Nuri's Greatest Hits

[B E C K]

In, uh, celebration I guess, of finally leaving my college textbookstore job-- two days left-- I decided to make a Greatest Hits list of common whines and excuses at the bookstore.  It'll be nothing I'll miss:

Them -- [purchasing book]
Me -- Is this your chell?
Them -- Yes.
NOTE:  It turns out to be daddy/mommy/boyfriend/spouse with completely different name's chell.

Them -- [inquiries about book order]
Me -- Well we had such and such problem/order was ready.  We tried calling the number/e-maling you at address you gave us about it.
Them -- Oh, I never answer that phone/chell my e-mail.

Them -- [returning item with wrapping torn open]  PARAPHRASE:  I know the packaging said "no returns if opened" but I'm here fully expentant of getting my complete refund back.

Them -- What are the prices/policy of [insert name of competition]?
Me -- I don't know, I work here.

Me -- [over phone]  I'm sorry, we don't give prices over the phone.
Them -- [bitches]  What's the phone number of [competition]?

Them -- [selling back textbook]
Me -- This is water-damaged/there's a page torn/there's no CD.
Them -- (whine)  I bought it that way.
Me -- I'm sorry, we won't buy it like this.
Them -- But I bought it that way!  waah waah waah....
NOTE:  Other employees have actually had books thrown at them.

Them -- [selling back workbook]
Me -- There's pen marks in this workbook.  We can't buy this back.
Them -- WHYYYY?
Me -- Uh, how is another student suppose to use this?

Them -- You won't buy it back?  Not fair.  [Insert bitching and moaning]
NOTE:  One she-wolf actually crowed that she had "spent all of this money on textbooks and got nothing in return".  Guess education doesn't count.

[Hordes of students come in for scantrons at once]
Clueless stragglers -- Where are the scantrons?

Them -- What scantron do they use for blah blah class?
NOTE:  There's hundreds of classes here.  I'm not gonna know information for one class.

Them -- [selling back textbook]
Me --  We're not buying this back.
Them --  What do you mean?
NOTE:  Not "why" but "what do you mean"?  This is asked as a serious query.

Them -- Will you hold this book for me?  ("Hold" as in for later purchase)
Me -- We don't hold books here.
Them -- (whine)  Please!!!  (excuse)
Me -- *sigh* Okay.
NOTE:  They never return.

Me -- [processing return]  Didn't you just buy this two minutes ago?
Them -- Oh I went to [competition] and got it cheaper.
NOTE:  Several of these people end up holding up the line at the begining of semester.

Them -- [returning book for refund]  I came to return this without a receipt.
Me -- I need a receipt.
Them -- WHYYYY?!

Them -- I need a book for a class.
Me -- What class is this?
Them -- [Insert common subject]
Me -- Can I have book title/class number/instructor/any useful information?
Them -- I don't know.

Me -- We don't have [insert book] in stock.
Them -- (panic) WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?

Them -- I have a [insert organization here] voucher to pay for my books.
Me -- I can't find you in the computer.  Have you been put into the system for THIS semester?
Them -- [Insert long-winded story about completely different semester].

Them -- [after credit card refund has been processed]  When should I expect to see my money appear in my account?
Me -- That's determined by your bank.
Them -- [insert snarky remark of disbelief]

Some favorites:

Them -- I'm looking for this book for my reading class.  [pulls out syllabus and reads title]  "Reading Across Disciples".
NOTE:  It's "disciplines".

Them -- (purchasing book)
Me -- Is this your chell?
Them -- Yes.
NOTE:  Turns out to be husband with completely different name's chell.
Me --  I can't accept this.  I asked if it was your chell--
Them -- It's my HUSBAND'S!  We're the same person!
Me -- O__o

[Wickedly Yours E]

[Hordes of students come in for scantrons at once]
Clueless stragglers -- Where are the scantrons?


I FUCKING CAN'T STAND THIS FUCKING QUESTION. JESUS CHRIST! We have a DRINKING GAME AT WORK FOR THIS.
We have this HUGE GOLD SIGN RIGHT ABOVE THE SCANTRONS. THEN THERE'S A BLUE SIGN WITH WHITE and BLACK lettering Pointing STRAIGHT fucking DOWN at the Scantrons in questions, and it NEVER. FUCKING. FAILS.
"Where's the Scantrons?"
What I say: "Right there."
What I'm thinking: "YOU RETARDED LITTLE FUCKER! Can't you take FIVE god DAMN minutes to look around? It's RIGHT. Fucking. THERE! Look! Look at the gold sign you cock chumping monkey brained STOOGE! It's LONGER THAN MY ARM!"

