The Sphere
General Garbage => Tropical Paradise of Hard Shelled Fruits => Topic started by: IDE on Mar 14, 2009, 01:37:06 AM
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I have left miami...FOREVER.
The president has been informed and is preparing to launch the nuclear strike as I type this.
Soon I will be in california starring in motion pictures and yelling at people like christian bale.
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I think Christian Bale would have something to say about that.
Just insert any snippet from his rant, really. I don't care which one.
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They need to divert one of those nukes to Detroit. This area's such a shithole it doesn't deserve to exist.
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I think Christian Bale would have something to say about that.
Just insert any snippet from his rant, really. I don't care which one.
Hey IDE, make sure your diva rants are recorded and posted on the internet so some DJ can go remix them like they did with Bale.
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I ASKED FOR BLUE M&M'S ONLY!! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!? IDIOT!! *dumps bowl of candy on poor intern*
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And then he whales away at her mound before a live studio audience, which collectively gasps in amazement and applauds at the conclusion.
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He'll be back in a couple of months.
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There's nowhere to go back to.
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The ships have burned at losgar. Forward now to victory or death.
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I was waiting for the Tolkein reference or the WoW reference. I see you went with the former this time.
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Gibraltar would have been mine, but then...
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But Fėanor went out like a bitch...your story better not end like his.
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Better to be Erendil (sp?).
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Eärendil still went through a wringer through he did make it to Valinor and ultimately to the stars.
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I think we are going to need a Dutch Boy in here. There is a leak in the nerd dyke.
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Yeah, I'm pretty much lost at this point.
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I was waiting for the Tolkein reference or the WoW reference. I see you went with the former this time.
Yeah I figure it's been WoW, WoW, WoW...for awhile now and then BAM! I hit ya with the Tolkien.
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I think we are going to need a Dutch Boy in here. There is a leak in the nerd dyke.
Uhm Tom drove Rumble away so no dutch boy here :-(
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I'm in New Mexico.
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This might be something you've answered before and I just wasn't paying attention, but why did it take you almost half a month to get from FL to NM? You arn't Man-Whoring your way cross country are you?
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Maybe he's running there.
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I imagine it's easier to go a-wenching in a Forrest Gump-style cross cunt-ry run.
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I stopped in NC for a couple weeks.
But now I'm here.
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Well I'm up for a spokesperson gig selling their version of shamwow and slapchop.
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Now all you need is something that makes people remember you. Like an Aussie accent or an the raised eyebrow huge eyeball of Evil combo. I suggest drooling uncontrollably.
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And a catch phrase...
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"Behold your Golden God. Surrender the poon, and thou shalt live."
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...to take advantage of these great products that will change your cooking and cleaning experiences forever!
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It's RIPTASTIC! Then you flex.
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Well it turns out this is a commission only position.
They pitch this to you during day 2 because they know you'd never go through with it if they were up front. I c wut u did thr pitch fucks.
They pay 350 a week to train you though. I might take their 1000 of training money and then bail. 1000 for 3 weeks of work isn't good money but getting paid to take revenge on someone is always a good thing.
Also I haven't so much as kissed a girl out here. I'm making rookie mistakes in bars like bouncing between talking to different girls. I guess I was used to doing that in school because I was God Tier and rebuking me in my kingdom was not wise. Now out here I have to mind my manners and obey pursuance etiquette....
for now.
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Also how do you weirdos deal with this?
It's been 3 months since I've had sex and I'm hallucinating.
This girl in the coffee shop is wearing a short skirt and every time she gets up I see part of her butt cheeks.
It's maddening
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Beat off?
I'm sorry, "What is beat off?"
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The drought ended 3 days after I made that post.
It's as if the gods are watching the internet.
Ahem...
Now I would like an agent.
But keep the sex coming too.
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A sex agent!
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or an Agent of S.E.X.
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Trebek looked better with a mustache.
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So much better. Now I don't even wanna blow a load on his Canadian face.
