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Author Topic: Finally saw "Twilight".  (Read 7591 times)

B E C K

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Finally saw "Twilight".
« on: Mar 30, 2009, 06:17:29 PM »
Rama's post about "Twilight" in the movie thread reminded me, I just saw this about a week ago.  It was not rewatchable but it's kind of a decent movie for a night where you have nothing to do.  However, as far as running time is concerned, it's filled with a lot of extra parts (a lot of this being the Bella/Edward crap) that could've been cut out for a neater 90 minute film.  Some points:

  • The "romance" was creepy but to be fair to Twilight, I find "romance" in most films to be creepy if not contrived anyway.  This duder watches her sleep.  He follows her around.  EW.
  • The *only* reason he likes her is because he can't read her mind and he likes the way she smells.  She's his "heroin".  How romantic, a drug addict reference.
  • I love the song "Supermassive Black Hole."  I remember reading how the author was excited about it and that it'd be in a key scene.  It was used for a vampire baseball scene.  A stupid, useless scene.  Worst use of Muse ever.
  • These fuckers aren't real vampires.  Why didn't the dumb author just make them freaky immortals with powers?  There's nothing vampiry about them.
  • If it's not enough that these are "cheater vampires", some of these assholes even get extra powers!  Main guy can read minds and another one can see the future.  Smells like godmode to me.
  • What's more, all Cedric Diggory kept whining about was how he didn't want to make Bella into a "monster"?  What's exactly the downside to being a vampire here?  Money, other good looking vampires who adore you, eternal life, super strength, super speed, you don't have to kill people, you don't die in the sunlight, you never get ugly, you get possible extra super powers, and you're not bound to Satan from what I could tell.  You're even popular in high school!  Where's the fucking "monster" part?

Rama

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #1 on: Mar 30, 2009, 10:28:39 PM »
I've gone back and forth on renting this thing, but I know in the end it's just going to be a dumbed down emo version of Interview with the Vampire and that I'd be bored about 30 mins into it. Course this is coming from the guy who rented Punisher: War Zone. So it couldn't be worse then that flick. That thing was just downrigh painful to watch.

What's more, all Cedric Diggory kept whining about was how he didn't want to make Bella into a "monster"?  What's exactly the downside to being a vampire here?  Money, other good looking vampires who adore you, eternal life, super strength, super speed, you don't have to kill people, you don't die in the sunlight, you never get ugly, you get possible extra super powers, and you're not bound to Satan from what I could tell.  You're even popular in high school!  Where's the fucking "monster" part?

Yeah no kidding. I'd love to be a Vampire. It sounds fucking boss!

B E C K

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #2 on: Mar 31, 2009, 12:15:33 PM »
Don't you have satellite or something?  Maybe just wait for it to come out there?

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #3 on: Mar 31, 2009, 12:19:35 PM »
A couple of my friends read the books and said they were awful, but they couldn't stop reading them.  I wouldn't go out of my way to see this, but if a friend had it at their house and we were bored then maybe...
The wife forgave the mistress for she only entertained.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #4 on: Mar 31, 2009, 12:43:53 PM »
I refuse to see this purported shitfest  on anything  other than cable.

Rama

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #5 on: Mar 31, 2009, 01:12:55 PM »
Don't you have satellite or something?  Maybe just wait for it to come out there?

Yeah I do, but I don't like to watch movies on it unless it's off like IFC or TCM or something. I can't stand commericals during a flick.

Bernie AKA

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #6 on: Mar 31, 2009, 03:22:14 PM »
The author is a good storyteller, but a horrible writer.  You'll have to subject yourself to one of the books to see what I mean.

Then again, she's suckin' back cosmos and riding in limos to premieres and I'm in a dull beige office.... :-\
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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #7 on: Apr 01, 2009, 12:15:15 AM »
Yeah...see I think I'm going to follow her plan instead of yours. No offense.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #8 on: Apr 01, 2009, 09:08:40 AM »
Hey, as soon as I can think of a gimmick that will get 50 zillion fangirls swooning, I'm there with you.   Vampires have been done to death, no pun intended, so it has to be something else unworldly so there's no pressure to try and "make it happen" IRL.  Has to have lots of characters, each with his/her own flavor of angst, has to have slashable elements to appeal to the broadest markets possible, but not obvious enough for the helicopter parents to forbid the books....

