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Topics - Bernie AKA

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / BWAHA!! Puppy Revenge!!
« on: Sep 09, 2004, 12:48:31 PM »
PENSACOLA, Florida (AP) -- Nice shootin', Rex!

A man who tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the dogs put its paw on the revolver's trigger.

Jerry Allen Bradford, 37, was charged with felony animal cruelty, the Escambia County Sheriff's Office said Wednesday. He was being treated at a hospital for a gunshot wound to his wrist.

Bradford said he decided to shoot the 3-month-old shepherd-mix dogs in the head because he couldn't find them a home, according to the sheriff's office.

On Monday, Bradford was holding two puppies -- one in his arms and another in his left hand -- when the dog in his hand wiggled and put its paw on the trigger of the .38-caliber revolver. The gun then discharged, the sheriff's report said.

Deputies found three of the puppies in a shallow grave outside Bradford's home, said sheriff's Sgt. Ted Roy.

The other four appeared to be in good health and were taken by Escambia County Animal Control, which planned to make them available for adoption.

 :lol: !!!!


Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Gotta love the media
« on: Sep 08, 2004, 09:56:34 AM »
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far   during  the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

  1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

  2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

  3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

  4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries,  and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

  5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

  6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

  7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

  8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere.  It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

  9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh   my God, what have I just said?"

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Best Bushism in a while
« on: Sep 07, 2004, 01:48:36 PM »
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."-Sept. 6, 2004, Poplar Bluff, Mo

At a Gynecologists for Bush rally, no doubt.  :P  

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / These folks got GUTS!
« on: Sep 07, 2004, 10:05:28 AM »

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Fun in NYC!
« on: Aug 30, 2004, 10:15:27 AM »
Man, I would have loved to been there!!  :lol:

One man wore a shirt that read "I'll Mess With Texas." A woman held a sign which said 'Yee-ha Is Not Foreign Policy.' One elderly man raised a placard asking "Whose Taxes Would Jesus Cut?" A young woman grinned as she hoisted a cardboard poster which demanded "Pull Out Like Your Father Should Have!" Another solemn-faced woman grasped one which stated: "Bring My Son Home."

The first ten blocks resembled more of a raucous political street party than anything else: Code Pink, a women's social justice group stopped at virtually every block to perform a well-choreographed dance routine as they chanted anti-Bush slogans; a head-bobbing group of teenage activists co-opted the hit Ludacris hip-hop song "Move Bitch" and began rapping "Move Bush! Get Out The Way!"

This guy rules.  Eighty and marching in 90+ degree heat.
Meanwhile, as police helicopters pounded overhead and a corner of Madison Square Garden's coliseum appeared in the distance, 80-year-old Phillip Miller trudged along slowly and deliberately in his full U.S. Army First Cavalry regiment uniform. "Well, I'm here to protest the war," he said. "The same unit I fought with in World War II is fighting in Iraq. If this thing isn't stopped, it's going to be never-ending."

This doesn't surprise me....
Some of the demonstrators after the march headed for Times Square to pay a visit to the Republican delegates, who were attending Broadway shows as guests of The New York Times. Traffic was at a standstill for many blocks in the theater district, and police conducted large-scale arbitrary arrests of large groups without warning, catching protesters, bystanders, legal observers and some members of the press in their nets.

The Korean Alliance for Peace and Justice, from Los Angeles, which advocates for an end to U.S. presence in Korea and Iraq, formed a circle in front of the barricade and began playing the drums they were carrying, and some protestors stopped to dance. 21-year-old Cornelius (last name not given), wearing a hand-written "Baboons For Bush" shirt, doled out bananas to curious onlookers. "I'm voting for Bush, because I'm a baboon, and he's one of us," he chortled.


"It is the responsibility of every political conservative, every evangelical Christian, every pro-life Catholic, every traditional Jew...to get serious about re-electing President Bush."
- Jerry Falwell, The New York Times, July 16, 2004

"I think George Bush is going to win in a walk. I really believe I'm hearing from the Lord it's going to be like a blowout election in 2004. The Lord has just blessed him.... It doesn't make any difference what he does, good or bad."
- Pat Robertson, AP/Fox News, January 2, 2004

Alright, everybody who can, vote.  PLEASE vote!! This has gone past being funny or annoying.  This is dangerous.

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Good News/Bad News
« on: Aug 18, 2004, 09:21:42 AM »
Good news: I won a $1000 online Best Buy shopping spree from one of the companies I represent!!  :D   :D

Bad news: It ALL has to be merchandise.  I had a whole page of anime DVDs before I found out.  <_<

Eh, I'll suffer with the merchandise. ;)  And I'll post a picture taken with the new camera.

Of course, this totally screws my luck on the Mega Millions lottery for life.

I was looking for a site to contribute to the reward offered in Sacramento for the butt dripping who doused a kitten with lighter fluid & set it on fire, but found this instead

Liberty, Mo. Clay County authorities have dismissed a criminal charge against a Liberty man accused of burning a kitten in a barbecue grill.

Charles C. Benoit, 24, had been charged with animal abuse for allegedly placing the 7-week-old kitten in burning coals of a grill at his apartment complex.

Another resident of the complex saved the kitten, which later was euthanized when a veterinarian determined the animal had a congenital malformation of its chest.

Benoit had pleaded innocent to the felony charge, and his trial had been scheduled to begin Monday.

Clay County Prosecutor Don Norris said a witness on Friday was unable to recall key aspects of the case during a deposition session.

"Our eyewitness said she has no memory of any occurrence with a cat at her apartment complex that night," Norris said. "Additionally, medical testimony indicated that while the 7-week-old kitten had been exposed to a heat source, it did not appear injured."