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I'm now in the employ of The Cheese Cake Factory.
I wear an all white outfit that makes me feel like George Burns when I go to work in the morning.
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I'm now in the employ of The Cheese Cake Factory.
There has to be a joke in there somewhere but it's not coming to me.
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From Beef Cake to Cheese Cake?
Yeah that sucked...maybe someone else should take this one.
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"There's beefcake in the Cheese Cake Factory!"
No?
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I think it's the right path you know...but it's just still not working.
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Yeah, I know. :blink:
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I'm now in the employ of The Cheese Cake Factory.
It all makes sense now.
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It does?
Either way, I should be making around 150 a shift so my money problems are solved and I can join expensive acting classes and get new head shots (not too mention new furniture and my own INTERNET).
and I thought the set up was in "...feel like George Burns..." but maybe I was wrong.
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Did you want something like "Now it'll be even more fitting when women scream out 'Oh God' around you."
Because, yeah, I wasn't going to do šat.
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It does?
Completely not gay at all. Well, maybe a little. If it were an actual factory maybe less so, but it's not.
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Did you want something like "Now it'll be even more fitting when women scream out 'Oh God' around you."
Because, yeah, I wasn't going to do šat.
Yeah something to that effect.
It does?
Completely not gay at all. Well, maybe a little. If it were an actual factory maybe less so, but it's not.
What's gay about it?
Dressing up in all white? I'll wager you've done that without being forced to and went out in public no less, in the name of trendy fabulous fashion theme parties.
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Col. Sanders is manly wearing all white.
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What's gay about it?
Dressing up in all white? I'll wager you've done that without being forced to and went out in public no less, in the name of trendy fabulous fashion theme parties.
The name, occupation, and general reputation.
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To that I can only humbly reply:
Nah nigga, you gay.
Col. Sanders is manly wearing all white.
You're right. I wish they'd let me wear a tie like his.
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Grow the beard and you'll just attract twinks that love bears. But then you never know, you may like having a powet bottom.
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It's not gay if you don't touch the penis and never catch. :)
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I'll never understand how anyone could dislike vag.
Constructed by the gods to be the perfect sheath for my mighty weapon, I will accept no uncouth substitutions.
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I don't understand how anyone could like cock. I was watch an SNL best of this weekend with Adam Sandler and Chris Farley (the gay beer commercial) and they zoom in on the cock and I didn't get it.
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I can personally vouch for the appeal of both. ;D
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I'll never understand how anyone could dislike vag.
Well, strictly speaking from an owner's standpoint, it's kinda gross. Especially every 21 days or so.
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I don't think Gentiles are suppose to be attractive. If you get to the point where you are seeing them up close and personal you're kind of already committed. Pure function baby.
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So the botox was a bad idea?
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I was going to say...you have some puffiness.
But whatever makes yourself feel better. I like to put a little Cowboy hat on. You know going against type and not using a Fireman's helmet.
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You're puffy, bitch.
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R-R-Really? ;__;
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Yeah. I wasn't going to say anything, but since Nuri did... yeah.
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I don't think Gentiles are suppose to be attractive
Are you a Jewish mother whose son the doctor is eyeng the shiksas? :raiseeyebrow:
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Well that's what I get for not double checking the Spell Check's work.
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damn I wanted to make the jew comment.
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There's enough Jewish comments and dreidels for everyone.
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I love dreidels.
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The only person who doesn't is Satan and that's only because he thinks playing with toys is, like, so immature.
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What a douche.
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...they don't believe in Satan. Hitler would have been a better reference.
Speaking of which, there were a pair of Neo Nazi's working out at my gym. Everyone was irked, they had some odd tattoos which only reinforced that they were retarded. This really jacked pair of a white guy and black guy (Ebony, ivory...) were just staring them down with roid rage in their eyes.
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...they don't believe in Satan. Hitler would have been a better reference.
Dammit! Do over! Okay, okay, post "I love dreidels" again.
