The Sphere
General Garbage => Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits => Topic started by: B E C K on Mar 30, 2009, 06:17:29 PM
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Rama's post about "Twilight" in the movie thread reminded me, I just saw this about a week ago. It was not rewatchable but it's kind of a decent movie for a night where you have nothing to do. However, as far as running time is concerned, it's filled with a lot of extra parts (a lot of this being the Bella/Edward crap) that could've been cut out for a neater 90 minute film. Some points:
- The "romance" was creepy but to be fair to Twilight, I find "romance" in most films to be creepy if not contrived anyway. This duder watches her sleep. He follows her around. EW.
- The *only* reason he likes her is because he can't read her mind and he likes the way she smells. She's his "heroin". How romantic, a drug addict reference.
- I love the song "Supermassive Black Hole." I remember reading how the author was excited about it and that it'd be in a key scene. It was used for a vampire baseball scene. A stupid, useless scene. Worst use of Muse ever.
- These fuckers aren't real vampires. Why didn't the dumb author just make them freaky immortals with powers? There's nothing vampiry about them.
- If it's not enough that these are "cheater vampires", some of these assholes even get extra powers! Main guy can read minds and another one can see the future. Smells like godmode to me.
- What's more, all Cedric Diggory kept whining about was how he didn't want to make Bella into a "monster"? What's exactly the downside to being a vampire here? Money, other good looking vampires who adore you, eternal life, super strength, super speed, you don't have to kill people, you don't die in the sunlight, you never get ugly, you get possible extra super powers, and you're not bound to Satan from what I could tell. You're even popular in high school! Where's the fucking "monster" part?
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I've gone back and forth on renting this thing, but I know in the end it's just going to be a dumbed down emo version of Interview with the Vampire and that I'd be bored about 30 mins into it. Course this is coming from the guy who rented Punisher: War Zone. So it couldn't be worse then that flick. That thing was just downrigh painful to watch.
What's more, all Cedric Diggory kept whining about was how he didn't want to make Bella into a "monster"? What's exactly the downside to being a vampire here? Money, other good looking vampires who adore you, eternal life, super strength, super speed, you don't have to kill people, you don't die in the sunlight, you never get ugly, you get possible extra super powers, and you're not bound to Satan from what I could tell. You're even popular in high school! Where's the fucking "monster" part?
Yeah no kidding. I'd love to be a Vampire. It sounds fucking boss!
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Don't you have satellite or something? Maybe just wait for it to come out there?
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A couple of my friends read the books and said they were awful, but they couldn't stop reading them. I wouldn't go out of my way to see this, but if a friend had it at their house and we were bored then maybe...
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I refuse to see this purported shitfest on anything other than cable.
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Don't you have satellite or something? Maybe just wait for it to come out there?
Yeah I do, but I don't like to watch movies on it unless it's off like IFC or TCM or something. I can't stand commericals during a flick.
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The author is a good storyteller, but a horrible writer. You'll have to subject yourself to one of the books to see what I mean.
Then again, she's suckin' back cosmos and riding in limos to premieres and I'm in a dull beige office.... :-\
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Yeah...see I think I'm going to follow her plan instead of yours. No offense.
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Hey, as soon as I can think of a gimmick that will get 50 zillion fangirls swooning, I'm there with you. Vampires have been done to death, no pun intended, so it has to be something else unworldly so there's no pressure to try and "make it happen" IRL. Has to have lots of characters, each with his/her own flavor of angst, has to have slashable elements to appeal to the broadest markets possible, but not obvious enough for the helicopter parents to forbid the books....
Angels, maybe? Not quite Anne Rice ones, but not Earthian either. Ooh, think of the bookstore protests at the signings! ;D
And Stephenie Meyer write in soundbites. Tailor-made for those whose primary reading material is text messages. It bugs the living shit out of people like me who love tangling up in an orgy of verbage, but it was marketing genius.
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Oh thinking up gimmicks isn't hard, it's turning them into actual readable material that I find difficult. procrastination + perfectionism="And I still don't have this thing done."
You really wouldn't have to come up with anything new, but just something that hasn't been done in the awhile. I bet you could pull anything from like the late 70s up to the early 90s back out and people would think it was fresh and new. I mean that's what let that guy that wrote Eragon totally rip off St*r WarzzZZ yet still have a best seller.
And I've never read any of her stuff, but I might have to just to see what you are talking about.
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I just saw "Let The Right One In" and realized those crappy Twilight vampires don't have to even be invited in. They don't even need to sleep. They're cheater vampires.