I go into work at 9:00. If I actually played the Scantron drinking game I'd be drunk by 10:30.

I identify with your pain, Nuri. I always tell them "Hey. I don't make the Prices/make the sell back prices, I just put the books up." BUT!
I did have one good customer. I helped him and he gave me a Philipino sweet roll with cheese. It was really good.

[Rama]

And here I was looking forward to "Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay."  

[Chopper Face 69]

What's a Scantron?  Besides and acronym of Scranton I mean...

[Wickedly Yours E]

It's like a piece of paper with the A B C D bubbles you fill in with a number 2 Pencile.

[Evil Monkey-Tom]

A teacher who uses a scantron isn't a teacher.

[Sam]

College textbooks are one of the biggest scams ever.

But to take it out on you, the hapless girl sitting on the other side of the counter is rather asinine.  The real criminals are the publishing companies

[Chopper Face 69]

I meant anagram...

And why do students need to buy those sheets? They always give them to us when we do our exams.

[TM2 Rampage]

In high school, my Physics teacher told me that it's probably a good idea to stock up on Scantrons in case they run out or something...

or MAYBE (I cannot remember, I am just speculating here) they make you provide your own Scantrons?

[IDE]

College textbooks are one of the biggest scams ever.

But to take it out on you, the hapless girl sitting on the other side of the counter is rather asinine.  The real criminals are the publishing companies

For Troof

[B E C K]

College textbooks are one of the biggest scams ever.

Exactly, man.  I even tried to get a CD for one customer that belonged to this one particular package.  This customer had everything else that came with the package, text, workbook, etc., except the CD.  The publisher would not fricken sell the CD by itself.  She was stuck having to buy a new package.  Messed up.

I have no problem with people being angry about it, just don't take it out me.  I even tell them, "Look man, I'm a student, too.  I have a $100 brand new, crisp math book and unused study guide sitting on my shelf that's gonna be a bookend for a long while since it's an old edition and no one would buy it.   I have a $60 book about the weather that I couldn't sell back because it's an Instructor's Edition, nevermind that the only difference between that one and the student copy is an introduction at the beginning."

Truth be told, I kinda like my actual job.  Maybe if I was getting paid more, I'd tough it out.  I don't want to go on a Doug-like tangent here, but they piled shitloads of work on me with barely any preperation or training and got on my ass about things they themselves knew nothing about.  Some of the wonky store policies really get me, too.  Like I'm not allowed to print out ISBNs for students when they come in to price a book.  They're already in the store.  If we have the book, they can go get it and flip it over and write it down.  And my favorite one...  I've been working there for months, and the textbook area is almost always closed off!  If I were a customer, I wouldn't even want to bother with that store.  But the management or sometimes lack there of really makes things difficult.  I think if that alone had been rectified, things would be all right.    Not to mention we're a college textbook store and we have NO TEXTBOOK MANAGER.  We haven't had one for about a month now.  It's friggin' ridiculous.

And why do students need to buy those sheets? They always give them to us when we do our exams.

Almost no one does that here.  On the upside, they are usually incredibly cheap and plentiful.  There's only one specific one where I recall that we actually ran out of it.  I usually find out which ones I need for myself and buy a few in the beginning of the semester.  However, since a sizable percentage of college students are hopelessly retarded, they come running in and scrambling for them like piglets on a teat.

Which reminds me, I may have mentioned it, but the bookstore at my university, which used to be run by Barnes and Noble, has been taken over by the same company I currently work for.  Bleh.  Anyway, there's a smaller campus downtown since the original one is far off on the edge of the city.  This smaller campus has its own bookstore.  Since the takeover, this store was completely emptied.  Summer exams were last week, and I heard a lot of students were pissed since they were relying on running into that bookstore and getting scantrons.

A teacher who uses a scantron isn't a teacher.

Ha ha, yeah!  Scantron tests never taught me anything.  However, I like them for being easy and I just wanna pass.

[Evil Monkey-Tom]

I have many stories from the Pharmacy and photolab.

[B E C K]

Share!  Dish!!  Who did you poison and why?

[IDE]

All of my quirky work stories about odd ball customers end in me punching someone in the face or grinding their nose into the asphalt.

[Chopper Face 69]

All of my quirky work stories about odd ball customers end in me punching someone in the face or grinding their nose into the asphalt.

I wish I could do that at my job.  "Some asshole manager on a powet trip was up here and gave me work at the last minute expecting it done by Monday when it's clearly 2 weeks worth of work. I kicked him in the face so he won't be bothering us for a while.  Who wants to go to lunch?"

[joe]

Hey, if anyone could make it work, it would be you. I say go for it.

