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Author Topic: Fuck a Companion Cube  (Read 7103 times)

The D

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Fuck a Companion Cube
« on: Feb 07, 2008, 12:45:07 AM »
So I finished Portal. It's a pretty fun game.

The idea is you can use this gun to make two portals, a blue one and an orange one, and the portals connect to each other. So you can walk through one and come out the other. And you have to use these portals to move objects around, or get from one area to another in order to solve the puzzles of each level.

The game plays out like a long version of those Tutuorial Levels that many games have, except this one has a psycho AI that lies to you and messes with your mind.

Fun. A tad easy. A little too short. But cool.

And then you have the Companion Cube.


^ Video

It's a fucking cargo container. An inanimate object. Yet everyone on the interbutts is going emo over the fact that in the level you get it, you later have to throw it (and yourself if you're that emo) into an incenerator.

I smiled when I threw mine in the furnace.

Anyway, the Friendly Turrents were cuter. At least they apologized when they shot you with Friendly Bullets, and they were forgiving and polite when you knocked them over and destroyed them.
I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

Modern anime is a stagnant cesspool of regurgitated ideas.

Wickedly Yours E

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #1 on: Feb 07, 2008, 08:16:09 AM »
The companion cube was my friend.

I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be right.

IDE

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #2 on: Feb 07, 2008, 03:23:26 PM »
I didn't buy orange box just TF2.  So I don't have portal. I could probably find a portal torrent though.

The D

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #3 on: Feb 07, 2008, 10:29:09 PM »
The companion cube was my friend.

The Companion Cube was a tool for me to exploit, just like all my friends...   :ph34r:
I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

Modern anime is a stagnant cesspool of regurgitated ideas.

Wickedly Yours E

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #4 on: Feb 08, 2008, 08:28:24 AM »
The Companion Cube was my friend through all the bad times! He took those plasma ball shots for me, he stepped on the buttons for me....he was the truest friend I've ever known, and god help me, if I could be half the companion cube he was, I'd be a better man. Then I burned my cube alive. I'm a monster.

I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be right.

Rama

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #5 on: Feb 08, 2008, 03:17:04 PM »
The companion cube was my friend.

The Companion Cube was a tool for me to exploit, just like all my friends...   :ph34r:

You have those?

Faye Valentine

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #6 on: Feb 09, 2008, 09:50:16 PM »
what the FUCK is this companion cube thing? are these people stupid?!?! who the fuck cares about a cube?

Wickedly Yours E

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #7 on: Feb 10, 2008, 09:55:54 PM »
You wouldn't understand! The Cube helped me!! It was my friend!

I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be right.

The D

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #8 on: Feb 11, 2008, 10:26:33 AM »
E, there's plenty of therapists and drugs to help you out with your Cube obsession.


(BTW, there's a way to keep your cube if you use cheats... like noclip and the cheat to make portals on any surface... google, gamefaqs, and youtube are your friends)


Also, Team Fortress 2 is awesome.
I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

Modern anime is a stagnant cesspool of regurgitated ideas.

Wickedly Yours E

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #9 on: Feb 11, 2008, 04:10:27 PM »
...Cheats you say? For 360?

I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be right.

The D

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #10 on: Feb 11, 2008, 11:52:22 PM »
I hear there's also cheats for 360, but I don't know.

I know I had my cube until the end.
I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

Modern anime is a stagnant cesspool of regurgitated ideas.

B E C K

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #11 on: Feb 12, 2008, 10:22:43 PM »
I have no idea wtf you guys are talking about.  Just saying.

Faye Valentine

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #12 on: Feb 12, 2008, 10:44:48 PM »
That damn cube with a heart in it. Who would care about keeping it??

The D

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #13 on: Feb 12, 2008, 10:49:47 PM »
I don't. I just wanted to see if I could keep it for the entire game or not.

It's everyone else going crazy over the stupid thing. It's a big block with hearts on it.
I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

Modern anime is a stagnant cesspool of regurgitated ideas.

Faye Valentine

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #14 on: Feb 12, 2008, 11:18:57 PM »
By everyone I'm sure you mean "all those losers that dont have anything else to do than fall in love with a cube"

Shipley

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #15 on: Feb 14, 2008, 11:07:40 AM »
if you don't get it, its because you haven't played the game.  The voice that guides you starts fucking with your head telling you things about the cube, like it might be more than a simple inanimate object.

