The Sphere
General Garbage => Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits => Topic started by: The D on Sep 13, 2007, 12:18:36 PM
-
At the place I work one of the cashiers is this hot 20-something girl who said she remembers me from my old college, that we took classes together. She doesn't entirely seem like my type, she wears big hoop earrings and her messy blonde hair in a rough ponytail and a tuff of hair in her face, and she kinda talks like a black chick. But I flirt with her without even knowing I'm flirting with her (teh fuck?), probably because I'm not really interested in dating her.
Most nerdy guys who meet a girl they're interested in are shy around them, because they're afraid of screwing up and looking like an idiot. But when I'm around a woman I'm not really interested in, I'm laid back. And I'm not interested in dating her because she doesn't seem my type, I just wanna nail her. But she probably sees me as just friend material.
Then you got the Jessica-Alba lookalike with the anime backpack in my Japanese class, as well as some other attractive women (and I think she's 19).
IDE! Be my sensei! Teach me the ways of being a pimp like you! Show me your secrets on success! Tell me how to shape my bod into a babe magnet! Instruct me on the ways of excercise and weight training so I'll have the muscle mass to attract women.
IDE-kenobi, you are my only hope!
-
Get her really really drunk. It's worked for me.
-
See, this is why there's not enough 20-something cashiers to go around - Chelsey's hogging them all.
-
Oh brother! :keelover: :laugh: :doug:
You should hook-up with the cashier because methinks your type it out of your league.
-
This will end in fire and tears.
-
...DAMMAT. Ya beat me to it.
-
See, this is why there's not enough 20-something cashiers to go around - Chelsey's hogging them all.
:)
-
I wish I had some antique cars on my lawn that needed washing and waxing but alas I don't...
When do you get off work? Probably not till late right? Odds are this chick smokes pot. If you're willing to do so with her that would probably be the fastest route into her panties.
1) Ask girl if she smokes
2) Ask her what she's doing after work
3) Ask her to come over and smoke with you, watch a movie, etc.
4) Profit
Or after you've been talking for a moment you could just cut in with "What are you doing this weekend (tomorrow, etc.)?"
To which she'll reply: "I don't know"
Then you can go with 1, 2, or all of the following:
"Give me your number let's hang out"
"Do you like sushi?"
"wanna do cocktails at (inser bar) and see (insert movie)?"
Something simple like this. There are no magic words my young padowan. The trick is allowing the living force to flow through you during the delivery. If you project confidence then you're more likely to succeed.
-
.....Nuri already said it.
-
No...No, I'm confident I can fix anyone no matter how socially inept.
However, I'm not sure I can do it via INTERNET without extensive background knowledge and the client's full dedication to being fit and eating right.
-
What the hell are you?
-
Living proof.
-
Awesome. Make it happen. Maybe pussy will straight him out.
-
I doubt it.
-
I wish I had some antique cars on my lawn that needed washing and waxing but alas I don't...
When do you get off work? Probably not till late right? Odds are this chick smokes pot. If you're willing to do so with her that would probably be the fastest route into her panties.
1) Ask girl if she smokes
2) Ask her what she's doing after work
3) Ask her to come over and smoke with you, watch a movie, etc.
4) Profit
Or after you've been talking for a moment you could just cut in with "What are you doing this weekend (tomorrow, etc.)?"
To which she'll reply: "I don't know"
Then you can go with 1, 2, or all of the following:
"Give me your number let's hang out"
"Do you like sushi?"
"wanna do cocktails at (inser bar) and see (insert movie)?"
Something simple like this. There are no magic words my young padowan. The trick is allowing the living force to flow through you during the delivery. If you project confidence then you're more likely to succeed.
Well, I don't smoke pot so that's out of the question.
I also need IDE to carve me into the Spartan god he is. I could try all those pickup lines above and more than likely, with my current appearance, I'd get the "Oh let's just be friends" line. So I need you, IDE, to tell me, since I now have access to a fitness center at my school, exactly what things I have to do there to get a lean, mean, Persian-killing body.
