Author Topic: XXII Olympics (Read 19640 times)

B E C K · « **on:** Jan 29, 2014, 11:43:23 PM »

Let's jump-start this shit.

1. Fuck Sochi.
2. Fuck NBC.
3. I almost want some terroristy thing to happen and that makes me feel guilty as fuck. What the fuck, me? What the fuckity fuck?
4. I think I'll only watch speed-skating this year.
5. Is there a fuckered-up-lookin' mascot this year or what? Imma gonna Google that.
6. Fuck Lolo Jones. What the fuck is she doing there?
7. Eat shit, you racist fuckin' figure skating. That was shitty shitty bitty titty to bone Mirai Nagasu like that. She deserved to go. Ugh. Screw you.

B E C K · « **Reply #1 on:** Jan 29, 2014, 11:45:08 PM »

OH. Well... whatever. That's no fun.

Rumble · « **Reply #2 on:** Jan 30, 2014, 05:04:33 PM »

If there's even going to be an Olympics.
This is what Sochi looks like right now:
http://m.imgur.com/a/0muGY

Knowing Russian workmanship I expect them to be finished building somewhere in 2043

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #3 on:** Jan 30, 2014, 10:44:26 PM »

I'd never heard of Sochi until the Olympics cropped back up like a fictional four-year locust infestation that it is 10x worse than.

Unless it is a new Kalashnikoff-style assault rifle or another blond-haired blue-eyed Aryan tennis machine, I don't give a shit about anything Russian.

B E C K · « **Reply #4 on:** Jan 30, 2014, 10:56:48 PM »

Quote from: Rumble on Jan 30, 2014, 05:04:33 PM

If there's even going to be an Olympics.
This is what Sochi looks like right now:
http://m.imgur.com/a/0muGY

Knowing Russian workmanship I expect them to be finished building somewhere in 2043

It won't show me the picture. *rages*

What would be awesome though... Sochi Olympics hosted by Dolph Lundgren but as Ivan Drago. And he's wearing one of those giant furry hats. That would be the shit.

The D · « **Reply #5 on:** Feb 07, 2014, 03:19:12 PM »

From what I hear, the Olympics are going to be a blast.

The D · « **Reply #6 on:** Feb 07, 2014, 03:24:15 PM »

Those mascots are stupid. And freakish.

The white hare I can get, and... I guess that's a polar bear... yea, those live in Northern Russia. But a leopard? Those don't even exist in Russia!

The mascots should have been grizzly bears. On unicycles. with little hats.

B E C K · « **Reply #7 on:** Feb 08, 2014, 06:57:31 PM »

Merla got up early today to watch some Olympics. None were broadcasting. Fail.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #8 on:** Feb 08, 2014, 10:33:41 PM »

I don't see how people can watch this shit. Luckily there is nothing on that they can interrupt that will matter. Which I imagine is why they air on NBC....

Let me know when American football becomes an Olympic sport. I might watch just to see how the commie countries mutate their athletes to more freakish proportions.

Rumble · « **Reply #9 on:** Feb 09, 2014, 04:18:52 PM »

And that's how it's done

B E C K · « **Reply #10 on:** Feb 10, 2014, 10:47:33 PM »

For what event?

And, again, fuck NBC. Their coverage is getting shittier and shittier with every Olympics. Merla and I recall in past Olympics, events would be on nearly the entire day and you could watch until the wee hours of the morning. Now... there's about a couple of hours of coverage in the morning and an hour in the afternoon before the primetime coverage, and the majority of this shit is "canned"/"packaged" whatever you call it. Where it's mostly interviews, background shit, leaves out most of the events and tries to make everything as American-centric as possible. Which is gross. Never mind the online coverage. Which is also gross. Because it's like nil. Vancouver had it's restrictions, London was pretty damn crappy, and Sochi just sucks. NBC should just sell/rent some of the coverage rights to other stations if they want to be some damn stingy. I think someone at NBC secretly hates the Olympics and just wants to ruin it for the rest of us Americans.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #11 on:** Feb 11, 2014, 06:58:30 PM »

Bob Costas got pink eye and couldn't host today.

Sorry, but that's just funny to me. He's a real pinko now.

B E C K · « **Reply #12 on:** Feb 12, 2014, 01:58:41 AM »

I was just saying he needed to be replaced. As a joke. Because if he were a woman, people would've been all "ugh, she's getting old, she's no longer young and firm" and replaced her. But not by Matt Lauer.... MEH. Apolo Ono. It was Apolo Ono in my dream dammit.

B E C K · « **Reply #13 on:** Feb 12, 2014, 01:59:16 AM »

Also Shaun White today. I lol'ed. Take that, prick.

The D · « **Reply #14 on:** Feb 12, 2014, 07:51:36 PM »

I found out the Leopard mascot is actually supposed to be a snow leopard, which it doesn't look like in the stamp above. Snow leopards are in a tiny part of mountains in south Siberia.
Still think the mascot needed to be bears with fezzes on unicycles.