Its at the point where you're most sure its going to do something that you're asked to destroy it.

Rama

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #16 on: Feb 15, 2008, 12:24:16 AM »
Does said Cube have a love hole in it? Cause it's not much of a Companion if it doesn't.

Wickedly Yours E

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #17 on: Feb 15, 2008, 09:58:16 AM »
We'll never know.

I don't want it to be easy, I want it to be right.

Derrick

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #18 on: Feb 15, 2008, 10:10:51 AM »
I said its hot outside let me go swimming in your eyes;
We been running for awhile. Why don't you lay dow, I'll make you smile.
I could never ask for nothing better than this;
It's just tequila and the beach, it's quite salty when we kiss.

Faye Valentine

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #19 on: Feb 15, 2008, 04:26:52 PM »
if you don't get it, its because you haven't played the game.  The voice that guides you starts fucking with your head telling you things about the cube, like it might be more than a simple inanimate object.

oo cooomee OOON. how can a voice in a game "fuck with your head"? that's just silly :-p

tomduo

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #20 on: Feb 16, 2008, 08:49:03 PM »
They're not used to hearing female voices who aren't their moms.
I can kill a small child with only a lick.

IDE

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #21 on: Feb 16, 2008, 09:06:17 PM »
Glados has a female voice?

Firebird1

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #22 on: Feb 17, 2008, 12:57:10 PM »
If the companion cube speaks it would probably ask to be put down somewhere safe, and to give it $50.

And take it out to dinner...

And visit its parents...

And it would help you pick out a new set of clothes....

On second thought why the hell does everyone like this cube anyways?
 

B E C K

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #23 on: Feb 18, 2008, 06:15:26 PM »
Is there a conveniently shaped hole anywhere on its person?

IDE

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #24 on: Feb 18, 2008, 06:19:27 PM »
Rama already made that crack about 6 or 7 posts ago.

B E C K

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #25 on: Feb 18, 2008, 06:25:49 PM »
But did anyone answer the question?

Shipley

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #26 on: Feb 19, 2008, 11:31:03 AM »
oo cooomee OOON. how can a voice in a game "fuck with your head"? that's just silly :-p


You play a puzzle that takes about 5-10 minutes to complete, and requires some 4th dimensional thinking and split second timing.  All the while this distracting mechanical female voice...
Quote

    * "This weighted companion cube will accompany you through the test chamber. Please take care of it."
    * "The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Center testing are superstition, perceiving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. The Enrichment Center reminds you that the weighted companion cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak."
    * "The Enrichment Center reminds you that the weighted companion cube cannot speak. In the event that the weighted companion cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice."
    * "You did it! The weighted companion cube certainly brought you good luck. However, it cannot accompany you for the rest of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanized."
    * "Rest assured that an independent panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment Center, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects for all moral responsibility for the companion cube euthanizing process."
    * "While it has been a faithful companion, your companion cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you."
    * "Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, 8 out of 10 Aperture Science engineers believe that the companion cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain."
    * "The companion cube cannot remain through the testing. State and local statutory regulations prohibit it from simply remaining here, alone and companionless. You must euthanize it."
    * "You euthanised your faithful companion cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations."

Shipley

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #27 on: Feb 19, 2008, 11:33:19 AM »
Is there a conveniently shaped hole anywhere on its person?
No there is not.  The silent protagonist of Portal is female.

B E C K

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #28 on: Feb 19, 2008, 06:39:04 PM »



























































Strap-on?

Derrick

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Re: Fuck a Companion Cube
« Reply #29 on: Feb 19, 2008, 07:07:41 PM »
Is there a conveniently shaped hole anywhere on its person?
No there is not.  The silent protagonist of Portal is female.

The flash one I posted has a dude. I wonder if a gay guy would go into a very tight room, and rape himself...
I said its hot outside let me go swimming in your eyes;
We been running for awhile. Why don't you lay dow, I'll make you smile.
I could never ask for nothing better than this;
It's just tequila and the beach, it's quite salty when we kiss.