So here's potential candidates:
The Girl at Work:
She already knows me from long ago. But she may just be short term relationship material. She wears huge hoop earrings all the time, and has a bit of a ghetto slang thing going. So I'd say her personality's like a pop chick straight off of MTV. But she does keep her hair rather messy, she seems like a nice girl, and she knows me from long ago, so who knows.
The Girl with the Anime Backpack:
The thing's going for this girl is that she has a nerdy side, so she may like nerdy guys. However, there are some worrysome signs here. First off, her backpack has mostly patches of Inuyasha and Naruto, which are CN anime, so she may just be a casual anime fan (but then why does she have two Fruits Basket patches and attends a Japanese class?). Also, she carries herself like a sorority girl. Her hair is long silky and flowing, she has enough mascera on her eyelashes to coat an ocean tanker, and she wears tight revealing clothing, which indicates she likes to flaunt her body, which indicates she has a "princess", "valley girl", or "local slut" mentality, much like Faye. And as much as I'd love to bone her, I don't want to have a long-term relationship with a girl who worries more about her exterior appearance than anything else.
Other possible girls:
There's this one girl who came into class today wearing a Transformers T-shirt, so she's a geek, and she's hot. *watches all the male Transformers fans head towards their cars* Except for the fact that she has black dyed hair that's in small curls, which I find unattractive. I could always just put a bag over her hair.
And there may be other girls in the class who are also attractive and geeky. It's hard to tell unless they walk in with Inu Yasha on their shirt.
In terms of actually bagging the girl, the co-worker would be the best shot. In terms of meeting someone with similar interests who would actually possibly enjoy doing the same things I do, I'd be best off making friends with classmates. The question is, how do I make friends with them without being too obvious about it, and making them think I'm stalking them?
This may all end up in fire and tears.
-
Well what are we working with here? Are you too fat or too skinny?
-
My money is on too skinny.
-
Too skinny and not enough meat on my bones, although I have a bit of a beer belly, not a big one though and not noticeable while wearing large t-shirts.
I just realized something. All of these females may already be taken, and knowing my luck they probably are (I once fell in love with a girl who was taken, and... wait for it... she was black *everyone dies of shock*).
So... here's the plan so far:
- Get to know the girl at work more, chat her up when it's slow and find out if she's single and what she's like.
- Figure out ways to become friends with girls in Japanese Class (IDE?).
- Spend free time working out and sculpting body.
- ????
- Profit!
-
Well, I don't smoke pot so that's out of the question.
Well that's the end of that.
-
.....Alright you stupid schmuck. Here's some advice from E from the "no duh" category:
When in conversation, let her talk. Never make a conversation about you; make it always about them. If they ask YOU something, then you are allowed to state an opinion. The key is to make them think you're a listener and not the whiney bitch you really, really are.
-
If you're serious about working out you should just settle into the mindset that you're hanging back and spawning overlords until it's time to make your rush.
First thing you're going to have to do is start eating 6+ smaller meals a day instead of 3 large ones. At first you're not going to be hungry enough to do this (Try eating a chicken breast or 2 every 2-3 hours). You should make these lean protein for the most part. If you're one of those rail thin arms types then you can throw in some fatty stuff during the first few meals of the day, but those should still be chock full of protein too.
My work out plan is weird and designed just for me so I'd suggest a typical 4 or 5 day split for you (chest, arms, back, legs, shoulders or something along that line)...or you can try this crazy total body work out every other day deal, but you don't have a work out partner do you?
-
I thought that was the problem to begin with.
-
.....Alright you stupid schmuck. Here's some advice from E from the "no duh" category:
When in conversation, let her talk. Never make a conversation about you; make it always about them.
It's weird. That kinda works for me on the internets, but irl that just creeps me out. No, you can't know anything about me. I don't have enough info on you to know whether or not you're some knife-wielding psycho yet. Not to mention I need stuff to know whether or not I'd even like you enough to hold a conversation with you (or am even able to for that matter). I always like dudes to talk about their interests first. And then if they go on about shit like how much they love "Hostel" or how they got so wasted last weekend they were puking everywhere, I know I need to cut this puppy loose fast.
