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Topics - Bernie AKA

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Pharm spam removed
« on: Mar 22, 2010, 08:52:22 AM »
Sorry stellapete, one prescription pontificator per board is plenty and we already have Derrick.  ;D 

Sorry; I was a bit drunk busy. Finally I can access the forum from work again. :poo:

Let me preface this by saying that Eddie & I are perfectly happy; nothing wrong, etc. Nothin' gonna happen.  :nono:  But someone apparently has a crush on me and hey, I'm damn flattered.  He's a server at a restaurant I frequent and we clicked immediately.  6'3", fucking gorgeous Hispanic guy, all onyx and smoky topaz coloring with liquid midnight eyes.  Got the crush news from two sources, male & female, so I'm not doubting.  It's just that he's....



Hey, how about that Sidney Crosby OT goal in the Gold Medal game??!! ;D

Dammit.... he's...uh, twenty-one.


Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / IT'S SNOWING HERE!!!!
« on: Dec 04, 2009, 12:54:03 PM »
Yeah, yeah - everyone in colder climes laugh.  It's a freaking miracle in these parts.  And we won't be sweating our wool & velvet-clad asses off tomorrow at Dickens on the Strand in Galveston.  :poo:

Happy birthday to Merla & Sam and anyone else I missed.  Apologies - not only am I now banned from RIAS at work as it's deemed a social site, but one of my dearest friends/coworkers finally lost the good fight with her H1N1/pneumonia-weakened bad lungs on Saturday.  It had been a long haul, and I'm glad she's out of pain.  I know how she would have breezed in the door this morning: "Holy SHIT it's SNOWING!!"   Called our 6'4"  UT football hero president a dumbass probably every day and he was crying so hard he couldn't finish the eulogy Wednesday.  I love people like that.  ;D

Now 'scuse me while I make another absinthe and catch up on Suited Rabbit Land.

About time y'all got some of our infernal precipitation.  It rains here pretty much every day.  Our house gets hammered about every 3 days because we're not too far from downtown and Gulf moisture combined with superheated concrete canyon air makes for a mess.  We finally coughed up about $3K this year to put drains in the back yard since we were tired of it always being half underwater because of everyone around us building giant houses that take up all the former permeable yard.

It's gotten to the point where I really hate rain, and I used to love it.  But we don't get normal summer showers - it's either no rain at all or psycho killer clown rain that tries to get in the house like a drunk ex.  :razz:

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / E's Birthday Thread!!!
« on: Aug 31, 2009, 01:34:14 PM »
I get here all ready to apologize for being a day late and I get to start the thread!!  :P

 :happybirthday: :bernie: :music: :nod:

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Oh, THIS is genius!
« on: Jul 01, 2009, 10:20:40 AM »
FDA advisers vote to take Vicodin, Percocet off market

Cool!  Two more things for drug smugglers to run across the border!  ::)  And now I guess my doctor can put me on something that's PURE narcotic, like Oxycotin!  I can't take Vicoprofen and I'm sorry FDA, but I have scoliosis - when I fuck up my back, it's FUCKED.  Baby aspirin and chamomile tea don't quite cut it.   Once again, countless lives get screwed up because some peckerheads can't read the directions on a bottle.  Hell, let 'em die and get their stupid asses out of the gene pool!  :goddammit:

What's the Easter Bunny's favorite music?  :joe:

Hip hop!

Yeah, like you didn't see that one before it popped the clutch.... :P


I heard footage from the Oscars was spliced in as they hadn't yet filmed the scene where Xavier first discovers Logan doing dinner theater in Ohio.

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Comcastrated again!!!
« on: Nov 07, 2008, 04:30:26 PM »
ATT service on 10/31 - $129 a month for landline, internet & satellite vs. $195 for phone & Comcast plus LOTS more channels - very happy.  Took all their shit back to the service center, of which they have 2, count'em two for the only cable company in town to serve a city of 5 million people, hence I got to stand in line for 45 minutes. Called today for the final bill, which is now higher than last month's.  The problem - the NHL Center Ice service, which we got 3 weeks off and are being charged for the entire thing through June 2009.  I slammed the phone down on the snarky twat "helping" me before I started cussing, called Eddie and told him to deal with it since he ordered the package.   :rawr:

Or maybe I'll buy this woman a plane ticket to Houston:

A 75-year-old Bristow, Va. woman has paid $345 as compensation for damages and is serving three months of probation, the result of her hammer attack on equipment in a Manassas, Va. Comcast Corp. office in August.

