Here's a movie not worth paying for: The new Mummy flick. One of worst movies of the year. I nearly yelled "this blows" in the theater. If I had gone to see it on my own, I would've walked out. Actually, it's not even worth not paying for.
Too much useless exposition and many scenes drag out and play themselves predictably.
Luke Ford is an absolutely loathsome, hateable cliche full of bad, easily recitable, preachy-ass dialogue whose too old to even be the O'Connell's son in the first place.
This movie couldn't decide what the hell it wanted to be or who the hell it wanted to be about-- we are introduced to a vast handful of characters (a dead Chinese general, a live Chinese general, an Asian Eva Braun, a fat old professor, a drunk old pilot, two good Chinese chicks) that eat up lines and screen time but could've easily been either written out completely or combined with each other or other characters. Is this movie about the retired (WTF!) Rick and Evey realizing that the romance has died and they should come out of retirement by going on one more great adventure? Is this movie about Alex "Me so horny, love you long time" O'Connell and his penis having their own mummy escapade and coming into their own? Is this movie about the parent O'Connells coming to terms with the fact that Alex isn't their little boy any more and learning to let go despite the glaring fact that Alex has been out of the nest for numerous fucking years? Who the fuck knows!
The action scenes were cheesy and over the top and I expected that from a Mummy movie. However, aside from Michelle Yeoh and Jet Li's fight scene (and should you be unfortunate or masochistic enough to see this movie, you're scratching your head and wondering why the fuck Michelle Yeoh-- after what happens to her character-- would be STUPID enough to fight Jet Li), all of the hand-to-hand, martial-arty fight scenes were just plain bad. They should've stuck to guns and blunt objects. Like many films, the scenes were tightly cropped and either sped up or slowed down to the point it hurt your eyes to look at it. If you can't film martial arts, don't put it in the film. The final fuck you at the end of the film:
Johnathan sourly decides
Another "fuck you" moment. Jet Li has powet over the five elements AND can change shape into "hideous monsters" (which made me laugh: all we have to worry about is that the they're ugly?) but the two male O'Connells (because we knew the women wouldn't get to defeat Jet Li) defeat him
Finally, I was also irritated that the cute Asian girl
The CG on Jet Li's mummy was more or less decent for the majority of the film, but was I supposed to be impressed with those Yeti? Is that why we kept getting fucking close-ups of them yelling? I have a feeling they were originally cooler and uglier, but some douche in a suit decided they needed to be cuter or some shit.
