Author Topic: Virgins sue over 40yo virgin movie (Read 10161 times)

The D · « **on:** Sep 10, 2005, 09:29:14 PM »

http://datelinehollywood.com/archives/2005...m-uncomfortable

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Hollywood - The new movie “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” will hit theaters next week, but across America, real 40-year-old virgins say promotions for the upcoming movie make them very uncomfortable as friends and family members make comparisons to the film and remind them of the fact they’ve never gotten laid. The virgins have filed a class action lawsuit against Universal Pictures seeking unspecified damages for emotional distress.

Stuart Brownfield (chat screen name: farscaperules23) is a 40-year-old virgin in Nashua, New Hampshire who filed the original lawsuit. He is hoping that the movie will bomb at the box office. “I work in an office (Office Depot) and someone saw the ad for the movie in the paper,” said Brownfield. “Then, this one guy I can’t stand in shipping turns to me and says, ‘Hey Stuart, this movie sounds like it’s right up your alley.’ Everyone started laughing. I was so devastated I couldn’t even watch the new episode of ‘Battlestar Galactica’ that night.”

Actor Steve Carell plays 40-year-old virgin Andy Stitzer in the movie. Andy’s never had sex. His friends consider it their duty to help, but nothing proves effective enough until he meets Trish (Catherine Keener), a 40-year-old mother of three.

“People who have seen the trailer for the movie are now calling me ‘Andy,’” said an emotional Brownfield. “People at the office know that I’ve never gotten laid, but no one really said anything until these movie trailers and posters started appearing. My life has been a nightmare. I haven’t felt this bad since ‘Episode I.’”

“It’s not easy being a virgin, and I really feel for these guys,” said 42-year-old Stan Jennings of Cranston, Rhode Island. Jennings, who works at Industrial Soap Inc., finally lost his virginity last year while having sex with a prostitute who ended up giving him gonorrhea. “I am not a virgin anymore, and it feels great, although I do have some burning. However, being a former virgin, I empathize with those losers, and I think the movie should be stopped.”

Star Trek and St*r WarzzZZ fans who have been feuding for decades have finally found a common cause in the lawsuit.

“We don’t think it’s funny to make fun of virgins, and we will use all of our powers to stop this film,” said 40year old Larry Nohan, the president of the Star Trek Milwaukee Federation. “This movie is a blatant attempt to humiliate us. Why can’t people just leave us alone with our Uhura pr0n and stop judging us?”

Lou Peters, a 39-year-old virgin and St*r WarzzZZ fan from San Diego who lives with his parents, considers himself lucky.

“I’m so glad I’m still 39,” said Peters who wears a Stormtrooper costume on weekends while playing the “St*r WarzzZZ: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” videogame online. “One year old older and I would be the laughing stock of my neighborhood.”

Faye Valentino · « **Reply #1 on:** Sep 10, 2005, 09:41:10 PM »

What a douche. And this story is old.

MegatronYES · « **Reply #2 on:** Sep 11, 2005, 07:58:07 PM »

It's a gag story.

TM2 Rampage · « **Reply #3 on:** Sep 11, 2005, 08:01:03 PM »

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It's a gag story.

WHAT?! I HAVEN'T FELT THIS TRICKED SINCE THE END OF THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK!

Faye Valentino · « **Reply #4 on:** Sep 11, 2005, 08:36:42 PM »

I think Vader was lying.

Wickedly Yours E · « **Reply #5 on:** Sep 11, 2005, 09:10:51 PM »

I think Eps I-III were lies.

B E C K · « **Reply #6 on:** Sep 11, 2005, 10:11:55 PM »

That was lame.

Rama · « **Reply #7 on:** Sep 12, 2005, 02:54:19 PM »

Maybe he could get one of his buddies to lead him a C-note and he can go down to the Red Light district and fix the problem. Course then he'll have a whole new problem.....CRABS!

Faye Valentine · « **Reply #8 on:** Sep 12, 2005, 06:24:30 PM »

Gosh I love sex

Faye Valentino · « **Reply #9 on:** Sep 12, 2005, 06:36:18 PM »

Which proves, Faye has crabs.

GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!

Faye Valentine · « **Reply #10 on:** Sep 12, 2005, 07:46:25 PM »

I do have crabs, 2 hermit crabs. THe bigger one's name is Sir Winston and the smaller one's name is Conchita. Lil' Vincent died last week:(

Faye Valentino · « **Reply #11 on:** Sep 12, 2005, 08:30:37 PM »

You named them!?

x.x Hit em with this shampoo. It saved me after last year's spring break.

Faye Valentine · « **Reply #12 on:** Sep 12, 2005, 08:32:54 PM »

Me and my bf. He chose Sir Winston cause of Winston Churchill

he just loooooves history

B E C K · « **Reply #13 on:** Sep 12, 2005, 10:39:40 PM »

Am I the only one with the weirdest mental image right now?

Rama · « **Reply #14 on:** Sep 13, 2005, 12:03:44 AM »

No.

I'm just seeing him giving the Iron Curtain speech from a forrest of pubes.

B E C K · « **Reply #15 on:** Sep 13, 2005, 10:44:57 AM »

I don't think there're any forrests on those beaches. Maybe a clutch of tortise eggs and a discarded coca-cola can near the wafting palm tree.

Bernie AKA · « **Reply #16 on:** Sep 13, 2005, 12:31:23 PM »

If you're using "beaches" as a metaphor, Nuri, I'm getting an even weirder mental image.

Rama · « **Reply #17 on:** Sep 13, 2005, 04:05:06 PM »

A beach instead of a Forrest? Must be Bikni season.

B E C K · « **Reply #18 on:** Sep 13, 2005, 10:39:10 PM »

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If you're using "beaches" as a metaphor, Nuri, I'm getting an even weirder mental image.

Yep, that's about right.

Faye Valentino · « **Reply #19 on:** Sep 14, 2005, 12:16:41 AM »

Never seen a shaved twat?

Bernie AKA · « **Reply #20 on:** Sep 14, 2005, 10:01:12 AM »

Yes, but I'm trying to place the palm tree & eggs. That should not be on Faye's theoretical beach. Not to mention the coke can, unless we're talking a variety of rather odd piercings.

Faye Valentino · « **Reply #21 on:** Sep 14, 2005, 12:48:12 PM »

It's better than hobos scavanging off of it.

Faye Valentine · « **Reply #22 on:** Sep 14, 2005, 02:53:02 PM »

i just got 2 aquatic turtles!!!

Bernie · « **Reply #23 on:** Sep 14, 2005, 03:49:46 PM »

Chopper Face 69 · « **Reply #24 on:** Sep 14, 2005, 09:42:46 PM »

If I had to get 1 STD I would surely want to get crabs because it's so easy to get under control. Just shampoo those suckers out and failing that just shave 'em off.

So just make sure the whore keeps it baer down there and you're all good.

Me with a crab on my genitals:

B E C K · « **Reply #25 on:** Sep 15, 2005, 08:24:15 AM »

That's gonna need a LOT of shampoo. So is that black guy watching you? And did you clean up that mess you made on the ground?

MegatronYES · « **Reply #26 on:** Sep 15, 2005, 11:17:15 AM »

Damn. Leave it to aDam to make this thread worth having.

Faye Valentino · « **Reply #27 on:** Sep 15, 2005, 11:38:04 AM »

Adam looks different in that pic than he did in that silky number we've seen countless times.

Extra Zero · « **Reply #28 on:** Sep 15, 2005, 12:38:04 PM »

Those crabs are all over Baltimore, shit there's even a Communist one on the inner harbor...

Chopper Face 69 · « **Reply #29 on:** Sep 16, 2005, 05:54:55 AM »

YEah they're all over. It's insane. I only posed with 2 though. Can only do the crabs joke so many times.

Not sure who the background guy is but I don't think he was watching me... or if he was he was probably trying to make sure his familly didn't do the same.

And there were many years between this which was last month and the lingerie picture which is probably something like 5 years old at this point. Haven't really changed all that much though. At least I don't think so.

Author Topic: Virgins sue over 40yo virgin movie (Read 10161 times)

Bernie