Turtles Forever

[B E C K]

"But he HAS to be the father!  He has to be!"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm a 110% sure, Maury!"
"He says he's not."
"He IS!  Look at my baby!  He has his nose!  He has his nose!"
"The nose is kind of small.  And he is just a baby--"
"Nu-uh, that's his daddy's nose!"
"And there's no one else?"
"No one else!"

*45 minutes later after cycling through several similar stories, we finally open envelopes*

"And he is not the father."
"NOOOO!!"
Man: "I told you!  I told YOU!  Yes!" *high fives other possible daddy*
*Other possible daddy does Bruce Willis jig from The Last Boyscout*
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *runs backstage*
*Maury follows her.*  "We'll find the father.  We'll help you.  Is there anyone else?"
"......  Yes."

*two episodes later, daddy still not found*

This snippet of The Maury Povich Show has been brought to you by Crest with Whitestrips.

[Fiero]

WHITESTRIPS CAUSE DEATH

[Derrick]

AH!!!!!

Shit, really?

[B E C K]

WHITESTRIPS CAUSE DEATH

Then I must be Bruce Willis.

[Fiero]

No.

[B E C K]

Yippee-Kay-Yay, Motherfucker Mr. Falcon!

[Derrick]

I love the shitty TV edits. I love how they completely omit scenes from Pulp fiction, including Marvin's brains being splattered all over the back of Jules' car, and 'dead Nigger storage'.

[Rama]

I love how the blur the dicks on the roman statues in Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[Faye Valentine]

"But he HAS to be the father!  He has to be!"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm a 110% sure, Maury!"
"He says he's not."
"He IS!  Look at my baby!  He has his nose!  He has his nose!"
"The nose is kind of small.  And he is just a baby--"
"Nu-uh, that's his daddy's nose!"
"And there's no one else?"
"No one else!"

*45 minutes later after cycling through several similar stories, we finally open envelopes*

"And he is not the father."
"NOOOO!!"
Man: "I told you!  I told YOU!  Yes!" *high fives other possible daddy*
*Other possible daddy does Bruce Willis jig from The Last Boyscout*
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *runs backstage*
*Maury follows her.*  "We'll find the father.  We'll help you.  Is there anyone else?"
"......  Yes."

*two episodes later, daddy still not found*

This snippet of The Maury Povich Show has been brought to you by Crest with Whitestrips.

LOL thats exactly how it goes! I laugh everytime these bitches go running out of stage crying their eyes out like they are the poor victims. PFT yeah, poor THEIR children that will have to endure forever that their whorish mothers were in national tv cause they couldn't keep their legs shut in front of more than one guy!

[B E C K]

Multiple appearances on Maury should be grounds to have social services declare the mothers (and fathers depending on the circumstances) unfit.

[Rodent of Unusual Size]

It reminds me of a Benny Hill skit.

"Oh, your baby is adorable. He has your husband's nose!"
"Yes, but he has his father's eyes."
*all said in earshot of the husband*

[Fiero]

Ha, Benny Hill was funny, but all I seem to remember is breasts and Yakitty Sax.