Angels, maybe?  Not quite Anne Rice ones, but not Earthian either. Ooh, think of the bookstore protests at the signings!  ;D

And Stephenie Meyer write in soundbites.  Tailor-made for those whose primary reading material is text messages.  It bugs the living shit out of people like me who love tangling up in an orgy of verbage, but it was marketing genius.
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Rama

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #9 on: Apr 01, 2009, 01:56:29 PM »
Oh thinking up gimmicks isn't hard, it's turning them into actual readable material that I find difficult. procrastination + perfectionism="And I still don't have this thing done."

You really wouldn't have to come up with anything new, but just something that hasn't been done in the awhile. I bet you could pull anything from like the late 70s up to the early 90s back out and people would think it was fresh and new. I mean that's what let that guy that wrote Eragon totally rip off St*r WarzzZZ yet still have a best seller.

And I've never read any of her stuff, but I might have to just to see what you are talking about.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #10 on: Apr 06, 2009, 02:15:04 PM »
I just saw "Let The Right One In" and realized those crappy Twilight vampires don't have to even be invited in.  They don't even need to sleep.  They're cheater vampires.

Quote from: Bernie
Hey, as soon as I can think of a gimmick that will get 50 zillion fangirls swooning, I'm there with you.   Vampires have been done to death, no pun intended, so it has to be something else unworldly so there's no pressure to try and "make it happen" IRL.

What about:
Cowboys with powers.  Young Guns for a whole new generation!
Sassy demon pirates.  Like Pirates of the Caribbean except everyone looks kinda gay.
Rockstar knights.  They sing, they joust!
Robot boyfriends who dress like they live in the 70's.
Pouty alien supermodels.  Work the camera, then blast it with a fireball.
Emo monster-trainers.  The girls will swoon for the emo dudes and think the beasties are oh-so-cute.
Stripping supercops.  "Ma'am you are under arrest..."  *cue thumping beatz*
Zombie pop idols.  He's dead but he's also famous!
I love escargot!  Is that so wrong?

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #11 on: Apr 06, 2009, 02:38:59 PM »
feature=channel

:lol:
I love escargot!  Is that so wrong?

Rama

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #12 on: Apr 06, 2009, 11:46:04 PM »
You know...Cowboys with Superpower doesn't sound half bad.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #13 on: Apr 07, 2009, 01:21:36 AM »
With the way things have been going lately that's what the Jonah Hex movie will end up being.

I shouldn't even joke.

Rama

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #14 on: Apr 07, 2009, 10:41:59 AM »
Hey...it was a comic, and people think that all comic heroes have super powers. Really movie executives know best.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #15 on: Apr 07, 2009, 12:20:42 PM »
I can just see Hex breathing fire out that hole in his face and firing bullets from his fingertips.

Also, due to the fact that he shares a first name with the title character, the casting director picks Jonah Hill for the lead role.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #16 on: Apr 07, 2009, 01:48:35 PM »
In a world where Seth Rogan is the Green Hornet anything is possible.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #17 on: Apr 07, 2009, 03:14:43 PM »
Quote
Zombie pop idols.  He's dead but he's also famous!

Rama's right.  This was done on an ABC movie called Song of the Succubus.  :laugh:
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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #18 on: Apr 07, 2009, 04:11:36 PM »
In a world where Seth Rogan is the Green Hornet anything is possible.

Stephen Chow as Kato? Bwahahaha! Trainwreck!

Everyone knows it should have been Bill Hader.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #19 on: Apr 07, 2009, 07:20:10 PM »
Course this is coming from the guy who rented Punisher: War Zone.

That's the new Punisher movie that came out last Christmas, right? God damn, it's out on DVD already? Has it really been that long since Christmas? I just saw The Day the Earth Stood Still on DVD and couldn't believe that much time has flown by.

