Author Topic: I'm sorry but it must be said... (Read 2870 times)

IDE · « **on:** May 29, 2011, 04:09:35 AM »

I fuck with the FURY OF THE HEAVENS! I refuse to believe that every fuckin nerd out there is also receiving accolades on his prowess in bed from strangers and enemies.

Sure your girlfriend is telling you about your ginormous cock and how you're the best she's ever had (when she's not fucking me behind your back). But I'm hearing this shit from girls I don't know, and even more poignant, girls who don't like my personality.

From the moment I lied to some girl about not being a virgin (even though I was) and banged her out on the sands of miami beach (while a homeless guy looked on in awe, his face alight with wonderment as if he'd opened up a treasure chest full of gold in a disney film) I have been rocking vagina in a manner more in accordance with the higher realms than that of this mundane plane. Further proof that this life cycle is some sort of vacation (unless 2012 is true) for me until I resume my mantle as battle master and wench lord supreme in Valhalla.

B E C K · « **Reply #1 on:** May 29, 2011, 09:43:09 PM »

blanktoe · « **Reply #2 on:** May 29, 2011, 10:09:45 PM »

one owl pellets to you sir.

Rama · « **Reply #3 on:** May 31, 2011, 12:22:34 AM »

You really do seem intent on convincing us of this fact. Almost too intent on convincing us. $:-\$

B E C K · « **Reply #4 on:** May 31, 2011, 10:13:22 PM »

We should all write about our sexual exploits. It would all be equally believable.

Last week I went to the zoo and fucked a panda. It turned out to be Chinese Foreign Ministry Spokeswoman, Jiang Yu, testing our borders. But then I realized it wasn't her, but another panda in a Jiang Yu outfit.

Rama · « **Reply #5 on:** Jun 01, 2011, 01:23:14 AM »

Either way you are a traitor to your country. You should have fucked a good old American bear.

B E C K · « **Reply #6 on:** Jun 01, 2011, 01:24:12 AM »

But they don't know kung fu!

Rama · « **Reply #7 on:** Jun 01, 2011, 01:26:51 AM »

They don't sound like Jack Black either.

IDE · « **Reply #8 on:** Jun 02, 2011, 01:53:07 AM »

Quote from: Rama on May 31, 2011, 12:22:34 AM

You really do seem intent on convincing us of this fact. Almost too intent on convincing us. $:-\$

I only bring it up again because I'm being reminded...once again...of this fact.

A moment while I grab my cell phone...

Here we are (I locked the message so it won't auto-delete):

"Sorry I'm being silly...I've just never um been fucked like that n I'm thinking too much...apologies."

There you have it! PROOF THAT MY DICK ACTUALLY INCREASES BRAIN ACTIVITY!

If you ever want your IQ upped ladies I am here to facilitate your intellectual growth.

Fiero · « **Reply #9 on:** Jun 02, 2011, 05:11:13 PM »

You know, I can orgasm about a million times in an hour, but I don't brag about it.

IDE · « **Reply #10 on:** Jun 02, 2011, 06:08:04 PM »

until just now!

Fiero · « **Reply #11 on:** Jun 02, 2011, 07:46:40 PM »

I wasn't bragging, just mentioning it.

B E C K · « **Reply #12 on:** Jun 02, 2011, 10:28:57 PM »

Isn't that just a bunch of synapses mindlessly firing rather than "intellectual growth"?

Rama · « **Reply #13 on:** Jun 02, 2011, 11:50:25 PM »

I came so hard one time that I shot a girl all the way to the moon. Once there she was eaten alive by the Draco aliens that live on the darkside of the moon. They liked the "special sauce" so much that they flew to earth a pay me 500 space bucks to cum on their turkey sandwiches. Which I was doing anyway, and I could use the space bucks to buy space slacks.

B E C K · « **Reply #14 on:** Jun 03, 2011, 12:00:13 PM »

That's just too incredible to be believable. $500 bucks? Pfft.

Rama · « **Reply #15 on:** Jun 03, 2011, 12:50:53 PM »

Space Bucks. At the current exchange rate 500 space bucks is about $3.50.

B E C K · « **Reply #16 on:** Jun 03, 2011, 10:27:35 PM »

There's no such thing as space bucks, they make those up to fool tourists.

Rama · « **Reply #17 on:** Jun 03, 2011, 10:31:57 PM »

But...but...I've been saving. I was going to pay for my Mothers kidney transplant to save her life.

B E C K · « **Reply #18 on:** Jun 03, 2011, 10:35:49 PM »

*impatient sigh*

Rama · « **Reply #19 on:** Jun 03, 2011, 10:38:15 PM »

Oh Mommy! You're gonna die Mommy! *Sobs*

....Well better get back to jerking off on those turkey sandwiches.

IDE · « **Reply #20 on:** Jun 04, 2011, 11:35:14 AM »

Quote from: B E C K on Jun 02, 2011, 10:28:57 PM

Isn't that just a bunch of synapses mindlessly firing rather than "intellectual growth"?

Well then according to you guys she can still write young justice.

B E C K · « **Reply #21 on:** Jun 04, 2011, 05:05:03 PM »

She already has, my friend. She already has.