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Topics - Bitch

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / So I joined the Army.
« on: Dec 19, 2008, 10:59:42 AM »
Yeah, the Navy recruiter in Wichita was an asshole, so I joined the Army instead. I've actually been in BCT since November, so the two people who wondered where I was, I was in South Carolina learning how to be a man. Not much of a man, though - my battalion doesn't train people for combat MOS's, so my basic training is easier than most. I'm still not done with basic, but the Army decided to give everyone a break for the holidays, so I go back and finish in January.

Being home is really weird. I slept in until 6 this morning, and didn't have a set uniform. I wasn't fighting twenty girls to get to a sink so I could do my hair, and I wasn't making a bunk or putting on a uniform. I actually get to decide what I want for lunch and when to eat it. After almost two months of having everything decided for me and not having to do much for myself in the way of cooking and planning, I'm actually a bit lost. I did extra PT earlier because I didn't feel like I was doing anything useful.

All of my clothes are too big. I had to borrow my dad's pants today because all mine were falling off, which means I'm gonna have to go buy new clothes, which is a pain.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Happy Birthday, Beck!
« on: Aug 08, 2008, 12:53:44 AM »
So, who gets to issue the spankings?

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Yeah
« on: Jul 18, 2008, 12:20:02 AM »
I'm gonna go join the Navy. I mean, like, for real. Like, I already spoke to a recruiter and took my ASVAB.

It's a really good deal, though. They pay for everything I'll ever need, I work my ass off for four years or more. The pay is damn good, too, especially considering that I don't have anyone else I gotta give it to.

I'm gonna do some hellacious working out, though. If boot camp's gonna kick my ass, I want it to kick my ass marginally less than the rest of the saps there.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Guess what?
« on: Jun 04, 2008, 12:39:38 AM »
Im shifaced. Isn't it grand?

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Yes.
« on: May 20, 2008, 10:50:05 PM »
The coffee shop I semi-frequent is distributing a collection of writing made by students at Newman U. Some of the stuff is okay, a lot of it is about sex, and overall it's pretty entertaining. This bit caught my eye, and I had to share it. The piece is called Offerings From the Book of Gin, and it was written by John Skelton, who I suppose has done more than his fair share of field research.

And it came to pass that Tonicandlime and the Paininites passed out of the land of Eggnog, and thought their sphincters bled and their feet had great carbuncles, they were mirthful. For the Lord had blessed them. Yea, even that their livers were likened unto swiss cheese and their kidneys stained their urine pinkish, they gave praise to the Lord. And there they built an altar and offered up birnt offerings of beer nuts and little sausages. There was much joyous frolicking. They called this new land Brewdah in His honor.

Ginesis 14:11-13


At the end of five days, fasting atop Mount Arafat, Gimlet stirred from his torpor, and Lo! A vision of a mighty and translucent bottle came unto him. Crying out of fearful awe, he flung himself prone. "Arise Gimlet," the Lord of Spirits commanded, "And write thee down these helpful suggestions. Disseminate them unto thy flock, who even now stagger about in inevriated jollity."

"Are they not commandments my Lord?"

"Nay, merely suggestions, you know, to help out. I mean jeez, you sots have been amuck in the friggin' desert for forty years. I'm personally amazed that any of you survived at all, particularly the way you drink. More proof that I am who is called I Am, no doubt."

"...Popeye?"

"No you dolt! I Am. Not Popeye. Look, it's not that hard, just write this stuff down." The thunder in the Lord's vexation shook deeply upon His prophet's dentures.

Wallowing in his profound unworthiness, Gimlet wailed in trepidation, gnashing his teeth and supplicating unto the Lord; "Have'st thy a pen and paper or something like that, oh Spirit of the Highest Proof?"

"Good Lord! Must I do everything for you bums... here." And so did an Eraser-Mate pen with an ergonomic grip and tablets of fine writing stock appear unto Gimlet.

Eightysixodus 5:19-36


The Ten Helpful Hints of the Lord:

1] Even though they look much like Grape Nuts through the fog of a hangover, Tender Vittles do not a good component of a healthy breakfast make.
2] Drinkest thou not from any vessel bigger than a forty, for this is a Party Foul.
3] Stepest thou not, drunkenly in front of the dartboard.
4] Makest thou party hats only from empty twelve packs.
5] Runnest thou not with scissors.
6] Flavor thou grain alcohol only with juniper.
7] Servest all thy highballs with a slice of lime.
8] Zippest up neither thy peter nor they pubes in thy loincloth, robe or smock.
9] Honor thy bartenders and exotic dancers with frequent tips.
10] Playest thy drinking games only with quarters.

