I've been pretty proud of myself lately, not complainging quite as much as I used to. Seriously, people actually listen to me when I talk now. It's cool. But some shitty stuff has been happening and since unlike Doug, I am not onling nearly enough to keep a weblog, and I can't discuss it with anyone but my mom at the moment, I need to vent. You are all welcome to give especially scathing remarks at the end of this if you think it'll make you feel better.
My mom and I, and maybe my sister, are moving into a dinky little one-room apartment on Thursday, because my dad lost his job and now has a sucky job that pays shit but he's still spending money like he did when he still had a good job. Mindy doesn't even know about it yet; Mom's gonna tell her and help her pack if she wants to come. Thing is, almost all the pets have to be left behind because the place we're going doesn't allow dogs and you have to pay $100 extra per uncaged pet every month. That means my momma cat who's nursing kittens and my daddy cat who has a mouth disease and can't eat solid foods, along with Mindy's dog are gonna hafta stay behind. The fish and the rats and the toads can come, but that's it. If Mindy doesn't stay behind, which she might still do, all the animals are at the mercy of my dad, who thinks that getting something done around the house means shouting until someone else does something about it. And he might not be living there very long, either - my mom couldn't keep all the bills paid on just her salary, and his is even smaller than hers.
I wasn't even getting nervous about it till today, instead packing everything away secretly and waiting for the day when I'd have to help Mom get everything out there. Now every little thing that could go wrong is just hitting me at once. I had a nightmare last night where my dad in a fit of anger drowned the cats and shot the dog and I woke up crying. I know he'd never do that, but I still can't help but panic a little. I'm still going with my mom - even though all utilities are paid, $450 a month is still a lot. Setting aside about $110 of her chell every week, plus expenses like cigarettes and gas, will leave her with next to nothing left over. So I'm getting a job to take care of stuff like groceries, and until I actually get hired, well, there's a church with a food bank and a diner that gives free meals to anyone that comes in every evening, so we won't starve. I'm still scared, but I suppose it's impossible not to be.
