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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I farted on an illegal immigrant today...it felt good.

« on: Aug 14, 2013, 03:04:34 AM »

So I'm lactose intolerant. This doesn't really hurt me in any way but I could probably beat the devil in a farting contest. I mean like I can never get to that point in a relationship where it's ok to fart on/around the girl. It's just more than anyone can handle.

Anyways today I went into a restroom and ripped ass in there. Then I came out and I see this guy who I'd bet everything in my wallet is here illegally open the door and then make a "ugh" face and quickly close the door shaking his head. Then he looks at me and I tell him in english (which he probably didn't understand too well) "That's right buddy, drink in the deliciousness" and make wafting gestures towards him. He just looks at me like he wants to do something but his squat out of shape form is no match for my tallest of the children of iluvatar killing machine. So he just looks away cause we both know this is the only outcome...http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=F_J90B3il38&t=39.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I dove into the coins like scrooge McDuck

« on: Jun 17, 2013, 02:52:46 AM »

Literally they had a pile of cushion coins and the hat, the cheese, and scepter from Duck Tails NES. If the pics come out good I'll post them.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I'm auditioning to be Optimus Prime...

« on: Apr 13, 2012, 10:32:26 PM »

They say you can't be over 6'1"...I'm 6'2" so I hope there is a little leeway here.

They also say you can't be over 175 lbs...I'm 215 lbs, but I'm hoping that weight limit is just there to shut down fatties and not discriminate against aesthetically superior beings like myself.

April 22...it's on.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / KONY 2012

« on: Mar 07, 2012, 10:33:33 PM »

more like KANYE 2012 amirite

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / So some dumbass posted something about iphone 5 is made in a sweat shop...

« on: Jan 31, 2012, 03:23:39 AM »

Ya know I'm sick of people bitching about companies that use sweatshop labor. It isn't the company's fault that those fucking mongoloids treat each other like shit with no regard for human life. As if not using their labor would mean that they would somehow become civilized and stop being devolved shit bags.

Wanna do something about it? Go over there and kill everyone in powet and set up shop like the GERRRDD DERRRRNN URRRSSSSUUURRVVVAAAAAAYYY!

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I got fucked out of going out tonight by some weird chick

« on: Jan 01, 2012, 01:16:23 AM »

This year is beginning like shit and will herald in the end of days.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I don't need to sleep like you mortals...

« on: Dec 27, 2011, 09:45:28 PM »

even within this shell I still retain some divinity. I am more akin to the first born and require little rest.

And lembas bread helps.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I just did what can't be done...

« on: Dec 12, 2011, 07:10:16 PM »

Most guys my age become invisible to 18 yr old girls. Like they're a walking suit with floating glasses and nothing more in their eyes.

But not I, Asgard's favorite son needs not fame nor fortune to be seen by 18 yr old girls.

Today is a day that will live in infamy! 12/12

FOR I HAVE RETURNED TO THE PURE SOURCE!

18 YR OLD BERGINA!

http://poweroverwhelming.ytmnd.com/

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Is it good or bad to masturbate before going on a date?

« on: Nov 13, 2011, 08:34:49 PM »

Movies and Television say it's a good idea but now years later I begin to question their logic.

I mean it takes away some of that killer instinct that drives you to put on a show of being interested in the vapid ramblings issuing forth from her ignorant maw.

What do you think?

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / My chinese zodiac sign...

« on: Nov 07, 2011, 04:56:58 AM »

is the Fire Dragon.

None of you have one as good as that.

Of course everyone thinks I'm a water dog but that's because of my dragon persuasion powers and the fact that I've retained my might and strength of arms far longer than you wood rats and earth horses.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / In exchange for me posting this link to this amazing artwork...

« on: Oct 18, 2011, 01:11:20 PM »

you should give me back my editing powers and make me a moderator.

http://www.emptykingdom.com/main/featured/fab-ciraolos-old-school-heroes/

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / You're all going to die alone as I impregnate everyone else.

« on: Oct 12, 2011, 12:17:23 PM »

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1995/06/delayed-childbearing/5964/

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I hate the show "Whitney" and I haven't seen a single ep

« on: Sep 16, 2011, 02:39:34 AM »

I've seen billboards and watched the trailer and I can already tell that this another one of those shows where a chick does dumb shit that is only funny to other chicks.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / gwynn lets make out

« on: Aug 16, 2011, 07:32:43 PM »

quickly! while no one else is here!

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / BWARGGLGLLLNBBB<LELELEE!

« on: Aug 16, 2011, 06:13:40 AM »

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Who is the hidden user?

« on: Aug 03, 2011, 11:40:01 PM »

There's like 5 people that post here. Get over yourself!