The consumer, Mona Shaw, said she took a hammer to the phone handsets and shoved a computer monitor off the counter after she failed to get a response by the company to her lack of phone service.

“I couldn’t think of another way to get their attention. I really couldn’t,” she said in an interview.

Shaw, a retired nurse, has a heart condition and was stressed and angered after what she said was a botched upgrade to a triple-play bundle. The subscriber said everything went wrong before she packed a hammer in her purse and went in person to the local office: the installer didn't come on the appointed day, Aug. 13, but two days later; the installation left them with incoming calls only; an attempt to remedy that left them with no service at all; an in-person visit to the Manassas office resulted in a two-hour wait, only to be told the supervisor she was waiting to see had gone home.

When a complaint to the Virginia state Corporations Commission did not elicit a response from Comcast, she packed her hardware, she said. She marched past a waiting line, started hitting things with her hammer and asked repeatedly, “Have I got your attention now?” The incident ended with Shaw’s arrest; she’s now barred from entering the local cable office.

That’s fine, she said. She has DirecTV now, and she’s returned to Verizon for phone service and has added digital-subscriber line service, she said. But some part of Comcast still thinks she's a customer: before a reporter's call on Oct. 10, she got a voice mail message thanking her for being a customer and advising her they planned to come to her place Oct. 11 "as part of her service contract,” she said, chuckling.

Yeah, just to annoy the LOLcat haters! :laugh:

No powet until next week probably, but the temps are 80's during the day and low 60's at night.  Can't wait to see the low electric bill next month!

Went through the storm fine, only to flood the next day because the damn media was so focused on Geraldo falling on his ass and how morons who didn't take this seriously didn't have no ice 'n' diapers that they FORGOT to advise that heavy rain bands were on the way and the bayou 2 miles from us had crested.  Our high slab saved us again, plus us scooping water up into buckets and throwing it our open windows for almost 2 hours - water in the utility alcove and front study (enclosed porch) which are lower than the rest of the house.  Bunch of 1970's comics ruined, plus damage to my baby book, my mom's baby book from 1927 and my grandparent's photo album from the 20's.   I may do an art project with the half-destroyed items, and try to get it shown before everyone else's project with Ike salvage does.

Alicia in 1983 started about 6 AM; eye went over around 8:30 and we were done by 11.   We started getting winds from Ike around midnight Friday, and it screamed until almost noon Saturday.  No eye.  Eddie was on the sofa and I was on the floor in the living room on the guest room futon because two huge pine trees in the neighbor's yard loom over the bedroom.   LR windows boarded up.  I don't know how he slept during part of it, but he did.  Bitch.  :razz:

The gigantic 90+ year old pecan tree in my brother's front yard fell into the street.  T'other way, and I might be attending a funeral.  Nephew got poison ivy in his eyes during cleanup and literally can't see because they're so swollen, but Apple has unlimited sick leave, so he's resting up at home, not scaring the customers.

Wore my hair up the first day back at work yesterday and got called "Sarah" twice.  Apparently dark red hair and large rectangular glasses = Palin.  ::) Didn't say a word; just looked - both parties did what in a comic would translate to an audible *gulp* and assured me they were just kidding, so I apparently channeled Gwendal and Integra with a little Joe from Gatchaman thrown in for good measure.   >:D

Have to admit - the benefits of being the elite associating with Those Who Are Fanatically Republican are pretty damned seductive.  In Texas, the big three Rep bedfellows are insurance (me) Big Oil (Eddie) & construction.  Amused to find that the same running election year joke is in his office as well - "Remember, 'Republican' and 'Raise' both begin with 'R'!"  Wait in line for gas?  Not us, when the owner of Eddie's company pulled strings to arrange for a 1000-gallon tanker in the parking lot!  Wait in line for ice?  Pffft...my company is having 20-lb bags delivered for us tomorrow.  All free.  Not that we'll need it for long - anyone without powet after the weekend gets a free generator from Eddie's company for as long as necessary. :) Also, a huge Hurricane Recovery party is being hosted Saturday afternoon (before city curfew!) at a lovely hotel this weekend for the employees and Eddie has heard that some GOP bigwig (George Sr.? SQUEAL!!!) will be on hand plus plenty of McCain/Palin material.  Forty acres....and a MULE??  :laugh:


