How dare you slander us? How dare you portray us as insufficient at our beloved jobs, so that you may glorify yourself in comparison to the straw man caricature you have made of the cool crew and its members? I am here to tell you right now that we will not stand for this; the cool crew and its members unanimously declare to you and all others like you that aggression and personal attacks at or about the work place will not be tolerated, and you will not succeed in building yourself by knocking your co-workers down.
The cool crew is a valuable asset to our common place of business, and its members work every bit as hard—if not harder than—yourself and those you have portrayed positively by virtue of their associations with you. In the span of our existence not only have we performed an exemplary service to the customers and assisted our fellow co-workers in their duties, but we have also, by virtue of the attraction and promotional vigor that naturally accompanies crews of our caliber, succeeded in luring new customers to our fine establishment.
What person would not want to have their fish fried by a bona-fide member of the cool crew? A crazy person, that’s who. And our beloved employer, though committed to the health and welfare of the mentally ill, cannot reasonably be expected to provide for their needs for seafood, nor its accompaniments. Summarily I demand once again on behalf of the cool crew that I represent, that you cease and desist your attack on our organization and members.