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / IT WAS ALL MINE

« on: Jul 05, 2011, 02:54:47 AM »

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Failbook

« on: Jun 27, 2011, 04:13:23 PM »

Post about facebook in here.

My friend keeps putting these "clever" status updates up that he's stealing from online sites for cool status updates. This is retarded but what is MORE RETARDED is that chicks believe he's coming up with them on his own. Google it you stupid bitches! I don't know why this bothers me so much, and no it's not because I didn't think of it first.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I am about to bea

« on: Jun 23, 2011, 12:25:32 AM »

ya know what? Fuck you guys I'll post this at squirrels where high brow intellectual conversation is the standard.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I'm sorry but it must be said...

« on: May 29, 2011, 04:09:35 AM »

I fuck with the FURY OF THE HEAVENS! I refuse to believe that every fuckin nerd out there is also receiving accolades on his prowess in bed from strangers and enemies.

Sure your girlfriend is telling you about your ginormous cock and how you're the best she's ever had (when she's not fucking me behind your back). But I'm hearing this shit from girls I don't know, and even more poignant, girls who don't like my personality.

From the moment I lied to some girl about not being a virgin (even though I was) and banged her out on the sands of miami beach (while a homeless guy looked on in awe, his face alight with wonderment as if he'd opened up a treasure chest full of gold in a disney film) I have been rocking vagina in a manner more in accordance with the higher realms than that of this mundane plane. Further proof that this life cycle is some sort of vacation (unless 2012 is true) for me until I resume my mantle as battle master and wench lord supreme in Valhalla.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / FUCK

« on: May 11, 2011, 06:22:26 PM »

Dana Plato is dead!

I didn't even know! Now I can never bang her. My bucket list will never be complete!

A moment of silence please.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Good Job Egypt

« on: May 11, 2011, 12:10:37 AM »

Revolutions are only good when conducted by civilized people like my glorious ancestors.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / pfft feminists

« on: Apr 21, 2011, 03:41:24 AM »

My junk goes inside of your junk.

This makes me the boss of you.

Why is this so hard to understand?

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Bitches are RETARDED!

« on: Apr 11, 2011, 01:49:33 AM »

THis btich sent very clear signlas that she wanted to be plowed! NO W I LOOK THE LIKE THE PSCYOGH!

I"m NOT CRAZY BITCH BUT EVEN YOU ASSHOLES AS YOU READ THIS ARE PROBABLU THINIKING "OJH HES CRAZY!" BUT NO!

You;'re all fucking idiots!

I know what she did! I know the signals she sent! They werent freind signals! FU*CK YOU YA SSAASQUATCH 6 FOOT TALL BITCH! I WAS DOING U A FUCKING FAVOR!

I think what fuck ed this uo was that another friend of mine has laready fucke dher and stopped talking t her

BUT IM NOT HTAT GUY BABYY!!

I WOULD FUCK YOU AND KEEEEEPPP TALKING TO YAAAA!

ASHANMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAHSHASR

SHAZZZZZZZZZZZAMMM!

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Adventure Time and Regular Show

« on: Mar 24, 2011, 04:46:29 PM »

If you don't like these and you're involved in some sort of creative endeavor that isn't going anywhere. That is exactly why, and your failure is rightly deserved.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I will never post in the same thread twice

« on: Nov 05, 2010, 05:51:57 PM »

This way I can insult you and you will never have the satisfaction of making a comeback!

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Single Again...

« on: Oct 04, 2009, 01:43:04 AM »

well soon to be anyway.

She texted me that she wants to take a break, but I who have walked this road so many times know there is no such thing as taking a break. It's a mechanism we use to slowly get used to being single instead of it happening all at once.

Supposedly we're going to talk tonight. I think am going to surprise her by breaking it off right then.

I don't know whats wrong with me. It's like once the chase is over I become complacent and uncaring. But at the same time I want to have someone special. All of this womanizing has shattered my psyche seemingly irreparable. Oh well I have no one to blame but me. I think I'm starting to understand why vampires go mad as they trudge on through eternity.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I might get to play cobra commander

« on: Aug 02, 2009, 04:17:25 AM »

in the universal studios stage show.

This would be the highlight of my acting career thus far.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Everyone is hanging around MJ's star on hollywood blvd

« on: Jun 26, 2009, 10:57:57 PM »

They're selling RIP t shirts as well.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / The Path To Glory

« on: Mar 14, 2009, 01:37:06 AM »

I have left miami...FOREVER.

The president has been informed and is preparing to launch the nuclear strike as I type this.

Soon I will be in california starring in motion pictures and yelling at people like christian bale.