Hey, as soon as I can think of a gimmick that will get 50 zillion fangirls swooning, I'm there with you. Vampires have been done to death, no pun intended, so it has to be something else unworldly so there's no pressure to try and "make it happen" IRL.
What about:
Cowboys with powers. Young Guns for a whole new generation!
Sassy demon pirates. Like Pirates of the Caribbean except everyone looks kinda gay.
Rockstar knights. They sing, they joust!
Robot boyfriends who dress like they live in the 70's.
Pouty alien supermodels. Work the camera, then blast it with a fireball.
Emo monster-trainers. The girls will swoon for the emo dudes and think the beasties are oh-so-cute.
Stripping supercops. "Ma'am you are under arrest..." *cue thumping beatz*
Zombie pop idols. He's dead but he's also famous!
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feature=channel
:lol:
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You know...Cowboys with Superpower doesn't sound half bad.
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With the way things have been going lately that's what the Jonah Hex movie will end up being.
I shouldn't even joke.
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Hey...it was a comic, and people think that all comic heroes have super powers. Really movie executives know best.
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I can just see Hex breathing fire out that hole in his face and firing bullets from his fingertips.
Also, due to the fact that he shares a first name with the title character, the casting director picks Jonah Hill for the lead role.
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In a world where Seth Rogan is the Green Hornet anything is possible.
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Zombie pop idols. He's dead but he's also famous!
Rama's right. This was done on an ABC movie called Song of the Succubus. :laugh:
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In a world where Seth Rogan is the Green Hornet anything is possible.
Stephen Chow as Kato? Bwahahaha! Trainwreck!
Everyone knows it should have been Bill Hader.
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Course this is coming from the guy who rented Punisher: War Zone.
That's the new Punisher movie that came out last Christmas, right? God damn, it's out on DVD already? Has it really been that long since Christmas? I just saw The Day the Earth Stood Still on DVD and couldn't believe that much time has flown by.
How was punisher? The trailers looked like it was an enjoyable orgy of blood and bullets and uberviolence, but I never did get out to a theater to see it.
And teen girls have no taste in anything.... Twilight's shitty like anything they're into. Put any kind of dreamy guys, whether it be boy band guys or vampire pussies, and no matter how hard it sucks, the 14 year old level of female hormones will destroy any logic and common sense in their angst-ridden brains and cause them to enjoy it.
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That's the new Punisher movie that came out last Christmas, right? God damn, it's out on DVD already? Has it really been that long since Christmas? I just saw The Day the Earth Stood Still on DVD and couldn't believe that much time has flown by.
How was punisher? The trailers looked like it was an enjoyable orgy of blood and bullets and uberviolence, but I never did get out to a theater to see it.
If that's all you want out of then you'd like it since that's pretty much all you get.
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Warzone was practically a cartoon -- everything about it was over-the-top and ridiculous. When I first heard about it I assumed it would take a more serious tone à la Punisher MAX, but it was the exact opposite.
Now we have three shitty Frank Castle movies.
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The middle one wasn't bad...it just wasn't great either.
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Honesty time!
I've never even seen the first one, but Dolph's the star, so that's the end of that.
The second one I've only seen bits and pieces, but Travolta is awful and Thomas Jane doesn't even come close to having the right physique for the character.
And that's probably the only thing they got right in Warzone -- the guy kinda looks like the Punisher. I think that must have been their only reason for making the movie.
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We the thing that is burned into my brain from the first one is Dolph sitting buck naked and burning his wounds closed. I've seen it, but it's been a long time.
Travolta was pretty weak in the movie. Proably the weakest part of the whole movie.
And Yeah that dude did look the part. And Domic West did look like Jigsaw, even if I found him more annoying then scary. And Wayne Knight must have been hard up for cash. Seinfield and Space Jam royalties must be running thin these days.
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Oh, fuck. As soon as I saw Newman the movie just fell to pieces. I was waiting for a dinosaur to show up and gob in his face.
And what was with the reformed Latino gangbanger? Were they seriously trying to pull our heartstrings with that shit? Godawful.
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And I never understood what was up with the Cop that ran then "Punisher" section of the police. I mean I kept expecting him to be important to the plot in some way, but other then unlocking his handcuffs you didn't even need him.
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There's three punishers?
I only knew of the one out in 2004 or so, which I heard sucked horribly. I was hoping Warzone would be an improvement.
Seriously, sometimes I want a movie that is nothing BUT lots of very bloody violence, no angst, no shitty dialog, no fake-ass romance that's just an excuse to get your hero in a sex scene with Miss California, no long talking scenes, just people getting turned into swiss cheese with autos.