-
I thought that was the problem to begin with.
That he's hanging back and not acting? This time though he'll be hanging back and actually doing something that's going to help him when he finally strikes, instead of ya know, just bitching about his inaction.
-
No, I meant that he didn't have a "work out partner".
-
Oh that.
That's not his problem. Even if this does work I hope he never becomes one of those guys that brings his girlfriend to the gym. It's so cheesy...yet I'm guilty of it U_U.
I also same-side sit in restaurants.
-
What wrong with either of those things? If he did those things, I dare say it would be an improvement on his part. Cheesy is spelling Zac with a 'k'. Be more ashamed of that.
-
Of course you think that you're a girl. It's written somewhere that you don't do those things or a giant beer can will drop from the skies and squish you.
-
First thing you're going to have to do is start eating 6+ smaller meals a day instead of 3 large ones.
I do that already. :P
What kind of food?
My work out plan is weird and designed just for me so I'd suggest a typical 4 or 5 day split for you (chest, arms, back, legs, shoulders or something along that line)...or you can try this crazy total body work out every other day deal, but you don't have a work out partner do you?
4 or 5 day split? Maybe you need to link some sites or something to explain all this.
Oh that.
That's not his problem. Even if this does work I hope he never becomes one of those guys that brings his girlfriend to the gym. It's so cheesy...yet I'm guilty of it U_U.
I also same-side sit in restaurants.
:laugh: I think the co-worker actually works out at the school.
-
If you have a work out partner you could try http://www.thepumpingstation.com/3DayWorkout.html (http://www.thepumpingstation.com/3DayWorkout.html)
I've never done that though (but supposedly it's good) I'm just curious to see if it works. I go with a traditional split (this just means how many days a week you work out like: work work work work rest work work work work rest, etc. would be a 4 day split).
Just make sure that every meal is chock full of protein. I go mostly lean protein like chicken breasts. When I was training hardcore that's like all I ate. Chicken breasts for every meal and egg white omlette with fat free cheese breakfast. You don't have to do anything that extreme though because you could probably use a little more fat and carbs than me.
-
Of course you think that you're a girl. It's written somewhere that you don't do those things or a giant beer can will drop from the skies and squish you.
That's lame. Don't be lame like Ringo Starr.
-
Does the BECK action figure come with a blue meany? I don't think so.
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
She should come with a Brian Heffron action figure instead.
-
Just make sure that every meal is chock full of protein. I go mostly lean protein like chicken breasts. When I was training hardcore that's like all I ate. Chicken breasts for every meal and egg white omlette with fat free cheese breakfast. You don't have to do anything that extreme though because you could probably use a little more fat and carbs than me.
Well, I could always eat at KFC every day. What else? I've heard that pasta's a good idea. Nuts. Whole grain rice. What about those protein shakes?
You know, the reason I want to work out in the first place is to get rid of this gut. So what's the best way to do that? I don't exactly trust that Relacore shit. And I've done some crunches in the past to little effect, and that was when I was actually eating pretty well.
-
If you wanna knock out your guy quick I'll teach you my secret ab technique. Combine that with 15 minutes of cardio and that should clear right up. You'll wanna go leaner than KFC everyday. You could have KFC once a day. After every work out drink a protein shake. I suggest isopure or myoplex brand.
I'll post the ab exercise later cause I gotta run to the gym myself right now.
-
Ok I'm back.
The secret ab technique of the IDEnaka clan is as follows:
I don't know if your gym has the exact machine I use but you can do this anywhere that theres a cable cross machine.
1) Take the ropes extension for the cable cross and clip it on
2) Adjust the height of the cable so that you can be on your knees infront of it facing the weight. (actually this will only work on ones with adjustable heights but most have that these days)
3) While kneeling infront of the ....
fuck I'm gonna have to draw this in MSpaint...
-
I wonder if you are really built like you claim to be. This is teh internets you could very well be shitting D.