This thread needs more Yakov Smirnoff jokes.

Quote from: B E C K on Feb 10, 2014, 10:47:33 PM

And, again, fuck NBC. Their coverage is getting shittier and shittier with every Olympics.

But of course. There seems to be more interviews and boring shit during the evening coverage. I had to sit there and watch that one black guy who's taking over for Costas actually DANCING for a few minutes with two American competitors. Really?

During the midday, though, they sometimes show entire events. I turned on the tv and ended up watching the entirety of men's Biathalon, which is basically cross-country skiing with guns. Only reason I watched was because I cross-country ski, and there were guns. Sadly, they didn't use the guns (.22 rifles) on each other, but on targets. They'd ski this large loop with the shooting range on the end of the loop with the bleachers, and they'd have 5 bullets to hit 5 targets and if they missed they did a penalty loop on a small loop behind the range. The announcers tried to make it way more exciting than it was by flipping their shit if anyone missed a shot. "OH MY GOD HE MISSED NOW HE'LL MOVE FROM 15TH TO 20TH PLACE!!!"

Quote from: Rodent of Unusual Size on Feb 11, 2014, 06:58:30 PM

Bob Costas got pink eye and couldn't host today.

This may seem horrible but....

<-- when in the hell did we get this smiley?

I hate Costas. He's been doing so many olympics I've gotten painfully sick of seeing him. But he seems to have a monopoly on the games like NBC has a monopoly broadcasting them for the next 200 years. Yay monopolies.

Quote from: Rodent of Unusual Size on Feb 08, 2014, 10:33:41 PM

I don't see how people can watch this shit.

This coming from someone who lives in a state that gets very little, if any snow (ignoring this current winter).

I actually find the Winter Olympics more enjoyable than the summer because there's more sports I actually give a crap about. Skiing (except ski jump) because I actually ski (and own skis), Freestyle skiing and snowboarding because those awesome tricks they do, Figure skating because some of the older women in that have some nice legs, and Bobsledding (and to a lesser extent luge and skeleton) because sliding down a track at 90mph looks like fun shit.

As for the ones I don't like: Ice Hockey... bleh. Curling.... drunken Canadians throwing rocks. Short track and speed skating... the sport of sniffing ass.

The D · « **Reply #15 on:** Feb 12, 2014, 08:03:53 PM »

Quote from: B E C K on Jan 29, 2014, 11:43:23 PM

3. I almost want some terroristy thing to happen and that makes me feel guilty as fuck. What the fuck, me? What the fuckity fuck?

I just noticed this. I fully expected there to be some kind of boom at the opening ceremonies and almost wanted to tune in to see if it happened live until I remembered that the broadcast was delayed and if something happened they wouldn't show it. Too bad, I'd love to see chunks of Putin get blown all over the athletes.

I caught the opening ceremonies, ironically, right as the US team was starting to walk into the stadium. When the Ukraine team came on Putin looked shifty eyed but still had that tight-lipped poker face look he has ALL THE TIME. Also, ceremonies kinda sucked. Nice job glossing over the Stalin regime, guys.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #16 on:** Feb 12, 2014, 08:53:02 PM »

Quote from: The D on Feb 12, 2014, 07:51:36 PM

Quote from: Rodent of Unusual Size on Feb 08, 2014, 10:33:41 PM
I don't see how people can watch this shit.
This coming from someone who lives in a state that gets very little, if any snow (ignoring this current winter).

I hate snow. That's one of the surprisingly many benefits of living in the land of my fathers. And I hate global warming for dumping so much of that white shit here this year.

But anyway: I hate the Olympics no matter the season.

Rumble · « **Reply #17 on:** Feb 13, 2014, 12:22:05 PM »

Quote from: B E C K on Feb 10, 2014, 10:47:33 PM

For what event?

Skating, 5000m men, gold, silver and bronze
We got gold for 5000m women as well (and a shitload of other medals, Holland is kicking some serious ass these Olympics)

B E C K · « **Reply #18 on:** Feb 13, 2014, 10:26:04 PM »

I'm sad I haven't seen Apolo Ohno. Yeah, he's not competing, but he's pulling commentator duty. Hell, I saw him more in the Summer Olympics broadcast.

Also, an American mens figure skater took a hell of a tumble today. Waiting for someone to gif that.

B E C K · « **Reply #19 on:** Feb 18, 2014, 09:01:00 AM »

The only person grossier than alpine skiing's Bode "wants the baby aborted and then whines for custody after his wife miscarries and renames the kid after his dead brother" Mucker is his loud-mouth wife and her claptrap. Shut up, ho. I want to slap whoever mic'd this bitch up. And of all the people to get a medal it wouldn't be Shani Davis or Lindsay Jacobellis or even Fay Gulini but this fucker. Bleh.

And the chick who silvered in Ice Dancing looks like K-Stew.

B E C K · « **Reply #20 on:** Feb 18, 2014, 09:02:08 AM »

Oh and the Jamaican bobsled team. Comes in last and still the most loved bobsled team in the world. Not even being sarcastic. I love them, too.