There are 1 or fewer people with my name in the U.S.A.  :raiseeyebrow:

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Awwww....
« on: Sep 02, 2008, 02:16:27 PM »

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Gustav is on the way!
« on: Aug 26, 2008, 03:55:22 PM »
Oil prices are already on the rise - fill up now! :scared: Time for the Spam and Bottled Water Destruction Derby in Houston stores!

This damn thing best not land on Monday.  If I'm going to have to stay late every day afterwards handling claims, I'd better get a day off out of the deal.  >:(

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Whoops!!!
« on: Aug 14, 2008, 12:49:55 PM »
Happy August 10 birthday to Brian Drummond!


While his wife is fighting cancer.  Asshole to the infinitive.  :finger: Besides the betrayal, how motherfucking STUPID with all of the other public figures caught with pants in every conceivable juxtaposition to themselves can you get?

Eddie comes home on Friday exuberant as he has been picked to go to Baton Rouge next week and solve a client problem; quite a coup for someone with the company only since August.  He is running around the yard with the dogs, and I have what I call my useless pregognation; that creepy feeling that this will not go well.  I'm standing on the deck with a glass of wine, and they stop after about 10 minutes to catch their breath.  Eddie takes off his shoes, and I figure the capering has stopped since it's time to feed the dogs and running in our yard barefooted with all the pine cones would be very foolish.


A few minutes later, Eddie comes limping in, dripping blood.  He has somehow managed to catch the big toenail of his left foot on the edge of the deck in a stumble and has ripped fully half of it off.  He can hardly breathe for the pain.  Thanking all the gods for whatever in my genetic makeup that has left me devoid of a squick gene in such situations, I get him to the bathroom and under running warm water, flush the mangled appendage, squirt Neosporin and canker sore gel into the spongy wound, the latter to try and numb the pain, and run to Walgreens for a toe splint.  I dress the poor toe upon my return, get him into bed, assuring him that it wouldn't hurt as badly tomorrow, and give him a Vicodin.  Two hours later, he's a bit philosophical, but the pain hasn't lessened a bit.  I respond with two Percogesic, and he goes to sleep for about 3 hours, waking at about 1 for more drugs.

He's in Baton Rouge now with an orthopedic shoe, antiseptic foam and dressings aplenty, and will probably have the rest of the toenail pulled off (under local anesthetic) on Friday.  No hockey and a goofy shoe for at least two weeks.

The moral:  wear your shoes outside! I'm going to have to sand blood stains off the deck!  >:(

Lemon yogurt
Flat sugar-free ginger ale
Dry toast
Peppermint tea

The very effective post-stomach flu miracle diet!  :keelover: Wipes out weeks of indulgence in 24 hours!

All kidding aside, wash your fluffy little paws and often, folks.  I had it Saturday night/Sunday, Eddie is home with it today, and the above is still all I can eat without getting queasy.  It has cornholed the office; at least 4 or 5 people out in every department.  :puke:

Happy birthday to everyone between October and now, congrats to Rama on the publication!  :headbang:  I'm not going to come on here and piss and moan, which is all I've felt like doing since then, career scores aside, so I've been absent due to not being in town and the following:

Went on a tour of my company's branches in Oregon, Dallas, Sacremento & San Antonio (only for a few hours, Nuri & Merla, and believe me I would rather have met you  :'( ) & got my promotion/raise/huge bonus - huzzah.  'Twill come in handy since Eddie's mother has been lying to us about going to the eye doctor for the past five years, giving the appointment money to Worthless Brother instead, and is now going blind from glaucoma & will need a companion for part of the week.  Disgust doesn't even begin to describe my feeling for this assclown.  Remember the guy who molested the toddler in Vegas and videotaped it a short while ago?  He looks just like Eddie's brother. Seriously.  :sick:

Two relatives, two co- workers (one each for Eddie & me) and one of the Houston Celtic community leaders have kicked the bucket.