Eightysixodus 6:1-10

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / WTF?
« on: Apr 28, 2008, 02:30:28 AM »
Doug gets two shitty ass topics and I don't even get a birthday thread?  :pout:

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Whoo!
« on: Apr 11, 2008, 11:44:42 PM »
I've been back in Kansas officially since February, but haven't said anything since I hadn't really gotten much done in the way of making my residency back in my home state permanent. In fact, I was back January 17, but my dad carted me to Oklahoma again because he hoped it would make my sister whine less (it didn't). I was especially hesitant because the job situation here is really bleak; I've been actively looking for a job since November and hadn't gotten a single interview until recently.

My brother, sis-in-law and nephew moved here from Utah to take over my dad's house. Since my dad established a residency in Oklahoma, he was able to get an Oklahoma divorce by publication so my mom wouldn't contest it, which she would have almost certainly done. He also did it so she wouldn't take half his stuff, which is good because she's already taken (and pawned) more than her fair share. Because of this, the house is still half in her name and he can't sign it over the Marcus outright without her being present and also willing to sign. This will never happen.

I'm going to be renting from Marcus as soon as my dad leaves for Oklahoma. They very enthusiastically suggested I do so, and I complied with even greater enthusiasm. Miina and I get along wonderfully, I've always looked up to Marcus as a fellow black sheep, and Adam, their demon hell child, is pretty okay most of the time. Also, I'm wanting to start school soon. Since the rent is cheap and I won't have any other living expenses, this seems like a great idea. Especially when Dad moves out, since we won't have to worry about putting gas in his car and buying meat all the time. A pound of lean hamburger is around $4, and a pound of firm tofu is only $2. My dad refuses to eat tofu and insists that every meal he eats ha some kind of meat in it.

I recently got a job at a call center that calls businesses and homes trying to get people to take retarded surveys. The pay is good, the job is easy and the hours are just right for a college schedule. I look forward to hearing some of you cussing at me very soon.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Make me laugh!
« on: Mar 25, 2008, 05:46:25 PM »
Please? I needs it.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / *headdesk*
« on: Dec 13, 2007, 11:59:32 AM »
Whine post alert!

I moved in with my dad a while ago. He got arrested about a month ago because he was trying way too hard to contact my mom and got in trouble for stalking. His hearing is today, and his angle is "She's on drugs, she needs to be with me for help!" He's sending Mindy and me down to Oklahoma with my crazy grandma for an undisclosed period of time, at least til Christmas. Neither my dad nor my grandma is making it sound in any way temporary, with the way they're talking about jobs and schools and sending our rowdy lab with us when he's already said that he's thinking of giving the dog away. The good news is, my grandma has internet so I'll at least be able to keep in touch with people through that while I'm in an itty bitty wannabe tourist town with no car and no cell phone reception playing slave for my grandma.

My life sucks a little right now.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Wark!
« on: Oct 24, 2007, 10:13:08 AM »
Just an "I'm not dead yet" post. I won't have regular internet again for quite a while, and I missed all of you so damn much that I had to post something. I'm moving to Utah this spring to be molested by mormons, maybe I can get internet then.

Give me love!

EDIT: Crunchy Greenie. Tee hee.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Oh my shit.
« on: Sep 06, 2006, 04:53:58 AM »
Some guy was killed in my building today. His girlfriend found him in the bathtub with a bullethole in his head. There was a shitload of squad cars, plus CSI and SWAT cars. Every apartment was searched in case there was anyone hiding and everyone on the fifth floor was questioned. There were still four squad cars and a few guys in suits hanging around the lobby when I got home at midnight. They actually made me tell them my apartment number before they let me go upstairs.

And all everyone's gonna care about is the fact that it'll probably be in the paper tomorrow.  <_<  

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Happy Friday the 13th!
« on: Jan 13, 2006, 08:18:12 AM »
So what are you doing to celebrate?

I'm going to a sleepover. >D

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Men's Pocky > you

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / New Pet
« on: Nov 21, 2005, 06:32:33 PM »
Bernie, meet Bernie:



Mindy saved him from being dumped by some guy who was moving out. He's a cr0n snake, and a freaking long one at that. Very, very cute.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / My brain hurts.
« on: Nov 08, 2005, 08:22:42 PM »
History test, all essay, research and prewriting on the geology of the tertiary era along with its major epochs, photography paper, and prrofs in geometry.

