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Author Topic: Go Directly to Jail  (Read 15393 times)

The D

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« on: Mar 07, 2005, 04:59:57 PM »
Freedom! *humps the ground*

I was arrained today. I voluntarily turned myself in, and they handcuffed me and put me in a jail cell. They had me strip down to nothing, did a quick patdown, and then gave me a orange jumpsuit that went great with my brown eyes.

The cell wasn't barred. It was a series of concrete rooms with giant steel doors on rails, and shatterproof windows. The toilet was in a corner behind a brick wall. There were stone benches to sit or sleep on. The guys there seemed relatively friendly, talking and laughing and stuff. I had to eat lunch there.. two slices of dry bread, two cold hot dogs, some shitty beans, an apple, and some crappy cold french fries. It's too bad Martha Stewart wasn't there, she needed to work on the decor and menu.

About midday they had my arrainment hearing. At first my attorney didn't show up because the trial was early and they slapped me with a $7500 full bond. Then he showed up and they gave me a 10% bond. The charges are what scared me the most... they're charging me with First Degree Criminal Sexual Conduct, which is basically unconsensual sex with penetration.. or in other words rape. And it carries a maximum sentence of life in prison.

That's bullshit. I'm too scrawny and weak to be a rapist. And I'd never force myself on anyone.

Oh, well, I could afford $750, and was about to pay it when I found out my father had bailed me out. Seems there's some hostility between the accuser's family and mine, and my family's about to start a feudin.

But I had to spend an entire day in a cell, which wasn't that fun... I hope I don't have to stay in another.  :angry:  
I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

Modern anime is a stagnant cesspool of regurgitated ideas.

TM2 Rampage

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« Reply #1 on: Mar 07, 2005, 05:07:52 PM »
... This thread makes me sad and angry. The way you were treated and the way you responded I mean.
« Last Edit: Mar 07, 2005, 05:09:10 PM by TM2 Rampage »

gwynn

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« Reply #2 on: Mar 07, 2005, 06:12:23 PM »
Did the girl say she didnt consent?
That scrawny line would work well in court, use that.

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« Reply #3 on: Mar 07, 2005, 08:49:08 PM »
Get the family members to testify the mom is a douche.

The D

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« Reply #4 on: Mar 07, 2005, 09:21:08 PM »
They probably will.

It was funny, the first cell I was held in was with a bunch of black dudes in for not paying child support, and the one wouldn't stop talking about chicken wings.  :lol:  
I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

Modern anime is a stagnant cesspool of regurgitated ideas.

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« Reply #5 on: Mar 07, 2005, 10:16:37 PM »
Be with your black brothers!

B E C K

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« Reply #6 on: Mar 08, 2005, 12:20:43 AM »
What's a Peodphile?  And Jesus Christ, a jail cell.  I can't even imagine.

B E C K

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« Reply #7 on: Mar 08, 2005, 12:21:17 AM »
And I'd be careful with the ground.  You don't need another charge there.

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« Reply #8 on: Mar 08, 2005, 03:20:51 AM »
Word.
-Remember teens, smoking makes pregnant women look cool!-

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« Reply #9 on: Mar 08, 2005, 08:39:56 AM »
Quote
What's a Peodphile?  And Jesus Christ, a jail cell.  I can't even imagine.
pedophile are the guys who have sex with children and/or like child pr0n. bad.

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« Reply #10 on: Mar 08, 2005, 10:13:07 AM »
:D

Oh well, D.  Just bear this in mind fifty years from now when you're telling your grandkids about how you got cornholed by some tossed salad man in the county lockup.
Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

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« Reply #11 on: Mar 08, 2005, 12:38:50 PM »
Don't forget the eight stiches he needed after the shower incident.
-Remember teens, smoking makes pregnant women look cool!-

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« Reply #12 on: Mar 08, 2005, 01:40:55 PM »
Quote
Get the family members to testify the mom is a douche.
Since the girl is under sixteen, what she says doesn't matter. Automatically illegal.

Yeah. Seriously.

if she was sixteen or seventeen,  the same shti would have happened because the girl's guardians have to press charges directly inoder for the state to do so.

