Author Topic: Beardless she-dwarf and short-haired elves. (Read 3485 times)

B E C K · « **on:** Feb 14, 2022, 05:24:30 PM »

What is this madness?

Yeah, yeah. Black people. I know that's what's getting the most attention. But no beard on her? Short hair on them? That was the least of the things they could've fixed. The costumes look cheap. Everything is CG.

Probably should've backseated this topic onto CRICKET TITS but even cricket tits have beards.

jonhammstein · « **Reply #1 on:** Feb 14, 2022, 07:00:50 PM »

I guess it's just a teaser, but it's all so scattershot and vague, I have no clue what I'm meant to take away from it.

Like, as far as my excitement for this show goes, the needle hasn't moved one bit.

But if it's anything like Wheel of Time...

B E C K · « **Reply #2 on:** Feb 14, 2022, 08:11:42 PM »

It's Wheel of Time 2: Electric Boogaloo. At least they remembered this time that people need to be dirty.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #3 on:** Feb 18, 2022, 09:15:10 AM »

Being the archfiend Southern WASP male of the bunch, I have to admit that I really don't give a crap about the race of the actors in this thing. I'm giving it a chance but not expecting much (I learned that from Hobbit...which BTW was a total honky fest). But my biggest bugaboo with it is that 3500 years of Second Age timeline will apparently be compressed to...oh, about 200 years. That just can't possibly be good, but I hope they surprise me.

B E C K · « **Reply #4 on:** Feb 24, 2022, 08:19:31 AM »

Lord of the Rings anime film? There's gonna be an anime film? Please let it be good. Please~~~

https://variety.com/2022/film/news/lord-of-the-rings-warner-bros-zaentz-rights-1235184414/

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #5 on:** Feb 24, 2022, 02:18:09 PM »

War of the Rohirrim will feature the battle of Helm Hammerhand against the Dunlendings.

https://variety.com/2022/film/news/lord-of-the-rings-the-war-of-the-rohirrim-release-date-1235181646/

The director is the guy who did Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex.

As a big fan of the Rohirrim I'm quite looking forward to this.

jonhammstein · « **Reply #6 on:** Feb 24, 2022, 04:22:04 PM »

I mean... aren't the Rohirrim basically just the Proud Boys of Middle Earth?

Hahaha.

B E C K · « **Reply #7 on:** Feb 24, 2022, 05:49:40 PM »

2024. It comes out in 2024. Argh.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #8 on:** Feb 25, 2022, 03:29:00 PM »

Quote from: joerammstein on Feb 24, 2022, 04:22:04 PM

I mean... aren't the Rohirrim basically just the Proud Boys of Middle Earth?

Hahaha.

The Rohirrim were basically Vikings from the Old West. Proud Boys were basically Vikings in Pelosi's office.

B E C K · « **Reply #9 on:** Feb 25, 2022, 05:13:23 PM »

Quote from: Rodent of Unusual Size on Feb 25, 2022, 03:29:00 PM

Quote from: joerammstein on Feb 24, 2022, 04:22:04 PM
I mean... aren't the Rohirrim basically just the Proud Boys of Middle Earth?

Hahaha.
The Rohirrim were basically Vikings from the Old West. Proud Boys were basically Vikings in Pelosi's office.

The Vikings, in turn, being the Proud Boys of Scandinavia's office.

Fiero · « **Reply #10 on:** Apr 02, 2022, 07:52:05 PM »

The visuals for the Rings of Power are fine. I'm annoyed that they're shrinking the timeline "to make things work" or whatever.

jonhammstein · « **Reply #11 on:** Jul 08, 2022, 03:39:17 AM »

Can you believe this thing is in September? I'm not hoping for it to fail, but I'll be super surprised if it's any good. There's just something about high fantasy as premium television that's very tough to swallow these days, particularly after the way Game of Thrones ended. And man was Wheel of Time a stinker.

You know what, though? I'll admit to being a little excited for that Willow show that Disney+ is doing. The trailer for that actually makes a pretty strong case for itself.

Or maybe I was just charmed by the "behind the scenes" featurette that had Warwick Davis addressing his much younger co-stars. It honestly could have been a scene from Life's Too Short. Loved it.

B E C K · « **Reply #12 on:** Jul 09, 2022, 11:56:10 PM »

I think the difference is that Willow the movie can be completely deviated from as long as the main character remains in tact. For me, Willow himself was the movie. As long as the viewer can believe it's the same guy--older and wiser--just doing something completely different now, a series can be passable. They'd have to really shit the bed with the Willow character to ruin it. The worse thing this series could do is sideline Willow for these other characters. Which I believe them to be capable of doing but it's possible they won't.

I don't know if this gets included with the other high fantasy clusterfucks but did you see The Legend of Vox Machina. For the people who were Critical Role fans, I'm sure they loved what they got. For me that never watched or listened to Critical Role, I quickly lost interest with that type of humor.

jonhammstein · « **Reply #13 on:** Jul 10, 2022, 12:05:45 AM »

I watched the first episode of Vox Machina. Fucking Cringe Festival. Maybe that shit can be funny in a spur of the moment kind of way during a D&D campaign, but as scripted television they can fuck right off.