One of our cats had to be put to sleep; possibly because of tainted Indoor Formula Meow Mix - the store couldn't care less.  Other cats wouldn't touch it.  Batch number is 7275TP080636.  I'm writing the company.

Didn't get the butthole who went around shooting cats in Galveston convicted despite many letters to the DA, but think he's left town.  Theatre preservation battle is not going well - looks like the landlord is going to let structural problems go unchecked, then pull a sad face in a few years and say he didn't have a choice due to the condition of the buildings.  Please, God, let me win the Powerball drawing and buy his daughter as a slave if I can't save the theatres....

On the plus side, Eddie & I renewed our wedding vows in a Victorian ceremony at Dickens on the Strand in Galveston last weekend.  A little more dramatic than the first time at the courthouse, considering the presence of the St. Thomas Pipe & Drum Corp and a faux Queen Victoria, though there ain't nothing wrong with Judge Dale from Animal Cops: Houston.

And finally, there are actually some decent Tin Man fanfics going around.  And the final DVD of Le Chevalier D'Eon will be on my doorstep next Wednesday. ;D

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Hey, Faye!
« on: Aug 16, 2007, 03:13:38 PM »
Everybody you know OK back home?  That was a nasty earthquake.


That's one helluva wand, Voldy.  Looks like he & Harry are about to roast some marshmallows.  And they did the "yokel wanders into picture" thing with Harry again. :stickdance:

Florida Republican state representative Bob Allen!!

Fear of the "pretty stocky black guy" who turned out to be an undercover cop made Florida state representative Bob Allen perform the actions that led to a charge of solicitation to commit prostitution, Allen told police in documents aired by the Orlando Sentinel.

Allen was arrested July 11 in a Titusville, Fla., public park restroom after he offered the officer $20 to let him perform oral sex, police said.

The charge, a second-degree misdemeanor, is punishable by a year in county jail and a $500 fine. Allen says he is innocent and that he will not resign from the legislature. He did resign late last month from the board of the Girls and Boys Town of Central Florida, cable TV station Central Florida News 13 reported.

He is scheduled to be arraigned August 23.

In a taped statement and other documents released last week, Allen, 48, told police that he was intimidated into offering sex.

"I certainly wasn't there to have sex with anybody and certainly wasn't there to exchange money for it," the Sentinel quoted him as saying.

Rather, he said, "this was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park," Allen said. He said he feared he "was about to be a statistic."

Titusville police told the Sentinel that they were investigating a nearby condo burglary when they saw a disheveled, unshaved man enter and leave the park restroom three times. They decided to send in Officer Danny Kavanaugh.

In a statement Kavanaugh said he was drying his hands in a stall when Allen peered—twice—over the stall door, then joined Kavanaugh inside.

"This is kind of a public place, isn't it?" Kavanaugh quoted Allen as saying, according to the Sentinel. Allen then suggested "going across the bridge; it's quieter over there."

When Allen was loaded into the patrol car, the statement said, he asked if "it would help" that he was a state legislator.

"No," the officer said.

Soon after taking office in 2001, Allen was one of 21 Florida legislators to sign Gov. Jeb Bush's friend-of-the-court brief supporting the state's ban on gays adopting children.

In March he cosponsored an unsuccessful bill that would have enhanced penalties for "offenses involving unnatural and lascivious acts," such as indecent exposure. (Barbara Wilcox, The Advocate)

No, judge, I'm not gay - I'm just a racist coward!  :laugh:

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Only in Texas....
« on: Jul 30, 2007, 12:47:33 PM »
Call us crazy, but practically everybody in Houston is in mourning for a consumer advocate named Marvin Zindler, a genuinely-nice person and world-famous for the following:

Though he was proudest of his work championing "the little guy" he was best known for stories he did a mere seven months after starting the job in 1973 that led to the closing of the state's best-known "bawdy house," as Zindler called it — a notorious La Grange brothel known as the Chicken Ranch.