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Wait...we get to do overs?
Can I cash mine in now please?
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They don't exist in OK, something about when it turned into a state and the forcing out of the red man.
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Well good thing I live in Missouri then.
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You moved? Weak. I gotta abreast myself of MO laws.
If you're ever in Kansas City, visit Bo Lings, amazing Chinese food.
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No..I never lived in OK. I don't even know where you got that from.
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Everything you've ever said. Ever.
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You mean all those thing I said where I never mentioned living in OK once, but have several times said I live in MO. You mean those things?
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Maybe I did, maybe I didn't, but that has nothing to do with this.
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Nobody here lives in OK. Rama has been in MO forever, looking at his fireworks and lighting up his pr0n.
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I have an ex-lover who lived in OK, but he's back in Houston now. I can't remember anyone here even mentioning Oklahoma. Maybe Tom fell asleep dreaming of Rama during old musical night on TNT.
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Yeah I was born in MO, and though I've moved around a bit, I've never moved out of state. But after almost 30 years here, I'm about ready to move someplace else.
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FUCKIING SHITT!
I never learn anything. So I went to a party at cheesecake and I meet this chick and shes like ready to bang me that night and then she says that she's a dork whose into sci fi so I ADMIT THAT I COLLECT TRANSFORMERS ETC.
EVEN THO ON THIS VERY FUCKING BOARD I WROTE DOWN THAT I SHOULD NEVER ADMIT THIS TO ANY GIRL BECAUSE THE GIRLS THAT ARE INTO THAT SHIT DONT REALLLY LIKE THE GUYS THAT ARE INTO IT. ITS A FUCKJING LIE THAT THEY TELL THEMSELVES.
TODAY SHE HAS DECIDED THAT SHE DOESNT WANT TO DATE ANYONE SHE WORKS WITH.
I COULD HAVE TAKEN THIS BITCH TO MY CAR AND FUCKED HER THE NIGHT I MET HER AND BEEN DONE WITH IT, BUT BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS A DORK I SPARED HER...
SO LET THIS POST SERVE AS A REMINDER TO ME AND WARNING TO ALL:
SPARE NO ONE YOU FUCKTARD! RELENTLESS DESTRUCTION UNTIL EVERY VAGINA LIES IN A STEAMING PILE AND I SIT ATOP IT ON A THRONE MADE OF BOOBS, MY ELBOW ON MY KNEE, MY CHIN RESTING ON MY FIST AS I PONDER HOW I COULD HAVE EVER BEEN A SENTIMENTAL FOOL.
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SO LET THIS POST SERVE AS A REMINDER TO ME AND WARNING TO ALL
Except I have a woman, I don't like transformers, and she's dressed as Princess Leia for me.
Moral of the story? Find a hot-ass bitch that shares your common interests and hold on.
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Wait....The White Get-up or Slave.
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SO LET THIS POST SERVE AS A REMINDER TO ME AND WARNING TO ALL
Except I have a woman, I don't like transformers, and she's dressed as Princess Leia for me.
Moral of the story? Find a hot-ass bitch that shares your common interests and hold on.
But wait...do you look like a dork?
I think that's the key factor here.
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Alot of girls are secret dorks, you just have to discover what are they dorks for. If it's fashion, they'll wind up fat.
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Read "so I went to a party as a cheesecake". That might be a dork factor worth trying.
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FUCKIING SHITT!
I never learn anything. So I went to a party at cheesecake and I meet this chick and shes like ready to bang me that night and then she says that she's a dork whose into sci fi so I ADMIT THAT I COLLECT TRANSFORMERS ETC.
EVEN THO ON THIS VERY FUCKING BOARD I WROTE DOWN THAT I SHOULD NEVER ADMIT THIS TO ANY GIRL BECAUSE THE GIRLS THAT ARE INTO THAT SHIT DONT REALLLY LIKE THE GUYS THAT ARE INTO IT. ITS A FUCKJING LIE THAT THEY TELL THEMSELVES.