The D · « **Reply #21 on:** Feb 18, 2014, 08:43:39 PM »

Well I'm an idiot. I forget I like to reference this video during the olympics.

Quote from: B E C K on Feb 18, 2014, 09:02:08 AM

Oh and the Jamaican bobsled team. Comes in last and still the most loved bobsled team in the world. Not even being sarcastic. I love them, too.

I kept thinking they should have had the bobsled team launching in slow mo, with dramatic shots, with chariots of fire theme playing in the background. And then they crash in the first turn.

Even better would be if they actually won gold against all odds. I bet Costas' head would explode on live TV if that would happen, and it would be worth it. I may root for the US most of the time, but during bobsled my cheers go for the Jamaicans, mon!

I watched the pairs figure skating last night. Get this, half the US skating team, including Meryl and Charlie, are from the Detroit suburbs. And the Canadian team that got silver not only had the same coach as Meryl&Charlie, but they trained at the same ice rink in the Detroit suburb of Canton, which is about 20 minutes from where I live.

Also, I think Meryl Davis is mostly sexy, but there's just something about the face that's completely off. I don't know if it's the huge Jewish-looking nose, or the narrow eyes, or the huge mouth... meh. That's what paper bags are for.

Rumble · « **Reply #22 on:** Feb 19, 2014, 09:43:18 AM »

22 medals for the Netherlands so far, this is one of our best Olympics ever

But then again, this also happened

*shivers*

B E C K · « **Reply #23 on:** Feb 19, 2014, 04:33:46 PM »

Oh God. Putin just looks like pure evil. He's as Palpatiney as the Nazi Pope. Looking at his twisted little smile is just... eugh....

lol D. Yeah, Merla and I were talking about Meryl's face. She's actually not ugly if you really look at her. With her in full makeup, she really looks like a cartoon come to life. The features and their proportions are so exaggerated. I hope she never gets any type of surgery. Rock that freaky face, girlfriend.

B E C K · « **Reply #24 on:** Feb 19, 2014, 04:36:42 PM »

Oh, yeah, and I saw the snowboarding last night. One of our wax-boys who waxed the boards for Team USA at the previous Olympics won a medal. Like a bronze or something. That was awesome.

The D · « **Reply #25 on:** Feb 24, 2014, 07:44:44 PM »

Putin: "Now that Russia Olympics over, I can let loose. Begin invasion of Terrorist Ukrainian State with our Glorious Russian People's Army."

I noticed that during figure skating free dance they had this former male figure skater who was so flamboyant he practically shits rainbows.

And speaking of skating, the morning show I listen to has been poking fun at Gracie Gold. Apparently she sounds completely like a valley girl when she speaks.

And while watching the last Slalom course I noticed half the skiiers fell down or crashed halfway through the course, and they still let people medal in it, even though the course itself was apparently flawed and fucked to all hell. Glorious Russian engineering, I'm sure. The course was probably too warm... Sochi averages 40-50 degree weather apparently. Should have held the Olympics in Michigan, we've been in the 20s most of the season.
http://sports.yahoo.com/news/ted-ligety-criticizes-olympic-slalom-course-setup-after-failed-run-erases-medal-opportunity-194411450.html
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/olympics/austria-matt-survives-blooper-reel-slalom-win-gold-article-1.1698459

Now that the Olympics are over it's time to turn our attention to other things... like the upcoming Paralympics... that will not be broadcast on any station whatsoever.

The D · « **Reply #26 on:** Feb 24, 2014, 07:46:51 PM »

Also, I'm glad I won't have to sit through all those shitty commercials anymore.

All those damn commercials for NBC comedies which will probably suck.

And that commercial for McDonalds that showed people biting into chicken nuggets awkwardly and in slow mo as if to symbolize that people would bite their nuggets like medal winners bite their medals.

There were probably more but I'm trying to forget.

B E C K · « **Reply #27 on:** Feb 24, 2014, 11:48:58 PM »

I was telling Merla that Gracie Gold needs some sort of voice/diction coach or something. Every other sentence out of her mouth ended on a high inflection like she was asking a question.

Speed skating was total dick for the US this go around. The only people who did shittier were South Korea. Phmpff.

B E C K · « **Reply #28 on:** Feb 24, 2014, 11:54:30 PM »

Oh my God and that Nancy/Tonya shit. I never liked Nancy Kerrigan. What a stuck-up ice queen. And I admit, I used to love Tonya's energetic skating. But man, Tonya Harding's a fucking sociopath. Mucho serio. She's so fucking guilty you can smell it through the television screen. Hey, you wanna cap some rival's knees? At least tear up your fucking notes. But yeah... everything to her non-apology, her shitty excuses, comparing her skating to Oksana Bauil's. What a nutter.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #29 on:** Feb 26, 2014, 08:55:55 PM »

I guess television can finally start showing new stuff now that this garbage is over and done with.