[B E C K]

All of my quirky work stories about odd ball customers end in me punching someone in the face or grinding their nose into the asphalt.

Issues.

[IDE]

All of my quirky work stories about odd ball customers end in me punching someone in the face or grinding their nose into the asphalt.

Issues.

Yep...when someone say for example punches my manager (whose a friend) or spits in the face of one of our bartenders (also a friend) I do take issue...and lay my vengeance upon them.

Then while they lie bloodied and beaten on the ground I hop up and run along the crowd's edge high fiving everyone or do the ole Hulk Hogan hand wave and then cup to the ear thing.

[B E C K]

Yep...when someone say for example punches my manager (whose a friend) or spits in the face of one of our bartenders (also a friend)

Dude, what the hell!  You work in a land of savagery!  I'd be calling the cops, filing charges, and suing for damages like a mook.

[Chopper Face 69]

You did know he's a bouncer don't you?

[B E C K]

Yes I did.  I just don't expose myself to that sort of depravity, so I guess I find it a bit shocking to hear about working admist spitting and punches.  One my cousins used to be a bouncer and the little whore almost got shot once.  Spit is so much more vile than a bullet.

[Evil Monkey-Tom]

Share!  Dish!!  Who did you poison and why?

Insurance denials sometimes can happen because something important was omitted, and by the time they figure it out through hours of phone calls it's fixed.

I've seen more penis in pictures than Faye when she goes to 'work'. Seriously though, you can tell who's making nudie pics. They always ask alot of questions. What's worse IMO has to be fat, naked, old chicks. Apparently people from Wisconson don't like fags, yet photographing the unnatural folds in thier inner thighs is fair game.

Then there's women who get Flomax perscriptions. Flomax is for the prostate.

"What do you mean my script isn't ready? Just because I have a near impossible name to spell (Cieziewitz or something, and many others) and I've never been to a CVS in my life, why can't my script be filled now?! I GET ON THE PLANE TOMORROW!"

"I need my viagra, just one pill. I'm willing to pay cash without using my insurance."

"I need 'anti-inflamitories', 'anti-itch gels', and a large dose of Valtrex."

"I have a perscription for Xanax, Paxil, Prozac, Lunesta, and Vicodin." "How are you today?" "WONDERFUL!" (Note - those are the most abused medications in Florida, and some people just get those and their generics)

"Hi, I have a perscription from California (or some foriegn country) for Medicinal marijuanna, can I fill it here?"

"What do you mean my perscription isn't ready? My doctor told me you'd be able to fill it within 5 minutes?!"

"That is it, I am through with you, I am; Going to Walgreens, getting drugs from Canada, ordering my drugs in the mail."

"Yeah... my bottle of Alprazolam (Xanax) fell down the sink. I need another refill even though I picked up one on Friday."

"Can I drink with this? I mean more than beer."

"Are you sure this is the price? I never heard of pills costing this much!"

"Hi, I just came here from (midwest) and I need the following heart and cholestrol pills now, because I forgot my pills at home, otherwise I could suffer a heart attack." (Then at checkout, guess who's buying 4 bags of 2 for 1 lays potato chips?)

"Excuse me, when can I pick these pills up that I don't need and I see 14 other people in line? Can I wait for them?" (Proceeds to stand there and wait, staring at us through the safety glass)

(drive thru today) "Hi! I need these pills, when will they be ready? Oh, in 20 minutes? Ok, me and my husband are going out to dinner, we'll pick them up when we're done eating dinner." 5 minuttes later "What do you mean my pills aren't ready? I wanted them done before I went to dinner!"

And the photolab (which I only work in because no one else in the goddamned pharmacy can use a computer without constantly breaking it.

"Hi, I opened my camera when film was in it, but I am hoping there's a way for you to recover the pictures from my 35mm film. ...what? You can't? But you have a computer right there!"

"Can you expand the picture to over there?" *points off the picture on the counter* "...you mean?" "Well to left of me there was -something interesting- and I didn't take a picture and I was wondering if you could get this."

"I have a digital camera and it's not working." "Did you chell the batteries?" Batteries? No, this is a digital camera and it plugs into the computer, like a mouse."

"Is there any way that you can get pictures from this camera? I thought it was waterproof, but when I pulled it out from the pool the camera was making wierd noises."

[B E C K]

"Hi, I just came here from (midwest) and I need the following heart and cholestrol pills now, because I forgot my pills at home, otherwise I could suffer a heart attack." (Then at checkout, guess who's buying 4 bags of 2 for 1 lays potato chips?)

 Fuckers.