TODAY SHE HAS DECIDED THAT SHE DOESNT WANT TO DATE ANYONE SHE WORKS WITH.
BLAH BLAH BLAH...
Maybe you should've done her that night and when she climaxed, yelled "I'M INTO TRANSFORMERS! AUTOBOTS, ROLL OUT!", made the transforming noise, and see how she reacted.
Or maybe that's a terrible, terrible idea.
You know, either, or.
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I guess that's why they call this place random, lol.
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Better than launching into the TV Batman theme song.
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Next time he sees her, he should be all "hey, baby"...
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Much better than a cheesecake!
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Cheesecake is the gayest of all cakes.
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Even chocolate cheesecake?
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I vote for Italian cream.
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Is that a cake?
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I would say that the lemon cello torte is the gayest of all cakes.
Cheesecake is made of cheese, a manly food that makes everything taste better and inspires epic flatulence.
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But anyways I forgot to mention that I have another girl that I'm talking to (big surprise). And I already told her that I like Harry Potter and play WoW and so far nothing has gone wrong.
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EVEN THO ON THIS VERY FUCKING BOARD I WROTE DOWN THAT I SHOULD NEVER ADMIT THIS TO ANY GIRL BECAUSE THE GIRLS THAT ARE INTO THAT SHIT DONT REALLLY LIKE THE GUYS THAT ARE INTO IT. ITS A FUCKJING LIE THAT THEY TELL THEMSELVES.
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Yeah...
I guess I'll never learn.
/walks out of the thread stopping to turn his thumb out at the road every once in awhile while the theme to the hulk tv show plays.
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But before I go I should mention she invited me to a Michael Jackson tribute that we're having at work tonight and she thinks all the pictures we took at disneyland are cute. She just turned 20 last week so her life essence is ripe for harvesting (I should be able to remain 23 for another 2.5 years if I can take her).
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Ok, I find your whole hedonistic, conquering approach to "romance" pretty offputting, but that was pretty funny.
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I wouldn't worry about IDE approach to romance there. The ones he's fucking pretty much seem to be looking for the same thing (Part of his problem I think) and so he's really not taking anything of quality off the market. Just one less One Night Stand if you are into that sort of thing.
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That's not true. I don't just meet these stereotypical one night stand "she's my cherry pie" video chicks in bars, clubs, etc.
These women are your sisters and daughters. No one is safe.
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I have no progeny and my sisters are in their forties.
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I have no sisters, or brothers for that matter if you start to swing that way.
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Maybe he's tri-sexual? I was until I realized what it meant. I still can't shit right.
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You both have neighbors though, and acquaintances!
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If you want to fuck my neighbor go ahead. I wouldn't touch her with a 20 foot pole myself, but whatever floats your boat.
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I'll be right over.
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What he didn't tell you is that, considering he lives in a very rural area, his neighbor is a 70 year old farmer's wife.
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...
I'll be right over.
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Pro bono work?
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Can you fuck her to death? Cause I'm tired of her living next to me and coming over and harassing anyone that swings by trying to get Cigarettes.
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Ugh...the girl that doesn't want me is getting on my nerves. It was providence that I didn't bang her.
I could wound her by telling her that people warned me not to hook up with her. But instead I should just stop talking to her period. I told her that she doesn't really want to be friends, she just wants to go back to being strangers. But she insists otherwise.
Leave me alone bitch, you probably have a disease and Odin has steered me clear.
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Is that the chick allergic to hand-holding or is this someone else now?
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Hand holding girl was 2 chicks ago.
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Then I'm lost.
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IDE was a rolling stone.
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Then I'm lost.
This is dorky chick whose kind of a whore at work. And decided that now would be a good time to stop being a whore hence not sleeping with or dating me.
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Maybe she's in the midst of a genital warts outbreak and is saving you for later.
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Yes, this is what I suspect as well so she's out.
