Author Topic: The Ballad of Tom's Spring Break. (Read 4633 times)

Derrick · « **on:** Mar 19, 2007, 12:08:13 PM »

Chapter One - Savannah

Me and Kary are drafted into transporting her cat north to Savannah from Miami because her Dad and his new girlfriend are expecting (Jesus freaks who engage in premarital sex? And who chastise me and Kary for living together? Yeah) So they don't want the cat around, so her Dad wants to send it up there. Why is it so wierd? He told Kary's brother that he would take the cat personally, and instead farms it out to us with the prospect of driving a rental car. Hehehehehehehehehe.

Anyways, we left Saturday to drive north along I-95. Kary takes the cat out of the carrier, he sleeps between us the entire trip. It goes fun. Now why the fuck am I telling you this? The ride home. Kary's upset because she loves the cat and doesn't want the cat to be taken all the way up there, so after crying and then napping several times, it's an uneventful trip. When we get to Miami after 8 hours of driving, shit happens.

First, at 12am, we get stuck in traffic around a construction site. It was fucked up. But then when we reached the toll plaza near FIU some wierd shit happened. We saw a car accident, so to help, I made a gif.

This asshole black SUV comes on my ass, tailing me approaching the Toll Plaza, which is about a mile away. Nonetheless, this has happened all night, so I say fucking douchebag, or something like this. Anyways I honk, and it's the first time in my Silver Dodge Cobalt I have, and the horn sounded really gay. Me and Kary joked, until we saw the black SUV that caused the humor do the 'Miami turn' which led it to sweep from the right-most lane to go to the left-most, which caused the dark green SUV in fron of us by 4-5 car-lengths to hit it, pushing the car away towards the side.

I saw the red lights just flash accross the lanes. Then I saw something black pop out into the road ahead of me. It looked like a fucking body. x.x I slammed on my breaks (silver car) to stop, knowing that if it was a body, I should protect it with the rental car so no one runs it over. Thankfully it was a bumper, so I moved around it, to see asshole SUV's passangers all freaked out (they jumped out of their car) and their car totalled. Fucking Karma.

All I saw of the dark Green SUV was that their front end was squinched and there was a large plume of smoke coming from it. Fucking A. Today me and Kary are heading over to an Island to relax and do nothing over the break. We look forward to it, but hopefully there will not be a chapter 2.

IDE · « **Reply #1 on:** Mar 19, 2007, 02:41:35 PM »

Quote

This asshole black SUV comes on my ass

But you should be used to that by now

B E C K · « **Reply #2 on:** Mar 19, 2007, 07:36:29 PM »

What was this about pegging now?

Derrick · « **Reply #3 on:** Mar 19, 2007, 10:16:15 PM »

Chapter 1b

I forgot to tell you that on the way home, we went to a Dave and Busters in Jacksonville. The food wasn't too good, but something awesome happened. As we played, I won one on machine 100 tickets. Win right? As I am collecting, Kary walks to a spinny wheel and spins it. SHE FUCKING WINS 1,000 TICKETS 2 SECONDS AFTER I WON !00! After being emasculated, we went off and played some more.

I am so proud of her! ^_^

B E C K · « **Reply #4 on:** Mar 19, 2007, 10:58:56 PM »

Attaboy.

Derrick · « **Reply #5 on:** Mar 19, 2007, 11:02:57 PM »

If she continues being so lucky, we might be able to get a Vespa!

Wickedly Yours E · « **Reply #6 on:** Mar 20, 2007, 08:21:16 AM »

She's a keeper!

Derrick · « **Reply #7 on:** Mar 21, 2007, 07:03:26 PM »

Chapter 2 - The green sequinned demon.

After several days enjoying ourselves, we've come to question a conundrum of life. The Man-Thong.

What the hell is the point of this other than attracting Charlie Crist to your asshole? Bad enough we have to endure the horror of banana hammocks, but now they are wearing melon slicers?! It's the worst thing ever on a muscular man, but muscular men never wear this. It's always a slightly fat dude with pimply asscheeks and a tuft of hair above the crack.

Now today was the worst one ever. At a house party with a kickass pool dug into the sand with some rubber thing to keep the water in, we saw this shiny green thing shining on the porch. And this guy is walking around like nothing is wrong, even though I could clearly see balls.

Now if you think I am gay for looking, fuck you, you were not there. When something is that shiny and neon green, you cannot help but look. As we walked away from this horror, we could do nothing but laugh as he put on a leather jacket (but no pants) and walked over to his motorcycle. There were alot of women there, but I think he was homosexual.

x.x I hate people.

IDE · « **Reply #8 on:** Mar 21, 2007, 07:44:55 PM »

you're gay, not for the initial look but for following him with your gaze as he donned his jacket and road off on the bike.

Derrick · « **Reply #9 on:** Mar 21, 2007, 09:05:00 PM »

It pointed at me ;.;

Wickedly Yours E · « **Reply #10 on:** Mar 21, 2007, 09:24:50 PM »

Did Kary Like it?

Derrick · « **Reply #11 on:** Mar 21, 2007, 09:29:51 PM »

As I said, he was not a piece of anything but fat with a few hairs and some zits. She was laughing quite audibly while I was freaked out. She prefers men in board shorts.

B E C K · « **Reply #12 on:** Mar 21, 2007, 11:56:11 PM »

So what happened to cat?

Quote

She prefers men in board shorts.

I like to think most sane people do, including other men.

Derrick · « **Reply #13 on:** Mar 22, 2007, 12:15:10 AM »

He's a Georgian now.

And I know I do. Man-Thongs should be illegal. How can they be legal, but weed can get you nicked?

B E C K · « **Reply #14 on:** Mar 22, 2007, 12:31:49 AM »

The world is full of absurdities. Not that I mind because weed smells sick. But I suppose I'd rather have a stomachache than see two dancing testicles.