-
Ok....ok....I don't want to lie anymore. These past 4 years have been a scam! It was all part of my ploy to...I can't think of a plausible scheme...but suffice to say you're right and I had a professional model take all those pictures for me.
Finally I'm free!
-
1) is doing 10 reverse air crunches while pulling the ropes down with you as you crunch (get it?) make the weight heavy enough so that your muscles fail around 10 reps.
2) is 10 crunches
3) is doing 10 leg lifts (i.e lay down on your back, put your arms over your head and hold onto the machine then legs together you raise them up )
You do 3 sets of each step in succession 123 rest 123 rest 123
do this every other day and it will build your ab muscles up to the point that even if you havent lost all the fat they will bulge enough that you can see definition.
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
o_o It's like...Like....IDE's turning D into Mini IDE. It's Mini DE.
-
I'll train him then he'll go rogue and try to use his new found powers on 12 year olds, at which point the government will contact me to hunt him down.
-
That drawing kinda looks like a step by step process of a guy passing out drunk.
-
Exactly...ancient kung fu masters used an animal approach to develop their different styles. I went with a more familiar source to develop my own.
-
That drawing kinda looks like a step by step process of a guy passing out drunk.
Ha, ha, that's what I thought it was, too. I could see the guy doing crunches but I'm lost on the rest of it. :lol:
-
So, #1 up there is... ok, it's one of those machines with a long bar with handles on both ends, and a cable tied to the middle, and the cable goes up to a pole high up and then to weights right? And then you kneel like in prayer, grab the bar, and then bend over, and then go up and down while bent over? sounds more like some kind of wierd sex position.
420 chan has a weightlifting board, /ana/ which could stand for anarobic, but could also stand for anorexic. You should give some of those *channers some tips as well.
-
yeah you got it.
There's probably already some douche bag over there telling everyone how to lift and posting pictures of himself. I don't want to become that guy.
-
I posted a thread in /b/ and it disappeared, and bloody 4chan keeps on "timing out". :/
-
Being the most interesting person who ever lived has always worked for me.
That and my mustache.
-
I posted a thread in /b/ and it disappeared, and bloody 4chan keeps on "timing out". :/
You need a time out mister!
-
That and my mustache.
What was that? Attack you with this razor and a can of Skintimate you say?
-
Psht. Electric razor.
-
No, he gets the cheap used one with rust and pubes stuck in it.
-
Nonono - the EPILATOR!! Hear those roots a'rippin'!
-
That thing sounds worse than Nads. :keelover:
-
Heh. "Merla's Nads".
-
That and my mustache.
What was that? Attack you with this razor and a can of Skintimate you say?
No, I didn't say that at all. ::) I'm very comfortable with my face the way it is. Besides, hasn't the same thing always worked for you?
;D tee hee
-
Mine's alive and can apply my lipstick AND do my taxes.
-
Can it....... shut the fuck up? Does it have that special magic powet?
Huh? Does it?
-
Only the pubes do magic, the moustache's just an ordinary guy. An ordinary guy, except he can fly and sometimes he is invisible. All day long, he's just rightin' wrongs and makin' evil villains miserable.
-
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Hotel essssssstrada
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget. :poo:
-
Mustaches are for guys not manly enough to grow nice full beards, or gay pr0n stars. Except for Burt...he can get away with it.
-
Mustaches are for guys not manly enough to grow nice full beards, or gay pr0n stars.
You forgot child molestors and villains that tie chicks to train tracks.
-
You are right. Thank you for pointing out my oversight.
-
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
<--------------
-
Um....a guy at a tiny urinal peeing downward?
-
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
<--------------
Are you a child molestor like Doug and Lupin!?
-
No, I fall somewhere in the middle i.e. molesting train tracks.
-
What about molesting child gay pr0n stars that look like Burt Reyonlds.
-
That group is unionized and I don't want to pay the dues.
-
it took me a lot of hassle to get into the school's rec center. My ID's supposed to let me get in, but it wasn't set up right or something so if it was swiped at the door it got denied.