At least one of the trailers for Warzone looked like it would be exactly that. 90 minutes of mindless death and violence.
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The Punisher (1989)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098141/
The Punisher (2004)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330793/
Punisher: War Zone (2008)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450314/
Out of the three I find the 2004 one to be the least shitty.
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I never could take Punisher seriously. Probably why I liked Ennis' Welcome Back Frank so well.
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What about the Punisher starring Zac Efron as Frank Castle? Teenage girls are a ripe movie-going group! It can be based on my graphic novel, Welcome Back, Frank and Kotter. The villain is played by Gabe Kaplan.
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The Punisher (1989)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098141/
The Punisher (2004)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330793/
Punisher: War Zone (2008)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450314/
Out of the three I find the 2004 one to be the least shitty.
Rotten tomatoes agrees with you. 1990 got 14%, 2004 got 29% and warzone got 25%
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What about the Punisher starring Zac Efron as Frank Castle? Teenage girls are a ripe movie-going group! It can be based on my graphic novel, Welcome Back, Frank and Kotter. The villain is played by Gabe Kaplan.
Add the Jonas Bros. and you Madam have a deal.
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The Punisher (1989)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098141/
The Punisher (2004)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330793/
Punisher: War Zone (2008)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450314/
Out of the three I find the 2004 one to be the least shitty.
Rotten tomatoes agrees with you. 1990 got 14%, 2004 got 29% and warzone got 25%
Yay?
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I liked the second one actually. Lately, no movie has really interested me....Warzone least of all.
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I've just seen the Dolph one. I like Dolph and Louis Gossett, Jr. I'm kinda indifferent to the actual Punisher. :lol:
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You know...now that you mention it I like just about every movie I've seen Dolph in. Course that's a list of about four movies.
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Even "I Come in Peace"? :P
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Never seen it.
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While we're on the subject of bad movies, I went to a Smithee Awards event at a local university. Smithee awards are awards for the worst of bad movies. They would play clips of the worst parts of bad movies in different categories, such as "worst dialog" or "worst special effects" and then we'd vote on which movie clip would win each category.
Apparently, Troll 2 was voted the worst movie.
And they didn't play Manos. They've had it in the contest in the past but this time they wanted to have movies that had never been nominated before.
I also got the entire theater laughing. They were showing a clip of a vampire chick seducing a nerdy guy with an ear of cr0n, and she stuck it in her pocket at one point. So I said out loud "Is that an ear of cr0n or are you just happy to see me?" and the entire theater burst out laughing and I was getting high fives from people around me.
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Well I'm not even sure Manos is the worst I've seen. There is this movie called "The Curse of the Headless Horseman" from 1974 that might be worse. Then there is also always Monster A-Go-Go.
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You know...now that you mention it I like just about every movie I've seen Dolph in. Course that's a list of about four movies.
A View To A Kill
Rocky IV
Masters of the Universe
and
The Punisher
??
Dude, tell me you've seen Universal Soldier. Yeah, it falls apart at the end, but it was decent for the most part. I never saw the sequel because it was Dolph-less, so I didn't care that much but his character's apparently due for a revival (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universal_Soldiers:_The_Next_Generation_(film)).
I've never seen "I Come In Peace". Is that the one where he's all "And you'll go in pieces"?
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Oh fuck I forgot all about Universal Solider! That was one of those movies I saw on Late Night Hotel HBO for the first time back in the early 90s. Even at 12 I was night owl. The rest of your list is exactly spot on. Those are the four movies I was talking about. Actually own all of them except The Punisher and Universal Solider.
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The only reason I even know about I Come in Peace is because it was filmed in Houston. My ex got an amusing picture with Dolph at some restaurant downtown - he's the same height as Dolph, but a lot skinnier. :P
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I remember that tagline from the trailer. Funny how it didn't make me want to see "I Come In Peace" but the trailer itself is stuck in my head after all these years.
Ha, I actually don't own any of those except for the Punisher. I still need to buy a copy of Universal Soldier.
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I should have bought the Punisher when I saw it in the 5 buck bin, now I can't find it. But again like Music..I got Target and Wal-Mart. Great store called Music Outlet (which I think was owned by Hastings) just went out down here and I could get all kinds of great movies and music there that I couldn't get anywhere else...already missing it and it's only been closed a month. We are getting a Best Buy though...Not much better then Wal-Mart and Target, but a little.
US is also one I need to pick up if I see it, but I got this werid thing where I won't pay more then like 10 bucks for a movie. So I wait till it drops below that before I buy it. Got Clerks 2 for 5 bucks that way.