Faye Valentine · « **Reply #14 on:** Jul 10, 2022, 03:38:35 AM »

I remember when the first trailer came out and was posted in youtube, literally everybody was shitting on it. I don't have high expectations. I do want to re-read the silmarillion before watching it tho

B E C K · « **Reply #15 on:** Jul 10, 2022, 09:03:06 AM »

I'm not even looking forward to the show itself but am on pins and needles waiting for the roasts.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #16 on:** Jul 10, 2022, 10:16:50 PM »

I watched it not knowing the background. I found it at its core to be fine, but half the characterizations and virtually all the dialogue was patently ridiculous.

B E C K · « **Reply #17 on:** Aug 15, 2022, 11:05:52 AM »

I know this is already several weeks old already but I never watched it. I nearly LOL'd at the ridiculous mound of helmets. Like who the hell stacked the ones at the top? Did you have the eagles or whoever fly up there and place them there like the top of a Jenga tower? What the fuck? Classic example of some know-nothing trying to be 'le epic' and not thinking things through.

jonhammstein · « **Reply #18 on:** Aug 15, 2022, 04:35:09 PM »

Is it actually old? I haven't seen it. Was it from San Diego, maybe?

Man, you see that Black Hobbit? Is nothing sacred?

B E C K · « **Reply #19 on:** Aug 15, 2022, 05:34:11 PM »

Yeah, I believe it premiered there. The vid's from July 22nd.

jonhammstein · « **Reply #20 on:** Sep 02, 2022, 02:16:27 AM »

Well, I gotta eat my hat, because Rings of Power is actually pretty good. No shortcuts here, every frame oozes money. A promising start, at the very least.

House of the Dragon has been alright so far, too. My predictions have been way off.

Does this mean Disney's Willow is going to be ass?

B E C K · « **Reply #21 on:** Sep 03, 2022, 10:54:03 PM »

I've heard it looks good but characters and dialogue don't mesh. I actually forgot it finally came out. I might actually give an episode a watch. Or maybe see a review first. Not sure yet.

jonhammstein · « **Reply #22 on:** Sep 04, 2022, 12:27:40 AM »

Haha, it can be fucking jarring for sure. Also, short-haired elves rub me the wrong way. I kept thinking this the whole time, but then the one elf dude who wears his hair long has the most heinous wig, and I'm just like WELP.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #23 on:** Sep 04, 2022, 10:51:22 PM »

Can you believe they spent a quarter BILLION clams on the rights to LOTR but couldn't get the fucking Silmarillion? I don't know who is to blame: Amazon for being retards, or the Tolkien estate being greedy bitches. Either way that means they can't reference anything from it that isn't also in the ROTK appendices! I don't see how they thought they could do a prequel without the primary reference for it. They did sneak some visual references from some First Age artwork, but my fear of it turning out to be largely Tolkien fanfic is no longer just an extension of my natural cynical pessimism....

Rama · « **Reply #24 on:** Oct 09, 2022, 08:15:32 AM »

First three episodes of the show we’re boring as fuck. Like nothing happened. The last couple ones are much better but at the same time I’m like “that’s not how that happened” Which I don’t know why I expected them to stick to how it happened. But I’m sitting here like going but wait a minute so Sauron has to help them make the rings of powet then he hast to go down to Mordor and the fires of Mountain Doom and make the one ring. Then the elves have to Figure out what he’s up to and then he makes war on them to get the other 17 rings back then he hast to give them to men and dwarves. Then he has to be defeated by the numenorians Then he has to be taken back to the island then he has to corrupt the people of the island to the point where the island sinks when they all have to go back to middle earth and establish their kingdoms there and then they have to fight the battle of the last alliance and they have to all do this in the lifespan of the human characters in the show. And I’m like that’s too much.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #25 on:** Oct 09, 2022, 10:24:25 PM »

The time frame is completely jacked up, the characterizations are largely garbage, and no amount of production quality will make up for the drivel dialogue and ponderous plotting. And they haven't even gotten to the damn rings of powet yet. This is nothing but pure-D fanfic, and not good fanfic, to boot.

jonhammstein · « **Reply #26 on:** Oct 12, 2022, 12:58:35 AM »

I'm definitely struggling to stay interested at this point. One more episode to go, then I don't have to think about it anymore.

Still better than Wheel of Time, though. Ugh. UGH!

House of the Dragon, while obviously a less expensive show, is far more entertaining. The way time progresses months and even years between episodes is refreshing as fuck. Makes me wonder if, by the time we get to the planned fourth and final season, every character from season one will be long dead.

Fingers crossed for Willow.

Rama · « **Reply #27 on:** Oct 12, 2022, 09:48:01 AM »

House of the Dragon is the superior of these two shows. That show is really solid and stuff actually happens. Much more enjoyable watch, even with all the cousin/niece fucking.

jonhammstein · « **Reply #28 on:** Oct 15, 2022, 08:15:37 PM »

Season finale of Rings was pretty good. If only every episode could be as exciting and meaningful.

I wonder if every season we'll get a new batch of rings right at the end. That would be hilarious.