*dies*

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Hey, uh, guess what?
« on: Oct 25, 2005, 06:26:02 PM »
Come on, guess.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / I need to bitch
« on: Jul 19, 2005, 01:59:08 PM »
I've been pretty proud of myself lately, not complainging quite as much as I used to. Seriously, people actually listen to me when I talk now. It's cool. But some shitty stuff has been happening and since unlike Doug, I am not onling nearly enough to keep a weblog, and I can't discuss it with anyone but my mom at the moment, I need to vent. You are all welcome to give especially scathing remarks at the end of this if you think it'll make you feel better.

My mom and I, and maybe my sister, are moving into a dinky little one-room apartment on Thursday, because my dad lost his job and now has a sucky job that pays shit but he's still spending money like he did when he still had a good job. Mindy doesn't even know about it yet; Mom's gonna tell her and help her pack if she wants to come. Thing is, almost all the pets have to be left behind because the place we're going doesn't allow dogs and you have to pay $100 extra per uncaged pet every month. That means my momma cat who's nursing kittens and my daddy cat who has a mouth disease and can't eat solid foods, along with Mindy's dog are gonna hafta stay behind. The fish and the rats and the toads can come, but that's it. If Mindy doesn't stay behind, which she might still do, all the animals are at the mercy of my dad, who thinks that getting something done around the house means shouting until someone else does something about it. And he might not be living there very long, either - my mom couldn't keep all the bills paid on just her salary, and his is even smaller than hers.

I wasn't even getting nervous about it till today, instead packing everything away secretly and waiting for the day when I'd have to help Mom get everything out there. Now every little thing that could go wrong is just hitting me at once. I had a nightmare last night where my dad in a fit of anger drowned the cats and shot the dog and I woke up crying. I know he'd never do that, but I still can't help but panic a little. I'm still going with my mom - even though all utilities are paid, $450 a month is still a lot. Setting aside about $110 of her chell every week, plus expenses like cigarettes and gas, will leave her with next to nothing left over. So I'm getting a job to take care of stuff like groceries, and until I actually get hired, well, there's a church with a food bank and a diner that gives free meals to anyone that comes in every evening, so we won't starve. I'm still scared, but I suppose it's impossible not to be.

 

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But I forgot to scan any of the pictures. -_- Oh well. His name is interesting, though. Adam Tapio Sequoyah Manttari-Ames. He has brown hair and blue eyes and really long limbs. His toes are almost as long as his fingers. I'm beginning to suspect that Miina cheated on Marc with a monkey, but don't have any evidence to that yet.

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / Excuses
« on: Jan 15, 2005, 11:45:38 AM »
It's all my mom's fault. Really. She forgot to pay the cable bill, so it and the Internet were shut off. Then she continued not paying it, and our black box was taken away. Now we're waiting for her to get a phone service for the house so my dad can get DSL through his work.

So, right now I'm at my dad's ork, sitting at someone else's bench and invading their crappy ass computer. It's so slow, and the monitor is tiny and dusty, and the guy doesn't take care of his computer or something, cause it just sucks. This place is awesome, though, cause someone gave me twenty bucks for vacuuming the shop.

So how was your few weeks?

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / New Rat-baby!
« on: Oct 01, 2004, 05:40:01 PM »
I got her today. She's really cute. There's a picture below. Any ideas for names?

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / ;_;
« on: Sep 19, 2004, 02:31:15 PM »

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Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits / God Dammit!
« on: Sep 09, 2004, 03:32:52 PM »
Our beautifully awesome ATV got stolen today. My dad was a dumbass and left the thing on the trailer in the driveway even after he went and retrieved the key to the disc brake lock (long story), and so the trailer has been in the driveway for a month or so having people walk past it, able to plan to take the damn thing. There's a pretty much impossible to cut ball lock on the part where you hitch it to the back of a car, but that can be remedied with duct tape  and tie-down cords.

Apparently, there've been people stealing trailers in this general area of town for a while, but if they were going for a trailer, we have a new one without a broken tail light right beside our house.

When my dad found out, he drove around the neighborhood with a handgun with the magazine filled with some pretty hurtful stuff. It was scary, but he put his gun away after a while and went back to work.

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Link!

Quote
SAN FRANCISCO --  The California Supreme Court on Thursday voided the nearly 4,000 same-sex marriages sanctioned in San Francisco this year and ruled unanimously that the mayor overstepped his authority by issuing licenses to gay and lesbian couples.

The court said the city illegally issued the certificates and performed the ceremonies, since state law defined marriage as a union between a man and woman.

The justices separately decided with a 5-2 vote to nullify the 3,995 marriages peformed between Feb. 12 and March 11, when the court halted the weddings. Their legality, Justice Joyce Kennard wrote, must wait until courts resolve the constitutionality of state laws that restrict marriages to opposite-sex couples.


 

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