going too far, yet this is the type of people that hang out downtown. And you wouldn't want to mess with his head?

I got no problem with harassing and poking fun at those who take their religious beliefs too far, or tell other people that their own beliefs are wrong and evil. So I yell Monty Python quotes at them and tell them to read some playboys and masturbate, and sarcastically act like I agree with them. If I can mock them and enjoy it and get a good laugh from it, it's all good.

And if you think I've gone too far, then you suck.

B E C K · « **Reply #28 on:** Nov 03, 2005, 11:34:37 PM »

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Wait, you think I'm going too far, yet this is the type of people that hang out downtown. And you wouldn't want to mess with his head?

No, I wouldn't. Where do I even start? He doesn't matter that much to me. I have better things to do. I'd rather not waste my breath. I'm not really as sadistic as you are. I'd rather not play with fire and have him turn out to be one of insane wackos that done keels fer da lord...

Bernie AKA · « **Reply #29 on:** Nov 07, 2005, 09:44:13 AM »

I prefer the subtle approach, like the fun I'm having at the office with the Prop 2 (gay marriage) amendment:

"Since Susan B. Anthony was a lesbian, I've heard that true conservative women aren't voting."

"Support the KKK amendment? Um...no thanks...." *edges slightly away*

"But if it's a faith-based amendment, why doesn't it include a ban on atheists/convicted murderers marrying? They've directly violated the first/sixth Commandments, haven't they?"

Reactions have included deer-in-headlights silence, sputtering and rapid changes in subject, but no succinct answers so far.

Author Topic: Evangelists (Read 12949 times)

Sinning Tom

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Retarded_Phagey