[Wickedly Yours E]

Top Ten Things I hate:

10.) People who don't hand me the money/credit card/chell, they just throw it on the counter, despite my hand being outstretched.

9.) People who drop their backpacks on the floor rather than stick them in the cubbies/lockers provided.

8.) PEOPLE who ignore our "NO BACKPACKS ALLOWED" sign and wear the backpacks anyway.

7.) My manager telling me that we need to find something for me to do or they'll send me home WHEN I AM WORKING. In this instance, I was working on the Stupid stupid Stupid paper shredder, and he comes up and tells me this, and I look at him, and hold up the shredder. "I AM WORKING."

6.) "Damn! Your books are an outrage! I can get these cheaper online." Yes. We know. The Publishers gouge the students. I'm sorry, it's not our fault. Go bitch to someone who doesn't hear it twelve times every hour.

5.) "I need help looking for this book."
"All right, what's the section number?"
"It's Math."
Well GEE. We have about sixteen different math classes.  Pick one.

4.) "Do you sell Stamps here?" ....No. No we don't.

3.) People who have to use a credit card for a 25 cent purchase or lower.

2.) "WHere's the Scantrons?" Grrr.

1.) "You guys sell sandwiches in here?" ......It's a Bookstore. Not a friggin' DELI!

[B E C K]

10.) People who don't hand me the money/credit card/chell, they just throw it on the counter, despite my hand being outstretched.

Even if my hand is outstretched, I'm a little forgiving if they're busy or distracted and place it on the counter.  But then you have those ones that just throw shit on the counter.  Rudeness, much?  I feel like blurting out "yeah?  fuck you, too."  

9.) People who drop their backpacks on the floor rather than stick them in the cubbies/lockers provided.

We didn't have this problem as much.  The only time people really did this was when the cubbies were full.  One thing I liked when the old company ran the store, they had these lockers where you'd pop in a quarter and you could lock your shit up.  I hate the idea of leaving my bag where someone could easily steal it.

8.) PEOPLE who ignore our "NO BACKPACKS ALLOWED" sign and wear the backpacks anyway.

After a while, I stopped caring.  It's a college, they should be allowed to wear them.  The competition has those theft protectors at the door.  Why couldn't we?  The company that owns the store is fricken huge, with hundreds of stores.  Bitches can afford it.

4.) "Do you sell Stamps here?" ....No. No we don't.

The company that used to own the store would do this.  I would go down and buy a couple sometimes.  I don't know why the new company doesn't.  They wouldn't even need a machine like the last people.  How easy is it to buy some stamps from the post office and scalp the students?  Fifty cents.  They would pay it.

3.) People who have to use a credit card for a 25 cent purchase or lower.

I had a chell for a scantron once.  21 cents including the two cents for Uncle Toucan Sam.

[IDE]

well there was a fight at work tonight I threw a couple of guys on the ground simultaneously with what could only  be called a double hip toss (but I didn't really use my hips) but then a 7 man melee ensued so I stepped back and told them to kill eachother.  Then the cops sprayed them down with pepper spray.  So one of them decided to punch the cop.  So the cop takes him down and starts trying to cuff him and one of his friends started foward like he was going to touch the cop so I knocked him down with a palm strike to the chest.

After all of this the girl who I like that decided she didn't  like me (the one i fucked it up with) told me "that was hot" and gave me her number again (I had lost it when I washed my cell phone in my pants after drinking till 8am).  I also met a freshman who just turned 18 last week (She thinks I'm 23).  So I want to take this moment to say thanks to those rowdy drunk bastards who got dominated in the street (even though it was a paltry domination by my standards).  

Sometimes though I wish I had a job like you guys and clerks type stuff to complain about.

[Evil Monkey-Tom]

My job can be fun if Derek is on, otherwise it gets a bit boring... especially with Matthew the pharmacist. He sounds like a pedo, and hides from customers x.x

[Evil Monkey-Tom]

4.) "Do you sell Stamps here?" ....No. No we don't.

I get that... in the Pharmacy. It's kinda sad when there IS A POST OFFICE NEXT DOOR TO THE CVS! x.x

[Merla]

1.) "You guys sell sandwiches in here?" ......It's a Bookstore. Not a friggin' DELI!

The bookstore at work use to sell sandwiches.  I forgot my lunch once and bought one.  It was labeled turkey.  It was the nastiest piece of shit ever.  The damn thing had like one little slice of turkey meat and was jammed back with fucking alfalfa sprouts.  That's what I get for buying a sandwich from a bookstore.  

[Karmarose]

In the campus bookstore, there's a coffee place on the second floor that sells sandwiches and baked goods. Still wouldn't trust them though. >.<