Rama · « **Reply #29 on:** Oct 16, 2022, 08:10:12 PM »

I was thinking the same thing. If that had been epsiode 3 instead of the season finale we might have got something out this show.

jonhammstein · « **Reply #30 on:** Dec 16, 2022, 11:20:23 PM »

So the Willow show kind of fucking sucks. It's got this whole YA thing going on that's just like... Huh? Wha? Buh? The characters speak and act like they got isekai'd from the 21st century, presumably because the writers thought that having them talk and behave all old-timey would be lame?

What a turd.

I will say it looks better than Wheel of Time, even though Amazon almost certainly spent way more making that than Disney did making this. Although it's also more boring, so...

And another thing! Willow mostly ends up being a sidekick in the show that's fucking named after him! I was trying to remember if the movie was like that as well, but it really wasn't! Willow was the hero and star of that film!

What is this show supposed to be?!

B E C K · « **Reply #31 on:** Dec 18, 2022, 08:07:50 PM »

I was wondering if Willow was going to be sidelined since I saw that one preview a while back and it was featuring all of these other characters that aren't Willow. Sadness.

Also, still haven't seen RoP. I meant to. To at least try it. But I can't bring myself to do it.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #32 on:** Dec 18, 2022, 10:26:50 PM »

There was so much good about RoP, from the production values to the music to the potential for actual storytelling, but they blew it spectacularly. I'm hoping they can recover, and I'm enough of a Tolkien nerd to keep watching it despite myself.

Rama · « **Reply #33 on:** Dec 22, 2022, 09:59:56 PM »

Oh, willow is full out turd burger bad. What’s throwing me off the most is the use of more contemporary music in a medieval fantasy setting. It’s really distracting. Rings of powet is actually better than willow by a considerable amount and that’s not saying a lot because the rings of powet was pretty much ass as well.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #34 on:** Dec 23, 2022, 10:48:45 PM »

I just saw (apparently it's been known for quite a while, but I don't remember seeing it before) that Amazon is preparing a God of War show.

Ugh.

Using the showrunner for the Wheel of Time.

Ugh!

And it's going to forego all the Greek background and jump straight into the Norse storyline.

UGH!

With them also having screwed up the delivery of my mother's Christmas present because of their bullshit 2-day Prime delivery being, well, bullshit; I'm ready for Amazon to just die already. GDAITA.

B E C K · « **Reply #35 on:** Dec 24, 2022, 06:47:09 AM »

Quote from: Rama on Dec 22, 2022, 09:59:56 PM

Oh, willow is full out turd burger bad. What’s throwing me off the most is the use of more contemporary music in a medieval fantasy setting. It’s really distracting.

Wait, what, like Imagine Dragons or something?

Re: Amazon. I don't know if we're still using an old version of their app or what, but I have to play every episode of anything I watch one by one. Yuck.

jonhammstein · « **Reply #36 on:** Dec 24, 2022, 05:15:19 PM »

Short-haired elf sounds like a breed of pet rabbit.

Sorry.

B E C K · « **Reply #37 on:** Dec 26, 2022, 10:09:40 AM »

"He's a short-haired elf. I got him off of Facebook Marketplace and the seller swears he's purebred. She even gave me a bushel of carrots and his mom's old hutch for free. Papers? What papers? Of course he's the real thing. Just look at him!"

B E C K · « **Reply #38 on:** Jan 07, 2024, 11:20:01 AM »

THAR IS A TEMPAST IN MEEEEE!!11WEV;RV

So I never did actually watch ROP but I'm watching the next best thing: criticism that well exceeds the length of the show itself as it tears the show apart bit by bit. And my God. I'm glad I never gave this show a chance. At least the costuming looks better than my initial impression. I'll eat my hat on that one. But Galadriel is fucking garbage. How dare they call this thing Galadriel. Fuck right off. And almost every character in this behaves so inconsistently beyond the point of sense. Why is Halbrand the best character here? Why does the ugly orc guy elicit more emotion from the viewer than, like, Nori or the elf-guy's girlfriend? MEH.

B E C K · « **Reply #39 on:** Feb 03, 2024, 02:15:28 PM »

I saw a YT vid comparing Galadriel and Frieren and it's like, yeah, they are both old-ass girlboss elves with dead loved ones. I didn't even make the parallel because Frieren is cute and cool and Galadriel is stupid with a punchable face.

Rodent of Unusual Size · « **Reply #40 on:** Feb 14, 2024, 08:18:46 PM »

Thing is, Galadriel was a bit of a dick in the First age and into the Second, but she wasn't functionally retarded. I reiterate my contention that this is nothing more or less than a billion dollar fan-fiction

B E C K · « **Reply #41 on:** Feb 17, 2024, 09:22:13 AM »

Generally speaking, I feel like most adaptations these days don't even qualify as fan fiction. Fan fiction's by fans and the people making shit these days don't even like (or know) the property they're adapting.

B E C K · « **Reply #42 on:** Oct 03, 2024, 11:25:39 PM »

I mean, everyone kisses their mother-in-law like that, right? Right? Is his wife even born yet?