 
Call me..... the Tide Hunter

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« Reply #13 on: Mar 08, 2005, 02:56:09 PM »
Actually, at seventeen, they tend to drop all or most of that.  Back when my sister lied about all that shit, we came to that realization.
-Remember teens, smoking makes pregnant women look cool!-

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« Reply #14 on: Mar 08, 2005, 07:33:12 PM »
I call D's entertainment system!

I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be right.

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« Reply #15 on: Mar 08, 2005, 09:05:30 PM »
That'll probably go to some thirteen year old girl.
-Remember teens, smoking makes pregnant women look cool!-

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« Reply #16 on: Mar 08, 2005, 11:34:48 PM »
Quote
Quote
What's a Peodphile?  And Jesus Christ, a jail cell.  I can't even imagine.
pedophile are the guys who have sex with children and/or like child pr0n. bad.
Yes, now what's a peodphile?   :D  

B E C K

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« Reply #17 on: Mar 08, 2005, 11:37:52 PM »
...

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« Reply #18 on: Mar 09, 2005, 01:00:52 AM »
Old news!
-Remember teens, smoking makes pregnant women look cool!-

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« Reply #19 on: Mar 09, 2005, 08:04:03 AM »
peodiphile is how Pedophiles spell "Pedophile" because they think it makes them all cool and stuff. Yo.

I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be right.

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« Reply #20 on: Mar 09, 2005, 08:30:16 AM »
Quote
Quote
Quote
What's a Peodphile?  And Jesus Christ, a jail cell.  I can't even imagine.
pedophile are the guys who have sex with children and/or like child pr0n. bad.
Yes, now what's a peodphile?   :D
oo hehe sorry i didnt notice that mistake

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« Reply #21 on: Mar 09, 2005, 01:21:13 PM »
I wonder if Doug will try and act like he's from the streets in prison...
-Remember teens, smoking makes pregnant women look cool!-

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« Reply #22 on: Mar 10, 2005, 12:59:38 AM »
Memorize the Fresh Prince theme.  They'll love it.

joe

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« Reply #23 on: Mar 10, 2005, 01:06:52 AM »
I don't remember ever actively committing the song to memory. I just woke up one morning... and I knew it!
« Last Edit: Mar 10, 2005, 10:35:28 AM by joerammstein »

Wickedly Yours E

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« Reply #24 on: Mar 10, 2005, 09:12:56 AM »
my Brother knows that song by heart. I hate it.

I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be right.

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« Reply #25 on: Mar 10, 2005, 09:28:32 AM »
i know it in spanish:-D

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« Reply #26 on: Mar 10, 2005, 10:39:09 AM »
There's an extra verse where he's on a plane, I think it may have only been in a couple of episodes. I'm not familiar with that verse. <_<

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« Reply #27 on: Mar 10, 2005, 11:00:19 AM »
Damn!  B)  Everyone forgot the plane verse!
Call me..... the Tide Hunter

The D

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« Reply #28 on: Mar 10, 2005, 12:54:30 PM »
Now this is the story all about how,
My life got flipped, turned upside down,
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there,
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air.

In West Philadelphia I was born and raised
On the playground is where I spent most of my days.
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin all cool,
And all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school.

When a couple of guys who were up to no good,
Started makin' trouble in my neighborhood.
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared,
And said "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air."

I begged and pleaded with her the other day
But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
She gave me a kissin’ and she gave me my ticket
I put my walkman on and said I might as well kick it

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass
Is this what the people of bel-air livin’ like?
Hmm this might be alright!

I whistled for a cab, and when it came near,
The license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror.
If anything I could say that this cat was rare,
But I thought "Nah forget it, Yo home to Bel Air."

I pulled up to the house about seven or eight,
and I yelled to the cabby "Yo homes, smell ya later."
Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there,
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.  
I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

Modern anime is a stagnant cesspool of regurgitated ideas.

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« Reply #29 on: Mar 10, 2005, 12:56:38 PM »
And who would have thought that Will Smith would make it big in Hollywood?