How was punisher? The trailers looked like it was an enjoyable orgy of blood and bullets and uberviolence, but I never did get out to a theater to see it.


And teen girls have no taste in anything.... Twilight's shitty like anything they're into. Put any kind of dreamy guys, whether it be boy band guys or vampire pussies, and no matter how hard it sucks, the 14 year old level of female hormones will destroy any logic and common sense in their angst-ridden brains and cause them to enjoy it.
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Rama

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #20 on: Apr 07, 2009, 11:36:25 PM »
That's the new Punisher movie that came out last Christmas, right? God damn, it's out on DVD already? Has it really been that long since Christmas? I just saw The Day the Earth Stood Still on DVD and couldn't believe that much time has flown by.

How was punisher? The trailers looked like it was an enjoyable orgy of blood and bullets and uberviolence, but I never did get out to a theater to see it.

If that's all you want out of then you'd like it since that's pretty much all you get.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #21 on: Apr 09, 2009, 12:28:57 AM »
Warzone was practically a cartoon -- everything about it was over-the-top and ridiculous. When I first heard about it I assumed it would take a more serious tone à la Punisher MAX, but it was the exact opposite.

Now we have three shitty Frank Castle movies.

Rama

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #22 on: Apr 09, 2009, 12:51:02 AM »
The middle one wasn't bad...it just wasn't great either.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #23 on: Apr 09, 2009, 01:01:11 AM »
Honesty time!

I've never even seen the first one, but Dolph's the star, so that's the end of that.

The second one I've only seen bits and pieces, but Travolta is awful and Thomas Jane doesn't even come close to having the right physique for the character.

And that's probably the only thing they got right in Warzone --  the guy kinda looks like the Punisher. I think that must have been their only reason for making the movie.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #24 on: Apr 09, 2009, 01:05:39 AM »
We the thing that is burned into my brain from the first one is Dolph sitting buck naked and burning his wounds closed. I've seen it, but it's been a long time.

Travolta was pretty weak in the movie. Proably the weakest part of the whole movie.

And Yeah that dude did look the part. And Domic West did look like Jigsaw, even if I found him more annoying then scary. And Wayne Knight must have been hard up for cash. Seinfield and Space Jam royalties must be running thin these days.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #25 on: Apr 09, 2009, 01:15:40 AM »
Oh, fuck. As soon as I saw Newman the movie just fell to pieces. I was waiting for a dinosaur to show up and gob in his face.

And what was with the reformed Latino gangbanger? Were they seriously trying to pull our heartstrings with that shit? Godawful.

Rama

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #26 on: Apr 09, 2009, 01:23:45 AM »
And I never understood what was up with the Cop that ran then "Punisher" section of the police. I mean I kept expecting him to be important to the plot in some way, but other then unlocking his handcuffs you didn't even need him.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #27 on: Apr 11, 2009, 01:57:59 PM »
There's three punishers?

I only knew of the one out in 2004 or so, which I heard sucked horribly. I was hoping Warzone would be an improvement.


Seriously, sometimes I want a movie that is nothing BUT lots of very bloody violence, no angst, no shitty dialog, no fake-ass romance that's just an excuse to get your hero in a sex scene with Miss California, no long talking scenes, just people getting turned into swiss cheese with autos.

At least one of the trailers for Warzone looked like it would be exactly that. 90 minutes of mindless death and violence.
I like to go down to the playground and watch the kids run and jump and scream, because they don't know I'm only using blanks.

Modern anime is a stagnant cesspool of regurgitated ideas.

Rama

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #28 on: Apr 12, 2009, 01:45:12 AM »
The Punisher (1989)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098141/

The Punisher (2004)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330793/

Punisher: War Zone (2008)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450314/

Out of the three I find the 2004 one to be the least shitty.

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Re: Finally saw "Twilight".
« Reply #29 on: Apr 13, 2009, 12:04:17 PM »
I never could take Punisher seriously.  Probably why I liked Ennis' Welcome Back Frank so well.
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