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You can't say that religious conservatives haven't learned from their mistakes – and ours. Ohio House Bill 23, dubbed the "Community Defense Act of 2005," painstakingly incorporates the worst parts of just about every anti-adult ordinance that's been passed (and in many cases upheld) anywhere else in the country, as well as portions of the most adverse U.S. Supreme Court decisions affecting adult, in the past 30 years. Overall, this is a very bad bill. For one thing, it permits zoning regulation on a township-by-township basis, allowing township attorneys or their hirees to "abate [adult businesses] as a nuisance," and to thereafter sell the business' contents and apply the proceeds to their own attorney fees! (Can you say "Fifth Amendment taking"?) Ohio women who use tampons can now rest easy that they're engaging in "sexual conduct," which is now defined under Sec. 2907.01 as "vaginal intercourse between a male and female; anal intercourse, fellatio, and cunnilingus between persons regardless of sex; and, without privilege to do so, the insertion, however slight, of any part of the body or any instrument, apparatus, or other object into the vaginal or anal cavity of another. Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete vaginal or anal intercourse." Likewise, office workers will want to take care who they bump into at the water cooler, since "sexual contact" is now "any touching of an erogenous zone of another, including without limitation the thigh, genitals, buttock, pubic region, or, if the person is a female, a breast, for the purpose of sexually arousing or gratifying either person." And violators of either standard will also find that they have engaged in "sexual activity." Adult video producers who plan to relocate to Ohio should probably know that "prostitute" is defined as "a male or female who promiscuously engages in sexual activity for hire, regardless of whether the hire is paid to the prostitute or to another." (Where's Hal Freeman when you need him?)