Benoit remained in the Clay County Jail on Friday because of outstanding warrants from other jurisdictions.

Norris said his office was "frustrated with our inability to prosecute someone for this outrageous crime. I am very disappointed because a significant amount of resources had been expended in this case."

Although the kitten's whiskers had been burned off, there was no evidence the cat had been scorched, according to the veterinarian who examined the animal after the incident.

Benoit lived at an apartment complex where another resident, Sherry Scott, told authorities in July that 10 or 12 people had been barbecuing on a grill in the complex's courtyard and that someone had shoved a stray kitten into the coals.

Scott said she pulled the cat, whom she named Lucky, out of the grill. Scott and another resident tried to nurse the kitten back to health by feeding it milk with an eye dropper, but the animal could not swallow.

News reports of the incident sparked widespread response from organizations, including the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. The animal rights group offered a $1,000 reward for information about the incident.

Martin Mersereau, a cruelty caseworker for the organization, said Friday he was concerned about the decision to dismiss the charge.

"We have a ... burned kitten and a witness who has received death threats," Mersereau said. "If they can't make a case against ... whoever did this, the community has a lot to worry about. Statistically, these cowards will eventually move on to people."

I would have shoved that pinworm's face down on the grill or picked it up and slammed it into his head and proudly worn the burn scars for life.  My ex found someone abusing a cat once, got him in a headlock and slowly pulled his dangly earring down through the lobe.  Whatever happened between us, I will always love and respect him for that.


If anyone cares anymore.... :mellow:  

Alright, let me preceed this with a little info.  My agency handles millions of dollars in business every day.  We write a metric shitload of Houston's biggest & wealthiest corporations and have a showplace of an office with marble floors in the entrance, conference room with mega-skyline view on the 19th floor, etc, with frequent visits from clients and company representatives.  I think the youngest person employed out of about 200 is the mail guy, and he's 22.  IOW, all the women here are older and presumably adults.

Or are they?  E-memo just received from HR:

At the request of your co-workers it's time for another discussion on the proper use of the ladies restroom.  When you have to use the restroom, please treat our restrooms as you would the bathrooms in your home - we want our restrooms to be nice and not like the ones in Wal-Mart, Target or Sears!   These restrooms are not only used by our employees, but clients and visitors as well.  First impressions!   Here are a few general rules for bathroom etiquette.

1.  Please clean up after yourselves.  By that I mean, if you use one of the toilet seat covers, make sure you flush it!

2.  Make sure you turn around and look in the toilet when you flush.  Everything should go down.  If not, flush again.  Nobody likes to see "floaters".

3.  If your "Aunt" has come to visit, please make sure if you dribble anything on the toilet seat, on the floor, or the wall (don't ask), please clean it up......

4.  If you need assistance, sit and wait for someone to come in and ask for help.  We are all at some time or another, in need of assistance.

5.  If for some reason the toilet backs-up, please let us know.  We will call maintenance.

6.  Please wash your hands before leaving.........

Lastly, none of us like to go into the ladies room and see these things.  It is very disgusting and very inappropriate.  We certainly want to project an adult image.  I hope I did not offend anyone, but sometimes these things need to be said.  It is each and every persons' responsibility to pick up and clean up after themselves.  Thank you for listening and should you have any suggestions, please let your HR department know.

I added the following, from personal experience:

I'd like to add one point pursuant to the 19th floor:  the last stall does not lock properly, no matter what one does.  If the stall is closed, please take a moment to look under the door, or if bending is difficult for some reason, please knock before just yanking the door open.

After this, I'm screaming if it happens again.  :angry:



Benefits producer who makes at least 150K is wandering around in the vicinity of one of our fax machines.  I walk up, put my fax in & start dialing.

Him: Hey...you mean you can dial a fax before the other one comes back?

Me: Um...yeah.  It has storage memory.

Him:  Oh, WOW!  That's great!!  Just dial nine like usual?

Me: Yep!

I return for my confirmation & see he's faxed a credit card number for reservations in Belize for a week.

So why is this dipshit rich & going to Belize & I'm not?  :angry:  

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Snarkalicious LIVES!!
« on: Aug 05, 2004, 03:51:28 PM »
Just got this in my mail box!  :lol:

Hibernia's Birthday
From the Calendar of snarkalicious Date: Thursday August 12, 2004
Time: All Day
Repeat: This event repeats every year.
Type: Birthday  (Private)  
Reminder: There is a reminder set for 7 days before this event.
DAMN, it's hot today!

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / So how's the weather?
« on: Aug 02, 2004, 02:58:24 PM »
I HATE this time of year.... :angry:

Temp. 96 degrees F

Humidity 71%

Heat Index 105 degrees F

And my car is almost out of freon, so I'm only using A/C when I'm not driving down tree-lined streets.

At least, no reddened he-boobies flopping about like walrus jowls yet. :x


Awaiting my order before I go home in an hour.

Stuffed grape leaves
Hummus with pita bread
Baba Ghanouj
and Tabouli salad :D

I also get 2 falafels, but I give those to Eddie or throw them for the dogs to chase.

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Amusing Bumper Stickers
« on: Jul 30, 2004, 03:13:55 PM »
"Hamsters For Kerry!"

"I'd rather be shoved by Teresa than fucked by Cheney"

"More swallows mean fewer storks!"

"I molested your honor student"

"Your honor student fucked up my McDonald's order"

"Guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O'Donnel fat"

Forgot one - I did see this one last week:

"Dubya belives in abstinence - lucky Laura!"

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