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And new dorky chick is in! She knows every single quote that I spit out (that's not movie related, we have to work on that). She just got a boob job today, and at 5'1" she's so cute and little. I have the day off tomorrow so I'm going to bring her flowers and take care of her.
We haven't had sex yet, but I have some duct tape to put her back together afterwards.
I think I'm falling for her though so this will be the end of my mac'ing for now. For once I make a commitment I won't dishonor it. You don't fuck with the deep magic.
And yhes you may now await my inevitable "This all went to shit! All women are tawdry sea hags!" post.
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We haven't had sex yet, but I have some duct tape to put her back together afterwards.
Another classic (and classy!) IDE-ism for the record books.
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y so called friend tells me he has girls over at his apartment to play beer pong. Turns out its this brittish chick that he's been trying to bang for over a month now and her gross friend. I tried keeping gross friend occupied for awhile but theres no way in hell I'd sell out the girl im seeing now. Anyways gross friend definitely wanted my cock, but I passed it up. Even if she wasn't that gross I would've done the same.
I'm going over to tiger's house tomorrow to take care of her and her swollen boobs. I wish she was better already so we could go see harry potter.
I wanted to yell out snape kills dumbledore at all the nerds lined up to see the movie, but I knew they already knew and wasn't going to risk my job (since I was dressed in full jesus cake battle armor).
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2 gun shots just went off.
I'm in LA trick!
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y so called friend tells me he has girls over at his apartment to play beer pong. Turns out its this brittish chick that he's been trying to bang for over a month now and her gross friend. I tried keeping gross friend occupied for awhile but theres no way in hell I'd sell out the girl im seeing now. Anyways gross friend definitely wanted my cock, but I passed it up. Even if she wasn't that gross I would've done the same.
There's nothing worse than having a woman, and then having another interested in you but she's someone you'd never ever want ever. It's like a step back and it makes you upset.
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Oh there are worse things.
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There's nothing worse than having a woman, and then having another interested in you but she's someone you'd never ever want ever. It's like a step back and it makes you upset.
Wait, what? Someone translate. If "she's someone you'd never ever want ever", how the heck is that worse?
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Because she might feel spurned and yell "rape" at IDE's workplace tomorrow. Or just for the fact that women only like takens.
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The ley lines are resonating.
Today while I was with this girl alone for the first time she started crying and when I asked why she told me...
she's a virgin.
And furthermore she wants to give her virginity to me because I'm the nicest most wonderful person she's ever met.
Who dares to unwittingly sacrifice themselves upon my dark altar?
For you see I've never actually slept with a virgin. I busted a girl's hymen before but she wasn't a virgin.
This is the stuff of prophecy and I fear it may be my undoing.
"And she will be born of westernesse, bestowing upon him a gift of innocence..."
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You haven't popped a virgin? All that talk and not one red mark on the belt? Jesus.
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There's nothing worse than having a woman, and then having another interested in you but she's someone you'd never ever want ever. It's like a step back and it makes you upset.
Wait, what? Someone translate. If "she's someone you'd never ever want ever", how the heck is that worse?
Because it means you're now only attractive to uggos and fatties, to quote Bob Kelso. I love Bob Kelso, I wish I was his grandson, but his son is gayer than the host at the Cheesecake Factory. Which one? It really doesn't matter.
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most of our hosts are hostesses.
theres this one little hot jew actress i wanna bang but I can't now...
I know this will seem insane, which is why I haven't told my offline friends yet, but I have a girlfriend now.
I don't know how this happened exactly. She kind of just walked in and was all...
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I didn't know you were Spider-Man.
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Well don't go making any deal with the devil to save Aunt May's life.
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I curious to know why that British Chick's friend was gross? Was she just unattractive or was she actually gross as in a huge blob who didn't bath or something.
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Bad teeth and she probably smelled like spotted dick, which will give you a spotted dick.
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The friend isn't a brit.
She's just an overweight ginger.
She's cool though kind of like that chick who plays the friend in American Pie.