The place has 5 floors. 2 pools with olympic diving boards. 4 indoor basketball courts. 16 racketball courts. There's a fitness gym on the first floor, split up in half with free weight machines on one side and non-free-weight machines and treadmills/stairs/bikes on the other. And there's a second smaller fitness area on the fourth floor. Apparently with the 5 floors some people were using the stairs of the place to exercise too. The free weight area freaked me out because everyone there was IDE's size. The food shop sells protein drinks. I wish I could tell what machines were there so IDE could tell me which ones to focus on, but there's such an elabroate range of machines. I saw one machine like he described where it has an overhead bar sticking out, and a long bar with handles on the end hooked up to a cable in the middle and you pull it down.
There are arobic exercise classes for free, but personal trainer's $40 a session.
-
More like someone got wind that your a pervert and set the system to deny you access.
-
Start with chest day like every noob.
Go to the hammer strength machines (pictured below) that are for regular* (bench) press. Warm up with a set of 16 or so with I don't know...2 10 lbs weights on each side (I'm guessing because I don't know what you look like). Then add more weight and do 10 reps. Then add more weight and 8 reps. Then add more weight and do 6 reps. Then go to the free weights and get a pair of dumb bells, lay on your back on a flat bench and hold your arms out in front of you in the shape of the mandibles/horns of the pokeymanz pictured below with your fists holding the dumbells together as if the pokeymanz had caught something (these are called dumbell flies). Then still holding your arms curved like the mandibles extend them out to either side as if you were letting that something go. You want to keep your arms curved like mandibles when you extend and not straight out like jesus does or you will be crucified there when your shoulders pop out of the sockets (well not with the pussy weight your starting with but you get the picture). You don't have to go down super far just until you feel a stretch in your chest muscles. Do the warm up, 10, 8, 6 rep routine with these.
Then go back to the inclined angle hammer stregnth machine and do the warm, up, 10, 8, 6 there.
Then go to the peck deck (pictured below) and do the routine there.
Then go drink a protein shake and drift off to sleep to dream about all the bergina that will one day be yours because most chicks are dumb and will nail anyone with a jacked up physique.
*regular as in straight out, not inclined angle or declined angle
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
I had a bodybuilder friend stationed in Okinawa when he was a jarhead who lifted with this guy who would put ammonia capsules in each nostril, bust them, scream and do maybe 3-4 deadlifts with as much weight as he could fit on the bar. I wonder if he has a Michael Jackson hole-nose now.
-
what the fuck is the ammonia supposed to do? Burn your face?
-
Hell if I know. Ammonia capsules are in first aid kits to bring people out of a faint - apparently, it gave that dude enough of a buzz to go apeshit on the bar.
-
I might not be an expert, but I'd think ape shit would make the bar harder to hold onto.
-
Rick didn't say anything about the guy being an ape, so I'm guessing he shat elsewhere. Maybe in the giant dryers when they set them on cool, drank cough syrup & took rides in them. :joe:
-
Hell if I know. Ammonia capsules are in first aid kits to bring people out of a faint - apparently, it gave that dude enough of a buzz to go apeshit on the bar.
It has less to do with a buzz and more to do with the almost involuntary body spasm ammonia tends to elicit. I can't help but think doing that while lifting weights is a sure way to injure yourself pretty badly in the process.
I quit lifting weights in high school, after what it did to my arms. Those friggin' stretch marks never go the hell away. It's like my arms had a baby and have sat on a couch since 1996.
-
These were guys who really should not have been in a peacetime military. My friend was the calmest one of the lot, and he beat a guy up who had endlessly harassed him about being a bookworm so badly he had to be medivaced someplace - the others were probably berserkers in an earlier life.
-
My body is still sore. It's been 2 days. I may have slightly overexerted myself to impress the hot females in skimpy clothing that were around me.
One of them was old enough to be my mother, but boy did she move her pelvis sooo nicely.
-
Those are the best ones.
-
Why is this thread 3 pages long? Why is D trying to get ass AND talking about it here? why? why?
-
:blink: An uncharacteristcally good point.
-
Because I have sworn to help all those who are deeply in need.
-
And that D has firmly established.