The reports not only won him national notoriety but also a public thrashing by Fayette County Sheriff T.J. Flournoy, a Chicken House partisan, who broke two of Zindler's ribs and snatched his toupee, reportedly waving it in the air as if it were a prized enemy scalp.

Texas author Larry L. King wrote an article about it for Playboy magazine in 1974, which was turned into a long-running Broadway musical four years later and became a kitschy 1982 movie starring Dolly Parton, Burt Reynolds and Dom DeLuise. In "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas", DeLuise played a character based on Zindler, a vainglorious reporter who goes on a crusade to close the brothel.

The guy wore makeup all the time, had 18 plastic surgeries, over 300 hairpieces (most of them white), usually wore a white suit, and God help you if you did anyone wrong and he got wind of it, especially someone screwing over anyone poor or disabled.  He gave his last report from his hospital bed Saturday night, helping a guy get a social security card, and died Sunday.  Made over a million a year and lived in the same 1960's 4-bedroom house he & his wife raised their kids in.  Hollered so loud on his broadcasts that the sound engineers would turn down the volume when he did the Friday restaurant cleanliness review (fondly known as the Rat & Roach Report) right before he bellowed out "What did they have?  SLIIIIME IN THE ICE MACHINE!"

There are a couple of YouTubes with him - he has to be seen to be believed.  He's the reason I snort derisively when someone alludes to the likes of Dubya representing Texas.  RIP Marvin.  8)

Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Get Simpsonized!!
« on: Jul 27, 2007, 12:02:42 PM »
You'll need a clear color head shot with good contrast or it won't take - only picture I have up here has a dark background and won't work, even with cropping.  :razz:


There's a mystery movie trailer preview with no title and everyone is trying to figure out what it's for.   Some shitwit chick on the radio this morning said she'd heard it was either another Godzilla redo or Voltron, but had no idea what Voltron was.  ::)

This Year's Red, White and Blue Fourth of July in Houston Presents America's Largest Land-Based Fireworks Show and an Evening Chock-Full of Family Activities

During the first half of the week rain chances will be 80%

They've already moved the stage from its traditional site at a park to the three left lanes of the facing major thoroughfare because the ground is too saturated to support it.   That's going to make for some fun exit attempts when it's over.

I'm personally celebrating so many people going out of town and the light traffic, although their leaving on Friday brought out everybody's stupid. "I'm in ur turn lane, ignorin' the green light!"  :whack2:

So who's going to have a fun 4th with appropriate weather?

Please send me the link.  John was a major force in the Westheimer Street Festival for many years, and a lot of us here are in shock.  This is such horseshit - I never heard John insult anyone.  :'(


Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Okay, I give up.
« on: May 23, 2007, 09:39:48 AM »
Apparently, there really are Big Bowls of Stupid people can eat.   From dogster.com, I present our featured Looney Parent of the Day.  The concern?  Male dogs have....A PENIS!!!!!

They know their body parts, and that men are different, but they have not SEEN a man's parts. They know that men stand to tinkle and they are eduacated about good touches and bad touches. And I've told them that "it" is what he uses to tinkle and that it is not to be touched or examined in any way. My 9 year old understands and realizes that it is his private area but she still seems a little secretly curious. My 3 year old just has a mind of her own and will try to touch and figure things out for herself. And I have seen male dogs at the pet stores and dog parks.... I was uncomfortable so I stopped taking my girls anywhere that allows dogs. And none of our friends have male dogs. So if I rehomed him, the chances of them seeing another male dog is very slim to none. I don't want to rehome him, he is such a sweet boy. He gives no problems at all. No behavioral problems, no potty accidents, good temperament... that is my only concern. So rehome or maybe I can keep shorts on him at all times. What do you think?? 

Dump the dog with absolutely no problems or issues whatsoever other that possessing that horrible....THING, or put shorts on him. 

What's the opposite of penis envy?  Wonder if her husband's gotten any other that the 3 times it took to make the kidz, whom I predict will be putting a few shrinks into Caribbean vacation homes in the future.  :D


If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go run around in a circle holding my head screaming "EWEWEWEWEEEEEWWWW!!!!"   :x  

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